Ew - No! **And then some**

 Bryan:  Babe, there is doodoo behind the couch.

Me:  Oh no!  Is it Loretta or Twilight?

Bryan:  It's diarrhea.

Me:  Oh no, is it Lou or Twilight?

Bryan:  I don't know, come look.

~Yeah, sure buddy, I am all over that. ~  Men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yall know sometimes I like to ramble.  The past few days I have wanted to write, like my kind of writing, and I wouldn't say I have been having writers block, but sometimes it seems almost like a chore so then I just don't.  I love writing and do not want to turn it into that.  

I got that career!  I am not even sure if I have written about it yet but so going to paste a copy of what I posted on ND.

******

I know a lot of my friends on here have reached out to me asking for updates about the job hunt and my last assessment I passed and was waiting for her to get back to me to schedule the next steps. She did email me yesterday but, I had to let her know I would not be able to continue with the hiring process. Why? Well, I landed me a new career!!! I will be starting a company's new customer service/freight department, which is what I did for one of my last two companies! And it is salary based! I am so excited. The drive, ew, but I will have my own office again and get to be on the ground floor of something about to be big! Just like my first two careers!!! I am not supposed to be talking about it yet until they announce it, but I wanted to at least let you all know! You guys have been amazing and remember, God has his own time.******

So, my hire date was supposed to be 11/1. Which I thought perfect, I can finish October out which we all know I love and start our new chapter. But they are in the middle of a merger which is why they need me. Their franchise is booming but then he reached out and said he would possibly not be able to hire me until the first of the year! Which sucks. However, I think maybe God has a plan because I am supposed to go to Kansas for Claire's baby being born around the 24th. Booked the rental car yesterday thank goodness from Bryan's parents. I had planned on going anyway and work from her home since he said eventually, he wouldn't have an issue with me working remotely some. I know that's a big difference, but God has a plan. That's all I have to say about that for now.

**************Look away - caution - R-Rated**************

So, ever since Bryan had his heart attack, eating right, exercising, his penis went back to the original size. Now I know this sounds odd, but I would not have married a man that didn't satisfy me and then we got heavier, drinking, and just in poor health, it was NOT the same. Eventually it got to where I didn't even want to have sex with him because I disliked him so much. Fast forward, he has muscles like he used to in his chest and arms, his face reminds me so much of him when he was younger, and those eyes! I also got heavy and uncomfortable with myself, so I wouldn't be as exotic as I used to be. But now, I am a sexy bitch and you put some Sade on, watch out. For the second time now, he rocked my world last night. He was all no I am not interested and then you whip out a tittie or two, the game was on. I love how me makes me feel, so sexy. And he puts his head and hand on my tummy, I don't feel all self-conscious about it, he looks me in the eyes. Yum. I could go on and on but, I slept very well last night. Him and the cooler weather.

This morning when I woke up, I told him, I slept great last night! He said "Damn right you did, dick so deep, put your ass to sleep" and I died laughing. I was referring to the coldness in the house but I aint gonna lie - that helped too.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cocoon Part Dos

 Yes, I know I said I was going to do part 2 yesterday but the day got away from me.  Sorry!!!

Ok, we left off where I started getting anxious and Bryan grabbed my hand, and in we walked.  Now the lady who had invited me, Debra, said they would be on the left side of the bar.  Why did I think the actual bar?  I don't know but that is where I prefer to sit.  But no, it was some tables that have been pulled together and luckily Debra waved and said hello Nicole, because like I told Bryan, I don't really know what these people look like etc.  Now I knew she was older, but you guys, the whole table was full of people in their 60's-70's.  Not a one drinking alcohol, and mainly just there for lunch and conversations.  Which is awesome!  Just, not what I thought I was getting into.  There were 2 empty seats towards the end of the table so Bryan sat at the end so he could try and hear folks, he did put in his hearing aids but later he told me it was so loud in there, he couldn't hear much of anything as far as conversation goes.  To my left was a lady who never stopped talking.  Thank God for my Bud lite and shot I finally ordered.  Turned out she taught Spanish which I took two years of Spanish 1 and still wouldn't say I can speak or understand it, but I do alright.  Our janitor at Ledge was Cuban and spoke mostly Spanish so I learned a lot from him.  One Hispanic lady even commented on how well my "tone" was or something like that.  I would call myself a chameleon because I do very well copying after being around someone for a bit.

She said she still taught so I asked her if she knew my old Spanish teacher who I adored.  She did not.  I told her I graduated in 1996.  She graduated in 1969.  She joined the Peace Corp following her man, got shipped to Peru where she had to learn Spanish, used latrines which I was confused AF about.  She had to wear long skirts and bugs ate her legs up.  She has a daughter that had twins and somehow lost her poop chute which she said is common in ladies with multiples, thank God I never had multiples!  And since it is considered diseased you can't do the organ donor thing.  Then, she asked me if I sewed.  I thought she was referring to my dress, so my dumb ass said oh heck no, I got this at the Goodwill!  I didn't.  I actually paid over 50 bucks for this dress at Kohls but whatever Nicole.  She just never stopped talking.  Finally, it was time to leave, I had to go to the restroom, everyone else had left so I was hoping she would leave as well.  Nope, I came out of the restroom, and she was standing with Bryan at the door waiting.

She gave us her number so we could reconnect, but I am kind of disappointed to say, I haven't reached out but things have been busy and I am not sure I want to either.  She's a lot.  I noticed all of these marks on her hands and arms, she told her dog, which is a dachshund, which I am familiar with being rude ass dogs, bites her and scratches her to get bites of her food when she is eating.  And sometimes when she comes to sit on the couch and he is there, he growls at her, so she goes and sits elsewhere.  I felt by the end of the visit, my energy had just been sucked out of me!  😂   Very sweet and nice people, just not really our crowd for sure.  The waitress/bartender, she was HOT.  Bryan was thrilled when she leaned over the table and her boobs all out there, she apologized to him, and he was like oh no problem.  Heck no, not a problem!!  She was awesome to me though, and Bryan even ordered some wings.  He said they were medium but at one point I looked at him, and his forehead was all sweaty.  Next thing I knew, he excused himself to the bathroom, but he told me later the sweat literally started dripping into his lap so he had to go "wash up!"  But tasty he said!!!!  LMAO!

I can't see me ever doing that again, but it was an experience for sure!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cocoon Part 1

 Happy October!!!  I know, I feel like I have been a bit gloom and doom lately.  Not sure if it is just my perspective or what but although I didn't sleep well last night, I am still happy.  Remember, I am one of those who needs like 9+ hours and that didn't happen.  We will get to why a little later.  This is my favorite month if you don't already know this from reading my blog.  I adore Halloween and have even gotten better about dressing up since I am not such a fat ass anymore.  I am also a huge fan of horror movies so of course October is not going to disappoint.  So many that are not usually free on any of our platforms.  And Bryan allows me to watch them 24/7 if I choose. :)  And that is a big deal because it is football season!  But I have to admit, sometimes I don't mind watching them with him.  It has been so long, I can even at times figure out which team is which.  And he doesn't get loud and scary like he did when we drank.

**********Started writing this yesterday********

I was too tired.  Let's see, I started yesterday which was Sunday so Saturday, Bryan and I went to a "gathering" at a bar I used to frequent called Crazy Frogs.  It was kinda crazy going there and thinking about past memories where I would go just to get out of the house and away from Bryan and the kids. Especially Bryan back then because he was that mean drunk.  Sometimes he would meet me there on his way home from work and have a few drinks, then I was always proud to show him off.  But honestly there were many times I went up there on my own, sat at the bar like the other "singles", and would meet the coolest people, or the weirdest people.  I think I also smoked cigarettes back then as well which would make sense because now the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit.  But I wasn't a "small" girl back then, so it wasn't like I had men falling all over me often.  And the bartenders knew me, so I didn't feel like I was going to get stolen.  Anywho, Bryan and I went to that "gathering" there which was folks from Next Door.  I am not sure if I have spoken of it before, but it is a community website that I joined a long time to ago to be nosey.  But then it also turned into a place to meet new friends, buy/try homemade foods, and also even help other neighbors.  While I have been "unemployed", many folks on there have stepped up and helped us out and I have been blessed enough to have been first on a lot of posts that were giving away free foods.  There is a group that meets every Thursday at Denny's, and recently they started trying new spots.  I got the invite and of course was like hell yea, it's a bar!!  I told Bryan and he offered to take me/go with me since technically I didn't know any of these people.  I was pumped until we got there and while we were walking in, I got nervous.  My anxiety kicked in, my stomach started hurting, but Bryan grabbed my hand and in we went!

Part 2 Tomorrow - Didn't have the greatest start to this morning either but will tell you then.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Couponing!!!!

 Guys and Gals, if you have a Kroger - run don't walk to get this deal!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you would like to learn more!

Extreme Couponing Deal!!!

Yall - All of these for 11 bucks!!  Yes, one is missing because the hubby put it in the fridge lol.

X0X0 ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you want me to help.  Remember, you have to spend money to make money at first.

What Color Do You See?

Have you ever seen the movie The Color Purple?  I watched it as a young child actually.  I know, strange, I was around 6 or 7.  But I loved it and my grandma on my dad's side would pop in the VHS for me.  They had the big furniture tv, you know what I am talking about, and I would sit on the carpet as close as I could to watch the movie.  As I got older, I loved the books we had to read in school like A Raisin in the Sun, To Kill a Mockingbird, you get it.  My family, they are actually quite racist so maybe I bonded with that, being abused myself, no food, feeling like a slave.  And it is quite ironic to me when I as my aunt says, "was drunk and lost your mind over us using the N word" when I brought up the fact that what happened if Claire or Taylor decided to date a black person.  And now here we are, Claire is engaged and having a baby with a black man!  LOL 😂 I personally find it quite humorous.

Most of our family has passed away on my dad's side, well, just his parents because he is a family of 6. and then on my side, very few of us left.  By my side I mean maternal.  My younger years spent many weekends over at Grandma's and Pops with my dad's family and kids. It was a blast!  All of the adults drank, us kids ran "wild", there were different rooms with card games, board games, domino games...  Plenty of snacks, sodas, and like a quarter to bring someone a beer.

We played inside, outside - I mean just think 6 children that are now adults and their children.  We had a playroom, filled with toys that Grandma has collected over the years from each kid etc.  Sometimes we would sleep over as well.  Not one of us kids would ever complain about going over there.  There was a tree in the backyard I tried to climb.  I was big about climbing trees - tomboy of course but I also loved using my imagination up there.  There was a tree that was "naked", like no bark.  I got all the way almost to the top and I slipped.  I held on as I slid down, had shorts on, and lost all the skin on the inside of my legs.  Now when I see those trees, I look at them with daggers.    One of the "game rooms" my grandma also had a station bicycle and then a large area where she cut her fabric.  Us kids would take turns riding that bike, one foot on each pedal, like a ride at Chuck E Cheese to us.  Now that I think about it, I think us three were there more than the others, but I am sure Grandma babysat us as well.  And if you have been following, my Mother wasn't aways in the picture.  Her choice.  We always wait and hope and wish to get older, and now, we look back and how I wish we could go back to those younger simpler days.  Hell, what happened to the damn ice cream man?  Even my kids had those.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Let Me Be Who I Am Meant To Be

How are we doing today?  I am feeling pretty awesome today!  Still no job, but I did manage to win almost 500.00 on an app on my phone playing slots.  Yes, I know - lots of scam artists out there but Bryan and I both did lots of research prior.  He still didn't believe me and had won over 600.00 bucks but gave it all back.  If you have ever played slots in real life, that can happen easily.  When I first started, I was up a lot and gave it back as well.  But then out of the blue, I started hitting big and decided to try and cash out.  After getting my identity confirmed, etc. - honestly, it was a lot of steps but made me feel safer as well, the money was in my bank account!  We went to Kroger to get some stuff, got me a little vodka, paid bills, it was a good day.  Of course, now I am trying hard to win again but the cool thing is, you really do not have to pay to play.  Just collect - but I can't lie and say I haven't thrown some cash here and there over the month I have been playing.  But I can say that win, I hadn't spent a dime to get, had just been collecting so I am still feeling pumped!

Of course, when I told my aunt, her first statement was oh you have to pay taxes on that.  I said woman, we will cross that bridge when we get there.  She also mentioned trying DoorDash again which I told her yes, I have thought about it, but gas is so expensive now.  She said Well it worked before paying your bills and you have to do what you have to do, which frustrated me.  But then I reminded her I had unemployment then, that paid the majority of the bills, along with Bryan's SS.  I have been applying and applying.  I am not sure what else to do.  I am going to call the unemployment office again Monday to see if they have anything that might help.

I have been playing around with the idea of OnlyFans or Fans Only; I always confuse the name.  My biggest concern is that working against me to get a job/career in the professional field.  I have it mostly set up - Just need to add my info to get paid and get started.

Bryan is worried about me being too naive, and someone finding out where we live, and I completely get that.  We need money though.  And I am too old and chunky for the pole!!!   LOL

***Update- Still waiting to hear back from OnlyFans but last night I also stumbled along a sports bar/strip club hiring.  So, I sent over my information, and they asked me to come in for an interview.   I put on a dress, did my hair, put on my boots and away we went!  It is not in the best area, but I was determined to do it on my own because of course Bryan was already nay saying it.  It is literally on a corner right by the freeway - again odd place, I think.  I went in, and of course there was a young girl working the front desk looking like she hadn't eaten in a month.  She wasn't very nice either and I don't believe I ever saw her teeth once.  I explained to her and then another manager that came out.  He didn't seem impressed either.   He asked what I was interviewing for and I told him I needed a job and would be willing to do just about anything.  He ushered me to a table with an application to fill out.  Filled it out based on the same information I had sent via email, showed him where my cell # was, thanked him for his time, and left.  I felt rejected but still proud of myself for going.  Then, this morning I check my email and it is from them telling me how they are looking forward to seeing me Saturday night.  I responded and let them know what happened.  So, we shall see!!

***One more update:  I reached out to one of the companies I had done an assessment for and hadn't heard back.  She said you have to get a 70, and I got a 67 but said she would resend it and I could do it again.  That morning was the morning Billy Jean passed away so I hope today is better.  Come on 70!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole  💗💖💋😎