Becoming A Woman.

Welcome back!  If you are new, see the previous post.  If you're not, I knew you'd be back.  😂

Ok, so I have written before that my aunt raised me from 11 (she says 10) until I graduated high school.  I spent every summer with my Mother, it was "required" while I was living with my aunt.  Now don't get me wrong, there were great times but there were also "Mother" times.  Ok so I get my first period, unfortunately on Mother's time.  I wasn't shocked or anything, her and my aunt had talked to me about it and the whole "sex" chat.  My Mother made a huge deal out of, which I was down with because her attention was on me!  Next thing I know, we are in her room, and she is showing me a tampon and explaining to me how it works.  Now I was not sexually active AT ALL, hadn't even French kissed a boy, but she made it seem ok even though shoving anything into my vagina sounded horrific.  You guys, she had me lay down, naked from the waist down, on a towel on her bedroom floor.  She then covered the applicator with lotion, and told me how to push it in etc.  My biggest fear was it was going to hurt, but right there with it was thinking the tampon would get lost in there.  I DO get it in, or so I think.  I could still feel it inside me though.

We go downstairs and I call my aunt to tell her the amazing news about me "becoming a woman".  She also pours me a glass of wine.  My younger brother and sister thought it was cool as hell, but I wasn't a fan of alcohol seeing as how bad things seemed to happen in our family due to it.  I remember sitting at the kitchen table, my mom drinking her wine and smoking a cigarette while we talked to my aunt, and I sat there with my wine sipping as little as possible.  They said something funny and I laughed.  You guys, that tampon shot out of my vagina like a missile and into my panties.  I was mortified.  Needless to say, it was pads from them on until I was about 18 or 19.

XOX0 ~ Nicole

 

Halloween Update & We Are Having Wine?

 I feel like last night was a big success Halloween wise!  The weather was beautiful which sounds old, I get it, but they were talking about rain, so we didn't have to all shack up in the garage.  Christine ended up not coming because they had some sort of emergency at her mom's house, nothing with the baby, she just said a friend - so no cheese dip which I was super bummed about.  And just getting to hang out with her and the baby and not fighting for attention from her family and friends.  But I finally went over to the Cubans and knocked on the door after Bryan and I got everything ready, and the wife and their son (he is so sweet 8 years), answered and she had forgot!  LOL.  He immediately threw on his Batman costume, his mom made her way over and then Tony, their dad/husband later, showed up and surprised me because I had no idea, he was still going to make it.  He drives far for work and usually comes home Friday late or early Saturday morning.  But we had fun and enjoyed the few trick or treaters we had visit.

I was looking at peri & menopause symptoms (why TF am I growing these thick black hairs out my chin!?!?) and a memory popped in my head, come back tomorrow so I can tell you about my adventure with me getting my first period when I was staying with my Mother during the summer and her take on how to use a tampon for the first time.

PS. Come back tomorrow - this day just got away with me!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Do You Know What......... NSFW - RATED -R!!

Hey y'all, it's me again.  I just wanted to write this separately and not with the Halloween stuff.  So last night I said I went to bed, well fell asleep around midnight kind of - well it was even more perturbing because I used one of my "friends" before it was time to go to sleep, and usually after having an orgasm a few times, I just pass out.  And it was a great session!!  Like, one of the bests I have had in like forever because I was able to quiet my mind, focus on the Sound Baths I put on (which I highly recommend for pleasuring yourself as well as tarot reading or just a good 'ole soul cleansing) and just relax.  Relaxing is hard for me.  For one, my mind seems to be constantly thinking so I try to focus on the "Music" but sometimes it is hard.  I am really bad about tensing up and trying to force it which is no bueno.  You might get off, but you feel like you worked for it so hard, was it worth it?

A long time ago, you can find it in the blog, I hosted a party for sex toys, etc.  I myself was not familiar with them at all.  I had always heard about the Rabbit, so of course I went for something like that, but it was the whole shaft shall we say?  I remember it had these pearl looking beads that rotated around towards the bottom of it.  It was pretty, and of course it was pink, but not sure what those were supposed to do.  Different speeds, all that jazz but my issue was you're basically trying to shove a whole "penis" in your vagina and I am sorry but, that was not a turn on.  My favorite was the bathtub.  I think I saw it on a movie once, tried it, and that was eye-opening!  Then we got one of those fancy shower heads that was removable, OMG.  Did Bryan know?  No.  I was always taught men need to think they are "KING" when it comes to sex lol.  But the big thing for me also was I learned I was a squirter.  If you do not know what that is ladies, it means when you have an orgasm, it's very wet.  Gets messy like put a towel down or maybe two just in case.  Some men think it is hot, some don't.  I have always been self-conscious about it since finding out it could happen when I got older and Bryan was as he calls "finger-banging" me.  Later on in our marriage I asked his thoughts, he said he doesn't mind it, but it is messy.  LOL. 

And like I said earlier, realizing I could do it in the shower or tub, way better and cleaner and I didn't have to be embarrassed of it.  But the thing was, that hardly ever happened with the rabbit.  I didn't really care for the whole penis inside; it was what was happening to my clitoris.  I didn't realize that is what felt so good until, I bought a vibrator that was literally just a stimulant for it.  I now own one that is comparable to I think they call it the bullet, but it is completely chargeable via a phone charger!!!!!!!!!! and then one that stimulates and sucks!!!!!! your clit.  Now that one, you definitely need to make sure you're in the mood cause sometimes it feels like it is going to suck but a lip or two if you don't have it positioned just right.  I also highly recommend darkness, fans pointed on you, and make sure you either sprayed down your bedding with your favorite scent or at least have a candle going.

Last night, it had been a while since I had that many orgasms because like I mentioned earlier, I get stuck in my head not to make a mess and squirt, but Jesus was it worth it.

So, if you are anything like me and need suggestions before you take 20 plus years to figure out YOU - Ask me!

PS.  Someone just messaged me - yes, both get warm as well.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Happy Halloween 2026!!

 Happy Halloween!!!  It is finally here!  I am SO excited!  Now the sucky part is, I didn't sleep well last night.  I have no idea why not.  I am excited for Halloween but not THAT excited.  Went to "sleep" at almost midnight, and each time I would start to doze off, my mind would startle me awake.  What I mean by that is I used to have issues sleeping, I would start to feel like I was suffocating, and my mind would race and tell me to get up, get moving.  I would pace and pace the house or outside or sit out in the Livingroom watching tv with Bryan.  Poor guy.  But after getting on Celexa and then Zoloft, especially the Zoloft, I stopped feeling that way.  With the Zoloft, when I kind of start to feel that way, another part of the brain (I refer to as the Zoloft part) tells me everything is fine, relax, don't be dumb, go to sleep and it works.  But last night, I would start to doze off and then my brain would startle me awake.  Over every little noise, sound, EVERYTHING.  I don't normally sleep that poorly unless I have Oliva with me, although she is getting better.  I felt like I finally fell asleep around 4 am and then when I woke up at like 8 am, I texted Bryan and told him I was going to try and go back to sleep.  I did off and on, till almost 11 and then wanted to get up.

We are going to be "hosting" a little get-together in our garage.  Gonna hand out goodies for the kiddos, and Christine and the baby are coming down with CHEESE DIP!!!  Yes, you know I requested that again!  LOL.  We invited our Cuban neighbors but haven't heard back yet.  I am sure we will either later or they will just pop by.  Bryan is grilling ribs, making his famous cowboy beans, I'm not sure about the other sides yet.  If the Cubans come, I am sure they will bring things as well which is always a 50/50.  Sometimes, especially their proteins, are tasty but other things, not so much.  They get confused on the holidays so that is why I say they will probably show up.  And they finally invested in some Vodka instead of all of their dark liquors so YAY!  We are not dressing up since we did last weekend, and we are just gonna chill in the garage.  I am excited and a little nervous because we don't normally have people over, especially littles and I worry about all of our animals and crap on the floor.  Not literally, but you never know.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Vashti Gifts

 Vashti, I have written about her and her mom and their meaningful relationship to me as a child, teen, and then early 20's.  Anne, her mom, mentioned about sending me her old Barbies and asked me a few months ago about these little angels that Vashti had collected, if I would like them?  Well of course I said yes - Having anything of Vashti's in my home would be a blessing.  To get the Care Bears as well, that was just icing on the cake.  I immediately wanted to take them out and play with them, but I didn't.  Thank you, Anne, AKA Mom!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

"Cloud Couch"?

 I was just facetiming with Claire, my daughter, so I could see their new place out there in Kansas. I noticed her fiancé trying to open a vacuum sealed package. I asked Claire what it was and she said their couch! Somehow, this thing is supposed to pop out of there and become a couch. I can't wait to see this.....

The below is what I imagine lol.

Like Mother Like Daughter, Kinda.

Have you ever seen the movie The Indecent Proposal?  I believe I have asked this question before when I was posting about the movies, I watched that day.  But we have some newbies so if you haven't, a married couple down on their luck money-wise are offered a proposal from another man to sleep with the wife.  Bryan said he wouldn't do it, but I would.  I love my husband and the idea of having sex with another man is not on my top 5 for sure, but if it meant we were set for life, sign me up and consider me yours till it's done!  I can't lie; I have done my fair share of things sexually for money back in the day.  Only with actual boyfriends, but I have.  Not sex though.  What can I say, my Mother taught me well......

My Mother was all about her looks, and yes, she was beautiful and an amazing body, but inside she has a black heart.  It's all about her.  In my opinion, she should have never had children because she is too selfish.  Us 3 kids had savings accounts our parents helped us set up.  We were young but would save our coins etc. and my dad would match it.  When she left my dad, she drained all 3 accounts.  She taught me at a young age men would do or give just about anything when you are beautiful and sexy.  Yes, I know, this is not a good thing but that was not how I raised by her.  I remember one time when I was living with Anne and Vashti when I was around 20, that is when I met Bryan and Drew.  Feel free to search in my previous posts to refresh yourselves or learn.  Anne actually called my Mother to complain about me receiving constant gifts from the boys.  I am not sure if they were just jealous or what, but them my Mother chose to belittle me about it.  I remember thinking, I am doing what you taught me, but I would never argue with her for fear of getting slapped or who knows what else.

Now, have I used sex with Bryan when he is in a bad mood - Hell Yeah, I have and he knows it.  I used to be hot AF, then I got older, a desk job, discovered beer, ya know but no matter what, Bryan has always been attracted me.  It helps that we "grew" together because I had an old work friend and she got fat and he didn't and lost interest in her which is sad.  We both lost a lot of weight, which makes me feel more attractive although I weighed a few days ago and asked Bryan if the scale was broken because damn, that shit sneaks up on you like "Mr. Deeds".  I had gotten down to 174 while Doordashing, but since trying to find a career that I really wanted, which means sitting at my computer all day in the home office, and drinking, well my ass is up now to 200.  At my heaviest I was 240 but the last time I weighed I think I was 290 and then apparently didn't step back on that bitch for like a month.  What does this mean?  Well, it makes me not feel so confident especially with Bryan now.  I know I saw his ass looking at my stomach yesterday.  Which makes me not want to be really sexually active because I don't feel like the sexy bitch I normally do.  I know I am still sexy with curves and all, but it makes me proud to have lost that weight.  Which means I need that new job pronto, so I don't drink as much and I need to get more active for sure!!  In the meantime, I will channer my inner Anna-Nicole so I can be the bad-ass bitch I know I am.

XOXO ~ Nicole