Do You Hear Voices?

 I do.  Now, I know you are going to start thinking perhaps I am like Taylor and need psychosis meds and so on, but I don't.  At least not yet anyway.  Although on my maternal side there is a high possibility of dementia and Alzheimer's.  But what I hear, I would compare it more like to PTSD.  Or so I have been told.

It's always at night.  It used to be mostly hearing the kids from when they were little.  And then of course I would hear what I thought was Bryan either yelling at the kids or yelling at something.  But the thing is, it isn't happening.  It feels like it is though.  It also goes back to my younger years where I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually - so if I think the bedroom door opens, I immediately start to wake.  It doesn't help that our Cuban neighbors seem to play their music ALL THE TIME.  I can hear it when it is low (because of the base), when they use it as an alarm, and when they have it blaring of course.  They are AMAZING neighbors, but my room is right there by their living room which stinks.

If I don't get enough sleep because of them, then I hear even more.  Ugh.  I have been trying different types of ZEN music to help but blessedly the past two nights, they have been super quiet and no music at all at times.  Could have something to when I went over there Saturday, I had been sad for I think 2 days by then, and they were bumping!  I just texted them; we are family-like, and I may have mentioned to one of our couple friends that I haven't been getting much sleep due to the music.  If they said something. God Bless.

So, if you couldn't figure that out, I didn't get the position.  He chose the lady who interviewed after me.  The HR lady still loves me and since they are an e-commerce company, she has a new position coming soon she wants me to apply.  In the meantime, I continue to apply.

XOXO ~ Nicole

When Did I Get So Old?

 *Singing*  Here I go, again on my own....

That is just a lame way of saying yes, I have been absent again from you guys.  I am still in the process of finding a job that is hourly or salary, and not just commission.  We can't live like this, if you want to even call it that.  And like I mentioned, the family and Claire have been helping.

I had an interview yesterday, well 2, the first one with HR and then the hiring manager.  It was all via Google Meet because the position is a work from home which I really need.  I'm old now.  I can't stand 8 plus hours like I could when I was younger.  This position is only paying 14.00 an hour, but I gotta start somewhere.  It's sad to think how much I was making and where I am now.  I really like the life insurance, but I feel like all of my hard work is just getting eaten up by chargebacks etc.  Doesn't seem worth it.

As I was saying, the interviews went alright.  Of course, both of them are around Claire's age.  I also had to take assessment tests and Lord let me tell you, when I saw the math portion, waaa waaa waaaa.  I am HORIBBLE at math.  That's why God made calculators!  There were percentages, subtraction of huge numbers, and what comes next on these weird shapes.  When she told me I fell below the score slightly, I figured it would be that one, considering most of my shit were guesses.  But nope, it was the email portion.  I failed to remember there was a certain number of letters that needed to be used.  She loves me, so she chatted with guy who would does the final interview and he agreed to interview me.

That was fun.  Not.  He mentioned he was in The Philippines.  Tell me why my dumbass said, Oh wow - How is Thailand?  Yup, I did.  That's another thing about me.  I suck at geography and get lost super easily.  Everything went great until we did the mock customer phone call.  Started off well, and then I started getting nervous and choked.  I talked to the HR girl after, and she pretty much told me that was the only issue and how he has one more interview the next morning.  She let me know she was going on vacation but stay by the phone because she wanted to hopefully get me rescheduled to try that part again.

I didn't sleep well because I kept waking up to look at my phone to see what time it was because I can easily sleep until 10-11 am.  Plus, Bryan and I went to Uncle Albert's for a few hours.  I needed out of the house.  Listened to music, watched people, I had 2 beers and a nasty shot.  Bryan drank his Coca-Cola.  He is so stinking cute!  I was in bed sound asleep by 11 pm which is not abnormal for us.  Makes me think of my great-grandparents because every night they watched the 10pm news and then went to bed.  I got up around 9 am, took some Tylenol because I'm old, ate, and just been dragging.  Definitely not my normal energetic self.  Oh, and there were some tears last night also prompting to want to get out of the house for a bit because I am trying so hard for this 14.00 an hour position.  It's hard to wrap my mind around it but God knows what is best.

I am still waiting.  I never heard from anyone this morning.  Now she did tell me she was going on vacation but begged and pleaded I be available.  So, I sit here thinking, is no news good news?

XOXO ~ Nicole

Happy 17 Years My Love!

 First, I wanted to start off apologizing for being kind of missing.  Been having what I call sad days.  Especially today.  I have no idea why, it is our 17th wedding anniversary, and I was so excited yesterday only to feel like impending doom was on its way when I woke up.  I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I still do not have a job, no income coming in but family and friends that help, Bryan has his social security, and we are still working hard on Taylor's.  I knew Bryan wanted to go and eat, and don't get me wrong, I love to eat especially out to eat because it is something we do not get to do very often being broke jokes.  But my stomach has still been a little cranky since I got so sick from Bingo.  I went though, and yes, the food was delicious and who doesn't like people watching?  We go to this buffet which I know sounds ridiculous for an anniversary lunch, but it is close to the house, and the variety and choices like sushi, veggies, honestly everything is so fresh and yum.  Came home, feeling a little stuffed, I tried hard not to shovel food into my face because after my sickness, I lost weight! LOL.  Imagine that!  Got home and decided to take a nap.  Yes, I know, awful for you but I hoped to "feel" better after mentally.

I didn't.  Actually, I started feeling a bit anxious in between catnapping.  Still not sure why.  Luckily, I was able to book an appointment for my refills and chatted with my doctor about it.  It was kind of ironic because she got up and closed the door and then talked to me about how she also was having a sad day.  She said she was normally happy, bubbly, (like me), but at lunch she was sad.  That made me cry again but smile as well.  Then I found out from hu hubby's step brother-in-law that he was gifting us the X-Box giveaway that I missed out on!!  Bryan and Taylor are going to be so excited! So, through all the tears and fake smiles, it has been a good day.  Happy Anniversary Husband-Of Mine!  Forever and Ever!!!!!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Holy Crap, Santa is Hiring!!

 The hubs found a good deal on a rack for the plants. He has quite the green thumb and keeps the outdoors and indoor plants happy and heathy. I kill them all. Anywho, he was so excited when the box arrived this morning. Like a little kid, it was super cute!

I continued doing my thing and then come out into the living room and see my man looking like he signed up for Santa!!!

All jokes aside though, he is enjoying doing this, said it is like big Legos. And it helps a lot for exercising his hands. I love him so much!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS. Final photo coming soon! <3🌱🌲🌷🌹🌸🍂🍁🌼🌺

Final product!!!  <3

You guys, I do not know what is going here with the black etc.  We shall just call it art!

Baby Momma Bear 🐻

 As you guys know, Claire is pregnant and lives in Kansas.  I like to say currently because I hope and pray daily, she returns back home.  She has been approved for KanCare or something like that.  For me, it is equivalent to WIC, Medicaid, etc.  They told her she needed to get her social security card updated because it still has the last name Fige instead of Moore.  Feel free to dig into older posts for that "Jerry Springer" story.  She had the paperwork with her as well from Bryan's dad who was a lawyer that drew up the documents to have her last name legally changed to Moore.  She called us afterwards and said, "That lady was so rude!"  Bryan and I both told her unfortunately many of those people do not enjoy their jobs.  I had one a few weeks ago that made me so angry, I almost cried.  But as we know, Claire is a red-head and tends to have way much more firecracker than her Momma.  Below is her conversation with the rep in person.

Lady:  Why wasn't this taken care of when the paperwork was done?

Claire:  I don't know, I was 4.

Lady:  Well, why didn't your parents get it taken care of?

Claire: Again, I don't know, I was 4.

All I can say is watch out for pregnant red heads y'all.

Book Readers Come Hither!!

Guys, I am not sure who is more excited about reading and reviewing books, me or the person I am helping!!!!  Stay tuned for more updates.  

XOXO ~ Nicole

Sick, but Still a Coupon Princess 👸!

 This stomach virus I picked up from Bingo, it ain't playing.  I started feeling better yesterday I thought but then woke up again in the middle of the night, super sweaty, and had diarrhea again.  I didn't get out of bed until around 9:30. Ate some bland noodles, drank lots of water, laid back down.  Woke up again with well, you know, drank more water and laid back down.  It has been a day.  But I was able to get some couponing done in between!  I told Bryan, now this was over a few days, but when I told him he said, so you just woke up and made sure to check deals when you were sick??

No silly, I had some things I had to check on and while I did those, scanned a few deals and voila!!  You're welcome.

That is 3 13.5 lbs. of cat food, 18 total.  The smaller bags were an oopsie and paid sadly 18 for those but that was on me.  Damn you sickness!!!  And then that is 5 12 count toilet paper for..... 8 bucks!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Well, That Wasn't on My Bingo Card

Wow, what a few days it has been!!!  We went to Mandy's birthday party at the bingo place.  It wasn't too far luckily but we were to be there at 6:30. We stopped at the gas station to get us each a Monster.  We stopped drinking those after we stopped Door Dashing, but we knew we were going to need them going out later than the norm.  We are home bodies and I am a day drinker.  Plus, I don't care for crowded places, but I really wanted to go for Mandy, and I would have loved to have won some monies!!!!

When we walked in, they have a guard at a desk.  There is a sign no bringing drinks, food, etc. because they have a kitchen and "bar".  The games started at 7, but Mandy wanted to make sure they had enough tables/seats because there were quite a few of us.  I noticed it smelled like stale cigarettes but figured it was from when they used to allow it maybe.  It was an older building.  Bryan pointed out that it was tied to VFW so that was cool.  After we sat our stuff down and gave Mandy her gift to open later, she pointed us to the line where you buy your stuff to play.  We got in line and (they take cash only) I told Bryan what Mandy has said to buy.  Like I said, our first time (and last!!).  We each got the 60-dollar packet, and they kept mention computers.  I even saw on the website win computers!!  My ass thought they were talking about laptops.  Nope.  They were not.

We walk over to the table where Mandy is sitting with us (Thank God) clutching our receipt with these little other receipts to it.  She explains to us we need to go over to this other area to get the "computers", and when she pointed, I had assumed it was the bar because it said Triple Crown in big lights, it was not and apparently the name of the place.  We go over there and there is one gentleman who does not speak English manning the "computers".  I shall call them tablets from now on because they reminded me of those you can play at Buffalo Wild Wings.  We show him our tickets like we are in line at Costco, and he just pointed to the tablets and said, any one!

Bryan and I each had 5 tablets.  I gather mine up and precariously walk back to the table looking like a complete dumb-ass, I am sure.  I look around and see then how they just stacked theirs on top of each other.  Touche. 

Mandy shows us how to set them up.  Kind of in a half circle shape.  I'm stressed, so Bryan and I go to the concession/bar.  They actually had some delicious looking food; I can't complain about that.  Their little bar was to the left, and I was shocked they had beer on tap!  I thought, score!!!  7 bucks for a pitcher of Bud Lite - sold!!!  Order my pitcher, was it the biggest pitcher, no - but I could easily get 4 glasses out of it or share if I choose to in my plastic cups.  In front of Mandy and her two friends sitting across from Bryan and I, they have the paper sheets with a "dauber" AND the tablets!  I start to get a little overwhelmed, thinking I had to keep up with both - I mean that is a LOT going on y'all.  Husband of the Year saw right away though, we both started asking more questions, I poured another cup of beer, and lo and behold the tablets played on their own and we didn't purchase the paper ones!  That meant sit back, drink, eat, and watch your electronic devices!  Now right now you may ask about the cleanliness.  Negative.  I never saw anyone wipe those stupid tablets down - but I would wash my hands when I went to the restroom and drink more to not think about it.

But guys, no one told me that we were going to be there until 11 pm at night!  I ended up getting a second pitcher, only finished half, Bryan and I shared a fry because we had all intentions of grabbing a bite on the way home.  Playing was expensive enough (and no wins) so we didn't want to spend more than we had to.  Between games, I got bored and wandered around.  Guys, they had slot machines!!!!  I love slot machines, but as soon as I opened the door and walked into the "room", people were smoking.  And there was no roof!  It was just an area for the machines and closed off I guess enough.

We left; Mandy loved her gift and card I made for her that I posted the other day.  We start driving home and every place is either closed or the drive-thru is around the block because it is after 11 and now the good folks coming home from bars/clubs need sustenance.

We get home, I am exhausted, animals still need to be fed, Taylor checked on (he did great other than forgetting to lock the front door) - Bryan, bless his heart, took care of everything while I got ready for bed.  Brushed my teeth, walking to my bed, and I throw up on the carpet.  Not a lot, I used to be as Bryan and Claire would say, The Puke Queen (I hated it), but enough where it did need a little cleaning.  I had started on it but then Bryan came to check on me, so he cleaned up the rest and I went to bed.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I felt awful.  Like hangover awful so I figured maybe drinking the draft after not for some time and no dinner, and lack of sleep.  You know girlfriend needs like 9 plus.  I ate some ramen with some Tylenol, went back and laid down for a few hours.  Oh, and made sure to drink lots of water and some pickle juice!  Laid back down around 12 and slept for a few more hours.  I was having diarrhea by then.  Again, chalked it up the draft beer.  But I just felt crummy all day, no matter what.  At 7 pm, I called it a night and went to bed.  All night, I had the worst pressure in my lower tummy.  I knew it was gas but the best way I can compare it to is after you have surgery and it is all just "stuck" in there.  If I tried to toot, I was scared I would shit my bed.  My stomach would just make these awful growling noises and cramp so badly.  Each time I woke up, my blankets and pillow were SOAKED with sweat.  I kept trying to find a nice safe dry place like back in the old days when you would have sex and didn't want to sleep in the wet spot.  And then you lay there shaking cold as the sweat dries on your body on somewhat damp areas.

Finally, never thought I would be so excited, but I started passing gas around 4 am.  They gave me such relief in my damp, sweaty, cold ass bed.  I hope and hoped for more and I occasionally got larger ones that smelled like something died.  I tried my best to get in like the fetal position but it hurt so much to move.My stomach is still very sore, feels like I got punched in my stomach a few times, but I can see the Sunshine on the horizon!!!!  And I will never go there again.

Love, Nicole 

PS.  Mandy's gift wrapping - Hey, got to use what we got!

PSS. Sorry I didn't get to post yesterday.  Google has been taking a crap on me.

Who Are You Today?

 How did you sleep last night?  I slept well, like I mentioned in a previous post, that is not an issue this time around.  Some mornings I do not even get out of bed until noon.  Bryan and I have this thing where if I am not up by 11 am, he comes and checks on me.  When you have a wife with mental health issues, I am sure it is compared to turning the handle on that damn Jack-in-the-Box.  Awful toy.  But he is my rock.  And he can tell just how I respond if I am having a good day or bad one.  I kept waking up in the middle of the night for one, and then it seemed like my left arm was hurting, tingling, so then I thought I was having a heart attack and sniffed for burnt toast.  Something I have been told.  No clue if is real or not though.  Imagine when I used to watch House.  I was pretty sure I was dying from whatever disease they had going on.  I had to stop watching that for my own mental health.  LOL.

Then that one stopped and a little later, the right arm started doing the same thing!    And sometimes, it felt like my fingers were asleep.  After I got up, my wrists were bothering me and so is my upper back, around my neck area.  I took some IB Profin about an hour ago so that is helping.  I guess it is just one of the wonders of getting old.  As my dad says, getting old is not for the weak.  Now of course it didn't help that I went to bed worried about money, the text I sent for help, but the Zoloft is still helping tremendously.  Somehow, I am able to just shut that off and go back to sleep.

I am very happy someone close to me is helping with the bills.  I still have that one application pending, continue to pray on that one.  That was a sigh of relief when the text response was good news, but then I log in to check on my status for getting approved to make a profit on my blog, only to get discouraging news.  If you are a writer, or even a dreamer, you know how that can hurt.  If any of my blog readers have any ideas or ways to help, please do.  We would be so appreciative!!  It made me not want to write.  It made me think why am I doing this?  And then I remembered that you are doing this because Nicole you like to write.  And you love blogging.  And you do have readers out there that care. 

This evening Bryan and I are going to Mandy's birthday party.  It is BINGO Ya'll!!   At first, I was like I do not have gray hair.  But she got me ad Bud Lite and the snack bar.  And Bryan is the DD!!!!  Wish me luck!

~ Nicole

Ramen for you, Ramen for me....

 Are you a ramen fan? I know I am, and my family. We like to get the cheap ones that I am sure most of you guys are familiar with. But we add things to the ramen to make it "fancy". Hard boiled eggs, maybe some veggies, and recently I used the beef flavored ramen and added some canned diced tomatoes and of course some of the juice. DELICIOUS!! What all have you tried?

***This post is originally from different platform, but the responses are so AWESOME, I must share!!!! I will post more another day.

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS. I highly suggest you watch The Ramen Girl. It i scute, makes you hungry, and feel goods inside. <3

Holding It Together-ish

 I feel like I have so much going on right now.  I don't, but it seems like it.  I guess it is more emotional than anything.  I have one position left still being reviewed that I applied to for a worm from home job that pays salary AND commission.  I know, a Unicorn for sure!!!  Claire has been helping us along with other friends and family members, but we are at the point now where Claire needs to use her funds elsewhere and family/friends are spent.  I am hanging on to that positive response from that company.  Not sure what will happen after that yet, but as they say, one day at a time.

It does mess with my head a bit.  Zoloft thus far has continued to be a hero, but I have found myself sleeping more than normal in the last few days.  But I would much prefer that over that damn insomnia!  And continue to take my "old lady" pills before bed, magnesium, black cohosh (ladies if you are going through this peri-menopause thang or menopause, you want to know about these.), potassium, and Zinc if I am feeling an illness coming on possibly.  I take a few others in the morning but those are my blood pressure and Zoloft.  Oh, and sometimes Vitamin D!  It is hard to get milk around this bitch with Taylor.  But I do try to get out in the sun as much as possible however the Sun these days?  I think The Devil himself set that up.  But I try to knock out all the badness and negative comments that tell me I suck, you are a loser, you would be better off not here - I am able to get past those and snuggle back down and sleep.  In my safe, pink, comfy, squishy, vanilla scented bed.

And then my brother.  I don't think I have spoken much about him in a long time, but he has struggled for a while with drugs and alcohol and then his young daughter was taken from him.  He is in a much better place now, mind and location, and I am super proud of him.  We have been in contact since he decided to get clean.  Our Mother on the other hand is hell bent to try and get to him and especially take his daughter.  She is safe and sound in another state with her maternal grandmother and thriving.  If you have read my blog for some time, my Mother is not a good person.  It would be like picking this beautiful fruit and then you bite into it, and it is rotten to the core.  With bugs and mold too.  Since she doesn't know where he is and no one will share the information, she has decided to file a missing person's report for him.  And she decided to name myself and Dad as people of interest.  How do I do know this?  My Dad told me and showed the emails.  My brother is working on filing a restraining against her which I fully support.  He will not get better with her in his ear.

I am trying my best to be there for my brother.  I am proud of his accomplishments, and I do believe he will succeed.  I just don't want to have to speak, email, any communication from Mother.  When she passes away, it is going to be a sad day for her because not one of her 3 children will be there or care.

Please keep me in your prayers for this new job and Momma making some money!!!  💵 💵

XOXO ~ Nicole

Amanda

 Amanda today is your birthday.  I'm not sure if we have ever even celebrated each other's birthdays in person.  I don't recall them, so I am guessing no.

I remember when we became best friends, and we spent as much time as possible together.  That summer, I had to go and visit my mom in Georgia.  It was going to be the first time we had been away from each other which to us seemed like the end of the world.  

Your Mom took us to Galveston.  I believe she had a Jeep Cherokee at that time.  She loved this song called "Ain't Even Done With The Night" by John (I think he lost the Cougar or Mellencamp, I forget which one) eventually.  She played it often, so it was a good thing we liked it so much!!  It was the end of the trip, you guys were bringing me back home and we heard Clint Black (you had such a crush on him with your red cowboy boots - I personally thought he looked like a Shar-Pei.) and Wynonna Judd's song "A Bad Goodbye" and it became "our song".  

I gave you my Fievel, from An American Tail, he was my most beloved possession at that time.  When we reconnected, I remember you bringing him up when I came to swim with you.  I glowed inside and probably out (could have been that damn sun), that you remembered him.

Most people can't say they are in touch or see their HS bestie often, but I get to!

***PS.  I still hold it against her for finding new friends while away tho.  ;)***

Love, Nicole

Baby Grayson Update!

Bbay Grayson was not very cooperative today but look at that foot and leg!!!!!  Can't wait to meet my grand-baby!!!

 

Attack of The Killer Onions!!!

 I like to call myself a pro at stacking shit in the fridge.  Actually, I consider it like Tetris although that game stresses me out but at least there is no timer for the refrigerator.  Really though, Bryan can confirm and asks me to help the dishwasher and the fridge.  He has gotten a lot, I mean TONS better about the dishwasher, but he still asks me for my SKILLZ for the fridge.

Then last night happened.  We had a Loc-n-Lock (If you do not have these, you are missing out!)  in the fridge with 1 onion cut in half, and then half a bell pepper.  I reached in, grabbed something, and when I went to pull it out and turned my back to close the door, I must have clipped it.

It comes tumbling out, I try to catch it with my free hand, which is my left because I'm a righty.  It hits in the fleshy area right below the thumb.  Then bounces to my knee, I try to bounce it up like a damn soccer ball (I was bound and determined not to drop that bitch because then I would have to hear it from Bryan) and then drops on my baby pinkie toe!  Knee picture below.  

I told Bryan the next day, Nicole 0 - Onions - 1

Never A Dull Moment

 As I have mentioned, Taylor is a very picky eater.  As an adult, he will eat whatever we put in front of him begrudgingly, but if it was his choice he would live off of cereal, ramen, chicken tenders or nuggets, fries, you get the picture.

Yesterday I offered him soup and salad or soup and sandwich.  Soup to Taylor is chicken noodle soup poured out of the can.  He requested sandwich (grilled cheese) and soup.  I got the can of soup out like normal, but before I opened it, he came back and said he would like tomato soup.  Bryan and I both looked at each other because this kid has never even had tomato soup before.  I knew right then and there he went back to his room and googled best soups to eat with a grilled cheese.  So, I warmed it up for him, Bryan added some croutons per Taylor's request, and he proceeded to dup his grilled cheese and then eat the soup.  But if you could have seen his face!  LMAO You could tell he was not impressed.  A little while ago, I get a text from him from his room.  It said, I didn't really enjoy the tomato soup just to let you know.  I love that guy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, our TNR'd babies/colony I have told you guys about?  Some of them we allow to come inside to cool off, etc. - one of those is Cleopatra.  Bryan gets up way earlier than I do and takes care of the morning feedings and such.  This morning he told me Cleopatra is a vampire.  I said why?  He said that she is so polite.  She waits for me to invite her in, like a vampire!!  😂 

I Guess I Have Always Been a Storyteller

 I think I mentioned the other day that I started writing at a pretty young age, if my memory is correct, I started writing around the age 8-10 years old.  I don't remember the exact age but, I do know it was around that time.  I started writing short stories.  I lived with my Mother at that time in George in a townhouse, just the two of us.  Rough times, but I survived.  Anyway, my Mother's room was upstairs, and mine was directly underneath.  I remember when she would wake me in the mornings for school, I would stay in bed and wait to hear her shower to turn off because I could hear it in the wall.  I had my own bathroom which was awesome!  Also, I had a window in my shower!!!  I had never seen that before; I loved opening it and the steam would billow out.  It was actually quite lower than ones I saw later in my life, but it opened to the woods in the back (one of the things I loved about living in GA) so I could easily look out while showering.  However, one time, some kids were walking behind the townhouses my age and I freaked.  When I lived in FL, there was one in the shower as well, but it was much higher.  I still loved it tho and wish we had one.  And if you think about it, it could help with the moisture up in there from showering.  At my grandma's and great-grandmothers, they had windows as well but in the wall above the toilet.  That made no sense to me as a kid and whenever I had to use the potty, I was convinced everyone could hear me peeing outside.  Now, makes sense, way better than an air freshener when you done stank up the rest room!!  And my God, could we use that!  Taylor is notorious for his farts and #2's.  His farts since he was a kid smell like a dying old man.  Stale, nasty.  There are no words for the other.  All I can say is if I go in too soon after him, I start doing the throw up noises.

So back to the townhouse, I love to read and still do.  But I was an avid reader when I was young.  I was alone a lot, but Mother did get me great books to read.  I remember when she got me the Chronicles of Narnia set.  The smell alone brings me joy.  New books, just waiting for you to open them and discover the worlds inside.  I was so proud of owning it.  She also bought me A Bridge to Terabithia.  Again, my imagine took over and remember those woods I told you about?  I loved going in there, with my dog my Mother eventually got me, she was a shit-zu and "we", my Mother would never allow ME to name an animal, Ebony Jewels.  She was the perfect size for me, fit in my backpack, and the fun we would have in the woods with my imagination.  Our very own Terabithia or Narnia depending on my desire that day.  Like I said, I was alone a lot at a young age, my imagination was pretty much all I had.  Later mt siblings would tell me whenever we were altogether at a relative's home for the summer, etc. - it was no fun without me. 

Eventually I guess my Mother started having issues covering the bills so she got a roommate.  This was before I got Ebony.  Her name, I can't remember but her cocker spaniel was named Jamie.  My mother had great delight telling my Aunt that, and she would get aggravated when I would tell her about them because I get it - A dog did have her name.  I wish I could remember the young lady's name, but I adored her!!  She actually spent time with me, took me places in her cute little Volkswagen Bug, told me she loved me and how cute I was.  My Mother didn't do that.  She took over my room, and all of my shit was moved into the hallway closet.  That was my "room", and I slept with my Mother.  I would hang out in my "closet room" and write little stories.  I loved writing them.  My only issue was the ending.  Still is.  And when I would go out in the woods, I would make up stories out loud, me and Ebony.  I wouldn't change that for the world!  My Mother ended up kicking out her roommate because she got jealous of our relationship.  Great Mother eh?

I have continued to write here and there.  When I was staying with my grandfather one summer, while learning how to sign language (Thank you Sesame Street!!), I pretended I owned a daycare and wrote name after name that I liked or came up with for the "registry".  I also created amazing worlds in the front and backyards, and names and stories for all of my new "friends."  We had a tennis ball named Wilson, yes, I made Wilson cool before Tom Hanks lol, a dented-in ping pong ball (can't remember his name at the moment", a golf ball named Titelus, there was a Dun-Lop too but I forget which ball he was.  But you get the drift, I was a sucker for misfits.  I also had a button family that lived in a special drawer and would "cook up" a mean meal in the backyard out of those strange bean-like things on the trees along with whatever else I found out there.

Will I ever write a book?  I don't think so - But I do love blogging which is kind of the same however who knows where God will take us.

XOXO ~ Nicole 

Sad September

It is finally September, which is now a hard month for me. This month is one year since I was wrongfully terminated from my career at that time. If you have followed me for a while, you have seen my struggle and journey through depression, anxiety, highs and lows, I could go on and on.

I do have my life insurance license, finally (wasn't that a fiasco to get! lol), but it isn't something I want to do full time. More like a part-time thing. I did wake up with a heavy heart this morning thinking about where I was supposed to have been by now. I know God has a plan.

I know I haven't really talked a lot about what has happened here with losing my job, etc - but you can follow a bit along on latest posts.

XOXOXO ~ Nicole

Come Play With Me....

Zombie Apocalypse: How long would I survive a zombie apocalypse?  I am thinking a day, maybe more if Bryan is with me.

First Concert: Who was the first musical artist I ever saw live?  New Kids on the Block!!!

Time Travel: Would I rather visit the distant past or the far future?  Distant Past - we have lost so many family members too soon.

Emoji Usage: What is my most frequently used emoji?  😂 

Coffee or Tea: What is my ultimate caffeine fix of choice?   Dunkin's iced coffee with 2 shots of expresso.

Dream Job: What did I want to be when I was growing up?  A vet!  As you can tell I am a huge animal lover but two incidents left me a changed young lady.  Plus, I suck at math & science.

Rainy Day: Do I love a good thunderstorm or hate rainy weather?  A great thunderstorm as long as I am at home or work!

Board Games: Am I competitive or relaxed when playing games?  Competitive AF!

Reality TV: Would I ever agree to go on a reality show?  Yes, but it would depend on the theme.

Pet Type: Am I strictly a dog person, a cat person, or both?  Allllll animals except for snakes & spiders.

Your Turn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Salvatore Edward Anthony Vulcano

 Have you ever seen or heard of Impracticable Jokers?

My husband is a huge fan and turned me onto them.  We have been watching them since Claire was probably in high school.  I am not usually into those kinds of shows, but they crack me up!  Now occasionally they get to be a little too "boyish" but for the most part, I love it.

Sal is one of the guys on there.  If you haven't seen it or heard of it, it is a group of friends from high school, maybe even before and they "prank" each other.  Like I said, we have been watching it for some time however the other evening I dreamed about Sal.  I have a lot of dreams, they're like movies due to my Zoloft but I hadn't ever dreamed out him before.

I was back at my aunt's house who raised me from 10 on, that's home.  Sal was there and we were flirting etc.  I offered to make him a soda, but then I saw we had beer too, but he said no, we don't need alcohol to have fun.  In real life, I don't think he drinks to be honest.  But I offered him a Bud light, my fave of course and then said there is also Coors Light and some others.  So, I opened a can of soda, poured it into a glass over ice and since we were ya know, sweet on each other, I took some sips.  He looked at me like I was insane.  And then I remembered he is a germophobic.  I apologized and made him a fresh glass.

I came around the bar, he was facing towards it, and I snuggled and hugged his back, like I do Bryan's.  I call that flirting but with contact!  LOL Any who, then he kissed me.  Now I am not a facial hair person but wasn't bothered with that.  Then he puts his tongue in my mouth, it was like a bad handshake.  It just lay there like a dead slug.  I told Bryan about it the next morning, he thought it was hilarious and now when they come on, he is like there's your boy!!    I had to tell him though, it is more of a crush - I tried ya know, the other night - and he wasn't doing it.  Maybe if I ever meet him in person, I dunno, but goals!!!

Ok, after posting this photo - I have second thoughts lolol!  RRaaaooorrr!!!!

PS.  I may or may not have emailed for a signed picture autograph.  😉 

Claire's New Baby Blanket - Coming Soon!

 Do you blog?  Or maybe you journal?  Either way, do you ever have those days where you have sooo much to say, and then others you are just not "feeling it"?  That is totally me.  Today I feel like I have a lot to chat about.  Sorry, not sorry?  LOL.

Claire's Baby Blanket ~  For baby Grayson, I am having a special blanket made for him & Momma.  I asked her if she wanted me to bring her "B" to her, which is her baby blanket she said no which made me sad.  She said - you can keep it.  But then I had a great idea!  Take her blanket, Bryan's, and this blanket I have with Disney characters on it and have a good friend of mine merge them somehow.  I have not told Claire the plan, other than I have Ms. Cindy (Claire knows her too) making Grayson a special blanket.  It took me a few days to work up the courage to ask Bryan because it is HIS baby blanket (it's more like a sheet to be honest) but I get it.  I no longer have mine due to my ex-husband.

Funny thing is Claire mentions to me how she asked Kevin about his baby blanket; it is a Spiderman one, and if he was going to give to Grayson.  She said he looked at he like she was insane and then said, he is gonna have to earn that!!  You bet your bottom dollar I made sure to tell Bryan that to "buffer" the situation.  He was down for it though.  I can't wait to show you guys!!!!!

Coupon Princess 👸

 Now, most people say coupon queen, however when I hear the word Queen, I think of old ladies.  That ain't me.  So, behold, The Couponing Princess Petunia Pink!!  ♥ ❇ 

I almost forgot!  While I was couponing at DG, I went to grab the Gain and tell me why this person's fake nail popped out on me, hit me in the shirt, and fell on the ground.  WTH!?!?

XOXO ~ Nicole

Nom Nom Nom

  Chicken Feet, Chicken Paws 🐾  ~  I don't know if I posted about this yet but to help with the groceries, a dear friend of ours takes us and treats us once a month to groceries.  Last time we were there, I saw chicken feet.  We all know we have seen them.  I myself can't bring myself to try them, but to each their own.  Some people thing crawfish are disgusting, but I am over here shouting "Team Head"!! 

 I happened to glance over at them again since we are getting more familiar with the store and see the chicken feet.  But y'all, they done renamed them to Chicken Paws because come on, who doesn't want to take a bite of a paw instead of a foot!?!

She Gets Me.....

 I don't have a lot of friends.  I have always been the type that had one bestie, and I was good with that.  Still am.  Christine is a new friend I made a while ago that lives on our street down in the Cul de sac.  Which is totally awesome because we can literally walk to each other's house and don't have to worry about drinking and driving.  Plus, she has a baby, so I get to play when I go over there with her.  She is ADORABLE!

Any who, if you do not have a friend like this, get one.  Example below.

Witch, Witch, You're a Witch....

 Today I had a friend reach back out to me after asking if she would promote my blog on her YouTube Channel.  She loved the blog but decided that my business card was against her religion.  And that is fine, to each their own however I believe in God, but I also believe in tarot cards, crystals, Ouija boards, and making wishes @ 11:11.  That is just who I am.

It's funny because my Mother is the one who originally turned me onto the tarot cards.  I remember one night that she went into the closet and brought out this pretty velvety bag.  It had these cards in them that were very interesting to me.  I couldn't have been older than 9 maybe 10.  I do not remember anything about the actual reading, but I did feel bonded with my Mom which was hard then.  If you didn't have a penis and $$, she didn't seem to have the time.  Everything else just fell into place over the years as far as Ouija, etc.

I am super excited to learn myself how to read tarot cards.  I have a teacher, but we will just keep her in my back pocket.  And if you have read my blog, hell no is it my Mother.  But all of that will come in time.
PS.  Please tell me you know what movie this title came from.

PSS.  Currently watching Weapons!

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On behalf of dearly departed Dolly, Bryan made her "Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa" Cake - famously known from Steel Magnolias.  I tried to post the link, but I am still electronically challenged it seems.  Not that I thought I wasn't.  LOL.

Bryan's Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa Cake:

~~~>>>   Dolly's Recipe

Bacon, Mormons, & Other Emergencies

 Today was food pantry day!  If you recall, after I lost my job and unemployment ran out, well, even before the unemployment ran out, we started to have to go to the food pantry.  To say it was humbling is putting it lightly.  I felt like a failure.  I couldn't take care of my own family financially.  We were approved to come once a month and were able to receive help for the electric bill.

I don't mind going now, in fact, I feel blessed that we have it.  We all know how expensive everything is now, even groceries!!!  I have made "friends" that work there and I look forward to seeing them.  Today was no different, but I was surprised to see so few people in there.  When I walked in, there was this awful noise going on.  Of course, our luck, they were testing the fire alarms.  We checked in, took our seats, and I noticed this young girl that was volunteering wheel out a cart full of stuff.   

The first thing I noticed was the sign taped to it that read "Please only take 3 per person".  Before she even finished, this lady gets up and grabs a container of detergent for laundry and then sits back down.  The worker goes back to setting it all up and then goes back thru the employees only door.  The sign is clearly visible.  I hadn't moved, but then one of my "friends" that work there, told me to head on over.  I grabbed 3 items, and still that one lady from earlier was grabbing things.  I am talking she must have went to her car at least 4 times!!  There were a few other greedy folks up in there but then come this older couple.  The wife alone took like 10 toothbrushes!!!

As you can tell, I was so irritated.  I felt like the "Pantry Police 🚨.  Bryan of course could care less.  Like I mentioned, we have been going a long time now, so I recognize most of the volunteers.  I saw these two young gentlemen with name badges on their shirts.  I go back to wishing I had a whistle for these scavengers at that cart, when Bryan's phone rings.  I don't know why, but he answers it on speaker phone.  I hear Claire's voice.

"Dad, I need your help"

"Ok hang on honey, I'm"

"No Dad, it's an emergency!"

"Ok we are the food pantry, give me a minute to get outside!"

Bryan comes back inside and sits down next to me.  I am all is everything ok???  He starts to tell me, and I am all, that's an emergency??  He said to her it was.  lol Ya'll, she called because she made bacon and then made the eggs in the grease and her man freaked out saying it was "raw".  Pregnant ladies have their priorities, I guess.  Next, here come the young fellas with those badges on.  They introduce themselves, I am trying to read the badge, and then I hear him refer to himself as Elder Such & Such.  And they were young!!  They took forever but our groceries were amazing choices!!  We left and our driving home and I asked Bryan, are those the Mormons?  He said that it said LDS.  Ok, so like Mormons right?  Like the ones with multiple wives and do free work at your home?  Don't judge, I saw it on a tv show once.  He said yup!  I said dammit, we missed out!!!

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Today I got a late start since we had the food pantry but right now, watching The Other Sister.  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it.  <3

Loving The "Dark" Side

 I keep forgetting to post this!!

Ok, if you do not already know from most of my pins etc. where I advertise my blog, I am all into Horoscopes, Crystals, Sage, Tarot Cars (learning how to do that soon!!!!), Wicca, and so on.  Yes, I believe In God, but I also believe - If you truly believe in something unless you're trying to go all Manson or 50 child brides on me, there is nothing wrong with it.

I posted a long time ago how Bryan and I met.  How he was my waiter, yes, and he did go with me and the bestie to the hot tub that night.  And then we started dating but I never saw that man at night because he was into drinking, drugs, his friends and was used to being Single as a Pringle.  

During our courtship, my BFF and I happened upon a Wiccan store.  You bet your bottom dollar I bought me a book.   And yes, Bryan knows all about it.  My BFF and I happened across a "spell" to set an extra plate at the table that evening when we went to eat at the restaurant Bryan worked at.  Had to put food and everything on it.  We looked nuts I am sure, but I still love the fact that her and I both believe it worked.  We may have ended up splitting up for quite some time, but he has told me he never dated or had sex with anyone else.  He loves me!!!  He is one of those kinds of guys that didn't sleep around, just had real relationships which I think is SOOO damn cute.

Random Goodies

 Please tell me why men get such a bad attitude when it comes to things that frustrate them.  Hang in there with me.

I work from home, so Claire's room was turned into my home office.  I love it.  I can sit and look around the room, which is still purple from her choice, and reminisce with her pictures and decorations.  Bryan has done very well with getting it set up with everything I need to work, and there is a TV so I can put old movies on I have seen a million times.  Currently I have The First Wives Club on.  Great "chick-flick" as my husband says.  It kills him because I have movies on allll day but then when I go to the living room ask him if he would like to watch a movie.  He is all really???  But I like movies and I am referring to new ones that I haven't seen.  The office is right next to the garage, and it gets hot as hell up in here so fan must be on!  I turned the light on and one of the bulbs went out.  I begrudgingly went to go tell the "maintenance man" AKA Bryan.  Sometimes, if it is something he is CHOOSING to do, he is a happy little worker.  Otherwise, I usually get the "damn y'all are hard on shit" comment.

So, he goes and gets the step ladder, removes the dish thingy that protects the bulbs, screws, blah blah.  Then he starts struggling to put it all back together.  Here come the curse words.  I offered my help to which he refused and then it was my fault that I wasn't helping.  We finally got it all back together and Momma can see again.  As for the maintenance man, I told his ass I was going to report him to HR.  ;)

***Update, I have to yank the damn chain to get it to even move to a different speed.  Thank God it finally went to high and that bitch just going to stay there.

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While I have you guys, I got a question.  I love couponing and am really good at it.  Let's just say we will not be running out of soap, deodorant, body wash, paper towels, or toilet paper for quite a bit.  I don't care who you are, not worrying about running out of toilet paper is a great feeling.  Before money was an issue, we always purchased the same brand.  But couponing, you get the deals!!    We have had Walmart brand, Kroger, Walgreens, you get the picture.  Then there are the more expensive brands, right?  I do not have any complaints about any except Cottonelle.  It is soft to the touch, has those cute ripples, even my aunt only uses them.  So, tell me why every time we get it, forgive me if I am wrong, but aren't those ripples supposed to keep you "clean"?  What am I missing here?  Because it never fails, when I use it after going #2, there are some serious pieces left behind.  Yesterday, what looked like a tiny roll of wadded up toilet paper, just fell out my butt!!!  What am I doing wrong?

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I know these are kind of random posts so bear with me.  Movie wise we are now on the Flashdance.  If you are a lady, shame on you if you haven't seen it and are old enough.  LOL

Can you believe Dolly Parton died?  Well, I mean kind of since she was 80 but I just saw Tim Curry died as well!!  I think I am more upset about that one.  I love The Rocky Horror Picture show - my dad blessed me with that shiny nugget when I was just a kid.  I remember him telling me how they used to get dressed up, go to the movies, and they would bring props etc.  How cool is that?  Now with my anxiety, I don't even go to the movies but still.  What awesome memories!!!

PS.  I know I STILL owe you guys some part twos.  They will come, I promise.  Oh, like if you build it, they will come.  <3

PSS. On to Indecent Proposal!! PSS.S... 😂 I sounds like a snnaakkkeee, a slithery slithery snake 🐍.

Watching Indecent Proposal as an adult and with money issues!!  I would do it.  I will ask Bryan his opinion when he wakes from his nap.  What say you?  And come one, Robert Reford looks old in the movie but handsome!  Oh, and a waterbed to boot!!!

Bryan said only if I wanted to.  -_-

XOXO ~ Nicole

And Today in New Pregnancy Things..🌟

 I am sure there will be more, but I am loving the new texts from Claire while pregnant.  

Not Thriving, Not Dying......Just Vibing

I hope everyone is having a "Tubular" Tuesday!!  If you do not know that term, you're not old enough.  LOL.

I know I owe you guys some part two posts, and I will get there.  Just been a bit frazzled.  I am not sure that is quite the word I am looking for, but after everything with my sister's phone call, I just cried.  A BIG ass crying baby!!!  I went to visit a friend last night and it looked like I was exhausted and beat up from all the puffiness.  And I felt worse because as soon as I walked in her front door, I word vomited all over her.  But sometimes, that is what you need.  Especially because Bryan gets upset when I cry.  He means well, but I can't help but cry sometimes when I get overwhelmed, sick, or my heart has been broken somehow.  That bitch got a LOT of duct tape on it.  After speaking with my aunt and then my dad, I feel much better about it.  My sister is too much like my mom.  And words hurt.  Also, I think her heart be like the Grinch at times.  But like I mentioned prior, we were all raised differently.  I wear my heart on my sleeve unfortunately.

And I am still currently "unemployed".  As I mentioned selling life insurance is hard work.  So, family members have been helping us with money for bills, we go to the food pantry, my dad is going to restock our deer meat when he comes on the 4th, and my old boss takes us once a month to Costco.  It is funny, as a kid I hated meat and would rather die, even in my 30's before I would eat deer.  Look at me now!! lol Honestly, I love using it instead of ground beef, less fattening.  I guess what I am trying to say is we are definitely having a hard time right now.  But we have a roof over our head, utilities, my car is now paid off!!!!, and we have each other.  Until next time.....

XOXO ~ Nicole

 

Just a funny for the day....

 

Scars Tell a Story

 Last night I had a conversation with my sister.  I am the oldest and she is the youngest.  Then there is my brother in the middle.  She is in the military and works out there in the La Porte TX area making good money with the oil & gas or something like that.  All I know is when I was a kid, my dad was a mill writer and when I told the other kids that, they were all like a what?  Same here kids.  At that age all I could say was when he comes home, his work outfit stands up on its own, smells, and my mom has to wash it separately.  As I got older, all I know is he said I keep the lights on baby.  So, I assume my sister does the same thing.

I started off via text, because that is all she does.  Talk to text or text.  I usually don't care but what started off as an innocent conversation got muddy.  I can't blame her.  A lot of shit happened in our family when we were children that shouldn't have happened.  I spent many years doing the same thing.  I would drink, get drunk, and reminisce which always led to me crying.   She brought up old memories, ones I had buried pretty successfully, opened new ones, it took a lot, but I did not cry and I did not go to bed with it heavy on my mind.  Scars are scars, they tell a story.  But I do not want to open new cuts, new sores, new things to fester about.  We all three were raised very differently, when we were younger, we were "brother and sister" but after some time, still as children, we were in different homes.  Experiencing different things.  Being taught different things. At some point we all had awful things done to us.

We all struggle in some way or another, but as I was saying, I have worked very hard to get past all of that.  Gonna have to do a part two folks - I have cried twice now.  Ugh.  Not so much the subject although I felt bad talking to my aunt about it.  And then Claire shocked me with a text that caught me off guard.  Everything is fine with her, the baby, etc. - So To B continued...........  😢 

XOXO ~ Nicole

We Have a Name!!

 I know I mentioned when I started blogging again how Claire is now pregnant.  They finally made a choice for the name!!!!  Grayson Hayes!!!!!!!!!!!!  I love it so much and can't wait to meet him!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

You Don't Have to Go Home But.....

 Oh, my goodness, I almost forgot to tell you guys.  Remember when I posted the other day about the kitties being disgruntled, I thought with their rude customer service "post"?

So, Bryan makes sure there is always food and water in the front and back.  Don't think he started doing this.  I did!  LOL And he complained and complained and now look at him.  We have a routine, and as it starts to get dark, he calls our cat inside (Lucille) if she happens to be out there.  She is one we got TNR'd and never left.  Currently we have Billy Jean who I feel won't be far along because he adores ME!!!  All the cats, we call Bryan the cat whisperer, gravitate to him.  But Billy Jean, he loves ME!!  lol

Bryan goes outside, calls Lucille if she is out, then hollers last call y'all, like at a bar!!!!!!!!!!!!  And they all come running to eat knowing he is about to put it up for the night.  Not the water obs.  Otherwise, them possums make themselves quite at a home.  That's a face there that only a mother can love.

🙀 🙀 🙀 ~ Nicole