And Today in New Pregnancy Things..🌟

 I am sure there will be more, but I am loving the new texts from Claire while pregnant.  

Not Thriving, Not Dying......Just Vibing

I hope everyone is having a "Tubular" Tuesday!!  If you do not know that term, you're not old enough.  LOL.

I know I owe you guys some part two posts, and I will get there.  Just been a bit frazzled.  I am not sure that is quite the word I am looking for, but after everything with my sister's phone call, I just cried.  A BIG ass crying baby!!!  I went to visit a friend last night and it looked like I was exhausted and beat up from all the puffiness.  And I felt worse because as soon as I walked in her front door, I word vomited all over her.  But sometimes, that is what you need.  Especially because Bryan gets upset when I cry.  He means well, but I can't help but cry sometimes when I get overwhelmed, sick, or my heart has been broken somehow.  That bitch got a LOT of duct tape on it.  After speaking with my aunt and then my dad, I feel much better about it.  My sister is too much like my mom.  And words hurt.  Also, I think her heart be like the Grinch at times.  But like I mentioned prior, we were all raised differently.  I wear my heart on my sleeve unfortunately.

And I am still currently "unemployed".  As I mentioned selling life insurance is hard work.  So, family members have been helping us with money for bills, we go to the food pantry, my dad is going to restock our deer meat when he comes on the 4th, and my old boss takes us once a month to Costco.  It is funny, as a kid I hated meat and would rather die, even in my 30's before I would eat deer.  Look at me now!! lol Honestly, I love using it instead of ground beef, less fattening.  I guess what I am trying to say is we are definitely having a hard time right now.  But we have a roof over our head, utilities, my car is now paid off!!!!, and we have each other.  Until next time.....

XOXO ~ Nicole

 

Just a funny for the day....

 

Scars Tell a Story

 Last night I had a conversation with my sister.  I am the oldest and she is the youngest.  Then there is my brother in the middle.  She is in the military and works out there in the La Porte TX area making good money with the oil & gas or something like that.  All I know is when I was a kid, my dad was a mill writer and when I told the other kids that, they were all like a what?  Same here kids.  At that age all I could say was when he comes home, his work outfit stands up on its own, smells, and my mom has to wash it separately.  As I got older, all I know is he said I keep the lights on baby.  So, I assume my sister does the same thing.

I started off via text, because that is all she does.  Talk to text or text.  I usually don't care but what started off as an innocent conversation got muddy.  I can't blame her.  A lot of shit happened in our family when we were children that shouldn't have happened.  I spent many years doing the same thing.  I would drink, get drunk, and reminisce which always led to me crying.   She brought up old memories, ones I had buried pretty successfully, opened new ones, it took a lot, but I did not cry and I did not go to bed with it heavy on my mind.  Scars are scars, they tell a story.  But I do not want to open new cuts, new sores, new things to fester about.  We all three were raised very differently, when we were younger, we were "brother and sister" but after some time, still as children, we were in different homes.  Experiencing different things.  Being taught different things. At some point we all had awful things done to us.

We all struggle in some way or another, but as I was saying, I have worked very hard to get past all of that.  Gonna have to do a part two folks - I have cried twice now.  Ugh.  Not so much the subject although I felt bad talking to my aunt about it.  And then Claire shocked me with a text that caught me off guard.  Everything is fine with her, the baby, etc. - So To B continued...........  😢 

XOXO ~ Nicole

We Have a Name!!

 I know I mentioned when I started blogging again how Claire is now pregnant.  They finally made a choice for the name!!!!  Grayson Hayes!!!!!!!!!!!!  I love it so much and can't wait to meet him!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

You Don't Have to Go Home But.....

 Oh, my goodness, I almost forgot to tell you guys.  Remember when I posted the other day about the kitties being disgruntled, I thought with their rude customer service "post"?

So, Bryan makes sure there is always food and water in the front and back.  Don't think he started doing this.  I did!  LOL And he complained and complained and now look at him.  We have a routine, and as it starts to get dark, he calls our cat inside (Lucille) if she happens to be out there.  She is one we got TNR'd and never left.  Currently we have Billy Jean who I feel won't be far along because he adores ME!!!  All the cats, we call Bryan the cat whisperer, gravitate to him.  But Billy Jean, he loves ME!!  lol

Bryan goes outside, calls Lucille if she is out, then hollers last call y'all, like at a bar!!!!!!!!!!!!  And they all come running to eat knowing he is about to put it up for the night.  Not the water obs.  Otherwise, them possums make themselves quite at a home.  That's a face there that only a mother can love.

🙀 🙀 🙀 ~ Nicole

What You Don't See Behind the Smile

 I know I haven't spoken much yet about the mental health issues in our family.  When I say family, I mean our little family of four.  If you have read my blog, you know my Mother is bat-shot crazy, and there are some others in the branches as well.  I wrote this, I guess you would say essay at the last career I had.  I had chosen to leave my last career because the atmosphere had changed with the new "owners".  But I will say before then, we were very family oriented and they were aware and accepted my issues.  I went to a new place to work that was supposed to be my "Happily Ever After", but it turned out to be far from it.  I'm not ready to get into that yet but while I was there, I realized how ignorant some people could be towards mental health issues.  I became angry inside feeling like it was supposed to be ignored, not talked about, not understood.    So, I ended up bringing the subject to people who I knew cared about me there.  I was so happy and nervous because we had a whole "Meeting" about it with cute cupcakes with umbrellas, themed colors, and I read this in front of everyone.  It was a shame some people that really needed to hear it, weren't' there, but God has a plan.

XOXO ~

Nicole