Yesterday was the first day of school. Claire is now an 8th grader and Taylor is in 7th. I got behind on Taylor's shots because the doctor's office used to send me notices in the mail but stopped with no warning. So when we did registration this past weekend, we were unable to get Taylor's schedule because the nurse was holding it hostage until I showed her proof of current immunizations. I told her I had an appointment Monday morning but she strongly pursed her lips and shook her head no. I was glad to see I wasn't the only parent because damn that nurse's line was long.
Fast forward to Monday morning. Our appointment was at 9 but I arrived at 8 to try to get in and out as quickly as possible so he could stop stressing about missing some of the first day of school. They called us back, the nurse asked us some questions, and then she laid a paper gown on the table and told Taylor to undress to just his skivvies. She walked out of the room and he looked at me like someone just told him his Playstation blew up along with all of his other games. I explained to him that the doctor was going to a check up/physical and believe it or not, he had done this before but probably just didn't remember.
He put the gown on while I folded his clothes and then sat stiffly on the table. I told him it wasn't going to be that big of deal. He would listen to his heart, his breathing, feel on his tummy, check out his spine, and then check out your package. He gave me a look that said "are you fucking kidding me?" I told him all was good, they do did the same thing with your sister. They just want to make sure you are developing normally down there and see if you have hair yet. You know, puberty to which he answered "Yes I have hair, see" - as he pulled the hair on his arm. He went on to warn me that he might punch the doctor while he rubbed up on his manliness but assured everything would be fine.
He asked me if I knew about guys having to get a finger up their butt by doctors and I said yes and that it was checking their prostate. He asked me if Dad had done it and I said no but he will. (Of course when we were eating dinner last night, he turned to Bryan and said "So, you looking forward to having a finger up your butt?")
While we continued to wait he asked me where he would be getting his shots. I told him it would probably be in his arm which he said was good because he thought having to show his butt to someone would make him very uncomfortable. But then he went on to say if he DID get the shots in his butt he could tell everyone he got shot in the buttocks like Forrest Gump and that he needed to eat ice cream all day.
The doctor finally came in and did his normal stuff and then he had Taylor lay down. He squished around on his stomach and then told Taylor he could sit up. I thought maybe Taylor had lucked out but then he asked some more questions and began to slap on some gloves. He turned to me and said "Mom, I am going to go ahead and check out his boy parts to make sure everything is ok." I saw Taylor's face distort into this crazy Jack Nicholson smile he does when he is nervous and trying not to bust out laughing. He laid back down, doc pulled back his undies and I looked at the wall.
He told Taylor he could sit back up and I glance at Taylor who I am expecting to say Heeerrrreeee's Johnny! any second but I try not to make eye contact because I don't want to set him off and I know he is really trying. The doctor throws the gloves in the trash, stand in front of me as he speaks directly to me saying Taylor still has a lot of growth to go and he didn't see much hair yet but was common with Taylor being a preemie and being behind in that area. He turned and addressed us both that his testicles are smooth and he didn't feel anything that shouldn't be there and how that was a good thing because he was checking for cancer. He told Taylor to check them once a month to which he nodded but I thought he was going to faint.
After the doctor left, he let out a huge sigh and exclaimed how awkward that was! He said he would have rather have had a girl doctor but when I reminded him what could have happened if it had been a girl he thought was pretty............... He was all for the guy doctor!!
I got him to school in time for 2nd period so he was a happy camper.
*I tried to get him to take a picture in his gown like his sister did a few years ago but he refused. This was the best I got.*
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