Cocoon Part 1

 Happy October!!!  I know, I feel like I have been a bit gloom and doom lately.  Not sure if it is just my perspective or what but although I didn't sleep well last night, I am still happy.  Remember, I am one of those who needs like 9+ hours and that didn't happen.  We will get to why a little later.  This is my favorite month if you don't already know this from reading my blog.  I adore Halloween and have even gotten better about dressing up since I am not such a fat ass anymore.  I am also a huge fan of horror movies so of course October is not going to disappoint.  So many that are not usually free on any of our platforms.  And Bryan allows me to watch them 24/7 if I choose. :)  And that is a big deal because it is football season!  But I have to admit, sometimes I don't mind watching them with him.  It has been so long, I can even at times figure out which team is which.  And he doesn't get loud and scary like he did when we drank.

**********Started writing this yesterday********

I was too tired.  Let's see, I started yesterday which was Sunday so Saturday, Bryan and I went to a "gathering" at a bar I used to frequent called Crazy Frogs.  It was kinda crazy going there and thinking about past memories where I would go just to get out of the house and away from Bryan and the kids. Especially Bryan back then because he was that mean drunk.  Sometimes he would meet me there on his way home from work and have a few drinks, then I was always proud to show him off.  But honestly there were many times I went up there on my own, sat at the bar like the other "singles", and would meet the coolest people, or the weirdest people.  I think I also smoked cigarettes back then as well which would make sense because now the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit.  But I wasn't a "small" girl back then, so it wasn't like I had men falling all over me often.  And the bartenders knew me, so I didn't feel like I was going to get stolen.  Anywho, Bryan and I went to that "gathering" there which was folks from Next Door.  I am not sure if I have spoken of it before, but it is a community website that I joined a long time to ago to be nosey.  But then it also turned into a place to meet new friends, buy/try homemade foods, and also even help other neighbors.  While I have been "unemployed", many folks on there have stepped up and helped us out and I have been blessed enough to have been first on a lot of posts that were giving away free foods.  There is a group that meets every Thursday at Denny's, and recently they started trying new spots.  I got the invite and of course was like hell yea, it's a bar!!  I told Bryan and he offered to take me/go with me since technically I didn't know any of these people.  I was pumped until we got there and while we were walking in, I got nervous.  My anxiety kicked in, my stomach started hurting, but Bryan grabbed my hand and in we went!

Part 2 Tomorrow - Didn't have the greatest start to this morning either but will tell you then.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Couponing!!!!

 Guys and Gals, if you have a Kroger - run don't walk to get this deal!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you would like to learn more!

Extreme Couponing Deal!!!

Yall - All of these for 11 bucks!!  Yes, one is missing because the hubby put it in the fridge lol.

X0X0 ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you want me to help.  Remember, you have to spend money to make money at first.

What Color Do You See?

Have you ever seen the movie The Color Purple?  I watched it as a young child actually.  I know, strange, I was around 6 or 7.  But I loved it and my grandma on my dad's side would pop in the VHS for me.  They had the big furniture tv, you know what I am talking about, and I would sit on the carpet as close as I could to watch the movie.  As I got older, I loved the books we had to read in school like A Raisin in the Sun, To Kill a Mockingbird, you get it.  My family, they are actually quite racist so maybe I bonded with that, being abused myself, no food, feeling like a slave.  And it is quite ironic to me when I as my aunt says, "was drunk and lost your mind over us using the N word" when I brought up the fact that what happened if Claire or Taylor decided to date a black person.  And now here we are, Claire is engaged and having a baby with a black man!  LOL 😂 I personally find it quite humorous.

Most of our family has passed away on my dad's side, well, just his parents because he is a family of 6. and then on my side, very few of us left.  By my side I mean maternal.  My younger years spent many weekends over at Grandma's and Pops with my dad's family and kids. It was a blast!  All of the adults drank, us kids ran "wild", there were different rooms with card games, board games, domino games...  Plenty of snacks, sodas, and like a quarter to bring someone a beer.

We played inside, outside - I mean just think 6 children that are now adults and their children.  We had a playroom, filled with toys that Grandma has collected over the years from each kid etc.  Sometimes we would sleep over as well.  Not one of us kids would ever complain about going over there.  There was a tree in the backyard I tried to climb.  I was big about climbing trees - tomboy of course but I also loved using my imagination up there.  There was a tree that was "naked", like no bark.  I got all the way almost to the top and I slipped.  I held on as I slid down, had shorts on, and lost all the skin on the inside of my legs.  Now when I see those trees, I look at them with daggers.    One of the "game rooms" my grandma also had a station bicycle and then a large area where she cut her fabric.  Us kids would take turns riding that bike, one foot on each pedal, like a ride at Chuck E Cheese to us.  Now that I think about it, I think us three were there more than the others, but I am sure Grandma babysat us as well.  And if you have been following, my Mother wasn't aways in the picture.  Her choice.  We always wait and hope and wish to get older, and now, we look back and how I wish we could go back to those younger simpler days.  Hell, what happened to the damn ice cream man?  Even my kids had those.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Let Me Be Who I Am Meant To Be

How are we doing today?  I am feeling pretty awesome today!  Still no job, but I did manage to win almost 500.00 on an app on my phone playing slots.  Yes, I know - lots of scam artists out there but Bryan and I both did lots of research prior.  He still didn't believe me and had won over 600.00 bucks but gave it all back.  If you have ever played slots in real life, that can happen easily.  When I first started, I was up a lot and gave it back as well.  But then out of the blue, I started hitting big and decided to try and cash out.  After getting my identity confirmed, etc. - honestly, it was a lot of steps but made me feel safer as well, the money was in my bank account!  We went to Kroger to get some stuff, got me a little vodka, paid bills, it was a good day.  Of course, now I am trying hard to win again but the cool thing is, you really do not have to pay to play.  Just collect - but I can't lie and say I haven't thrown some cash here and there over the month I have been playing.  But I can say that win, I hadn't spent a dime to get, had just been collecting so I am still feeling pumped!

Of course, when I told my aunt, her first statement was oh you have to pay taxes on that.  I said woman, we will cross that bridge when we get there.  She also mentioned trying DoorDash again which I told her yes, I have thought about it, but gas is so expensive now.  She said Well it worked before paying your bills and you have to do what you have to do, which frustrated me.  But then I reminded her I had unemployment then, that paid the majority of the bills, along with Bryan's SS.  I have been applying and applying.  I am not sure what else to do.  I am going to call the unemployment office again Monday to see if they have anything that might help.

I have been playing around with the idea of OnlyFans or Fans Only; I always confuse the name.  My biggest concern is that working against me to get a job/career in the professional field.  I have it mostly set up - Just need to add my info to get paid and get started.

Bryan is worried about me being too naive, and someone finding out where we live, and I completely get that.  We need money though.  And I am too old and chunky for the pole!!!   LOL

***Update- Still waiting to hear back from OnlyFans but last night I also stumbled along a sports bar/strip club hiring.  So, I sent over my information, and they asked me to come in for an interview.   I put on a dress, did my hair, put on my boots and away we went!  It is not in the best area, but I was determined to do it on my own because of course Bryan was already nay saying it.  It is literally on a corner right by the freeway - again odd place, I think.  I went in, and of course there was a young girl working the front desk looking like she hadn't eaten in a month.  She wasn't very nice either and I don't believe I ever saw her teeth once.  I explained to her and then another manager that came out.  He didn't seem impressed either.   He asked what I was interviewing for and I told him I needed a job and would be willing to do just about anything.  He ushered me to a table with an application to fill out.  Filled it out based on the same information I had sent via email, showed him where my cell # was, thanked him for his time, and left.  I felt rejected but still proud of myself for going.  Then, this morning I check my email and it is from them telling me how they are looking forward to seeing me Saturday night.  I responded and let them know what happened.  So, we shall see!!

***One more update:  I reached out to one of the companies I had done an assessment for and hadn't heard back.  She said you have to get a 70, and I got a 67 but said she would resend it and I could do it again.  That morning was the morning Billy Jean passed away so I hope today is better.  Come on 70!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole  💗💖💋😎

Angels Among Us.

 Ok, have to share this. Last night, Billy Jean came and visited me multiple times. I had just gotten in bed, got under the covers, and then I felt and heard a cat jump up at my feet. Grabbed my phone to use the light, assuming it was Olivia cause even for a big girl, she nimble- but there was nothing there. Later, I woke up and heard her twice under my bed. She had just taken to sleeping under there when she got sick. The last night, she went into the living room like normal, so we thought even then, YAY she is getting better!!

Thank You, Princess, for coming to visit with me, even if it is the last time. <3

RIP Princess Billy Jean Moore

 It is with a heavy heart that I have to say this. We lost Princess Billy Jean around 6 am this morning. She was the runt of the litter, and what a little fighter she has been since day one. Billy Jean, you have gained your little wings, and I know we have family members there in Heaven to give you lots of love, treats, and toys. We love you always!!!!

PS. Bryan woke me up at 6 am, still dark outside and in my room. The rest of the house was flooded with light. He heard a noise, he looked behind the couch, and there was Billy Jean passed away. I hate that he woke me up and showed me her like that. She could have been sleeping but I knew she wasn't. I also know Bryan was just as upset and needed my strength. And I was strong for as long as I could be. I miss you already so much Billy Jean. <3