I feel like I have so much going on right now. I don't, but it seems like it. I guess it is more emotional than anything. I have one position left still being reviewed that I applied to for a worm from home job that pays salary AND commission. I know, a Unicorn for sure!!! Claire has been helping us along with other friends and family members, but we are at the point now where Claire needs to use her funds elsewhere and family/friends are spent. I am hanging on to that positive response from that company. Not sure what will happen after that yet, but as they say, one day at a time.
It does mess with my head a bit. Zoloft thus far has continued to be a hero, but I have found myself sleeping more than normal in the last few days. But I would much prefer that over that damn insomnia! And continue to take my "old lady" pills before bed, magnesium, black cohosh (ladies if you are going through this peri-menopause thang or menopause, you want to know about these.), potassium, and Zinc if I am feeling an illness coming on possibly. I take a few others in the morning but those are my blood pressure and Zoloft. Oh, and sometimes Vitamin D! It is hard to get milk around this bitch with Taylor. But I do try to get out in the sun as much as possible however the Sun these days? I think The Devil himself set that up. But I try to knock out all the badness and negative comments that tell me I suck, you are a loser, you would be better off not here - I am able to get past those and snuggle back down and sleep. In my safe, pink, comfy, squishy, vanilla scented bed.
And then my brother. I don't think I have spoken much about him in a long time, but he has struggled for a while with drugs and alcohol and then his young daughter was taken from him. He is in a much better place now, mind and location, and I am super proud of him. We have been in contact since he decided to get clean. Our Mother on the other hand is hell bent to try and get to him and especially take his daughter. She is safe and sound in another state with her maternal grandmother and thriving. If you have read my blog for some time, my Mother is not a good person. It would be like picking this beautiful fruit and then you bite into it, and it is rotten to the core. With bugs and mold too. Since she doesn't know where he is and no one will share the information, she has decided to file a missing person's report for him. And she decided to name myself and Dad as people of interest. How do I do know this? My Dad told me and showed the emails. My brother is working on filing a restraining against her which I fully support. He will not get better with her in his ear.
I am trying my best to be there for my brother. I am proud of his accomplishments, and I do believe he will succeed. I just don't want to have to speak, email, any communication from Mother. When she passes away, it is going to be a sad day for her because not one of her 3 children will be there or care.
Please keep me in your prayers for this new job and Momma making some money!!! 💵 💵
XOXO ~ Nicole
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