Do You Know What......... NSFW - RATED -R!!

Hey y'all, it's me again.  I just wanted to write this separately and not with the Halloween stuff.  So last night I said I went to bed, well fell asleep around midnight kind of - well it was even more perturbing because I used one of my "friends" before it was time to go to sleep, and usually after having an orgasm a few times, I just pass out.  And it was a great session!!  Like, one of the bests I have had in like forever because I was able to quiet my mind, focus on the Sound Baths I put on (which I highly recommend for pleasuring yourself as well as tarot reading or just a good 'ole soul cleansing) and just relax.  Relaxing is hard for me.  For one, my mind seems to be constantly thinking so I try to focus on the "Music" but sometimes it is hard.  I am really bad about tensing up and trying to force it which is no bueno.  You might get off, but you feel like you worked for it so hard, was it worth it?

A long time ago, you can find it in the blog, I hosted a party for sex toys, etc.  I myself was not familiar with them at all.  I had always heard about the Rabbit, so of course I went for something like that, but it was the whole shaft shall we say?  I remember it had these pearl looking beads that rotated around towards the bottom of it.  It was pretty, and of course it was pink, but not sure what those were supposed to do.  Different speeds, all that jazz but my issue was you're basically trying to shove a whole "penis" in your vagina and I am sorry but, that was not a turn on.  My favorite was the bathtub.  I think I saw it on a movie once, tried it, and that was eye-opening!  Then we got one of those fancy shower heads that was removable, OMG.  Did Bryan know?  No.  I was always taught men need to think they are "KING" when it comes to sex lol.  But the big thing for me also was I learned I was a squirter.  If you do not know what that is ladies, it means when you have an orgasm, it's very wet.  Gets messy like put a towel down or maybe two just in case.  Some men think it is hot, some don't.  I have always been self-conscious about it since finding out it could happen when I got older and Bryan was as he calls "finger-banging" me.  Later on in our marriage I asked his thoughts, he said he doesn't mind it, but it is messy.  LOL. 

And like I said earlier, realizing I could do it in the shower or tub, way better and cleaner and I didn't have to be embarrassed of it.  But the thing was, that hardly ever happened with the rabbit.  I didn't really care for the whole penis inside; it was what was happening to my clitoris.  I didn't realize that is what felt so good until, I bought a vibrator that was literally just a stimulant for it.  I now own one that is comparable to I think they call it the bullet, but it is completely chargeable via a phone charger!!!!!!!!!! and then one that stimulates and sucks!!!!!! your clit.  Now that one, you definitely need to make sure you're in the mood cause sometimes it feels like it is going to suck but a lip or two if you don't have it positioned just right.  I also highly recommend darkness, fans pointed on you, and make sure you either sprayed down your bedding with your favorite scent or at least have a candle going.

Last night, it had been a while since I had that many orgasms because like I mentioned earlier, I get stuck in my head not to make a mess and squirt, but Jesus was it worth it.

So, if you are anything like me and need suggestions before you take 20 plus years to figure out YOU - Ask me!

PS.  Someone just messaged me - yes, both get warm as well.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Happy Halloween 2026!!

 Happy Halloween!!!  It is finally here!  I am SO excited!  Now the sucky part is, I didn't sleep well last night.  I have no idea why not.  I am excited for Halloween but not THAT excited.  Went to "sleep" at almost midnight, and each time I would start to doze off, my mind would startle me awake.  What I mean by that is I used to have issues sleeping, I would start to feel like I was suffocating, and my mind would race and tell me to get up, get moving.  I would pace and pace the house or outside or sit out in the Livingroom watching tv with Bryan.  Poor guy.  But after getting on Celexa and then Zoloft, especially the Zoloft, I stopped feeling that way.  With the Zoloft, when I kind of start to feel that way, another part of the brain (I refer to as the Zoloft part) tells me everything is fine, relax, don't be dumb, go to sleep and it works.  But last night, I would start to doze off and then my brain would startle me awake.  Over every little noise, sound, EVERYTHING.  I don't normally sleep that poorly unless I have Oliva with me, although she is getting better.  I felt like I finally fell asleep around 4 am and then when I woke up at like 8 am, I texted Bryan and told him I was going to try and go back to sleep.  I did off and on, till almost 11 and then wanted to get up.

We are going to be "hosting" a little get-together in our garage.  Gonna hand out goodies for the kiddos, and Christine and the baby are coming down with CHEESE DIP!!!  Yes, you know I requested that again!  LOL.  We invited our Cuban neighbors but haven't heard back yet.  I am sure we will either later or they will just pop by.  Bryan is grilling ribs, making his famous cowboy beans, I'm not sure about the other sides yet.  If the Cubans come, I am sure they will bring things as well which is always a 50/50.  Sometimes, especially their proteins, are tasty but other things, not so much.  They get confused on the holidays so that is why I say they will probably show up.  And they finally invested in some Vodka instead of all of their dark liquors so YAY!  We are not dressing up since we did last weekend, and we are just gonna chill in the garage.  I am excited and a little nervous because we don't normally have people over, especially littles and I worry about all of our animals and crap on the floor.  Not literally, but you never know.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Vashti Gifts

 Vashti, I have written about her and her mom and their meaningful relationship to me as a child, teen, and then early 20's.  Anne, her mom, mentioned about sending me her old Barbies and asked me a few months ago about these little angels that Vashti had collected, if I would like them?  Well of course I said yes - Having anything of Vashti's in my home would be a blessing.  To get the Care Bears as well, that was just icing on the cake.  I immediately wanted to take them out and play with them, but I didn't.  Thank you, Anne, AKA Mom!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

"Cloud Couch"?

 I was just facetiming with Claire, my daughter, so I could see their new place out there in Kansas. I noticed her fiancé trying to open a vacuum sealed package. I asked Claire what it was and she said their couch! Somehow, this thing is supposed to pop out of there and become a couch. I can't wait to see this.....

The below is what I imagine lol.

Like Mother Like Daughter, Kinda.

Have you ever seen the movie The Indecent Proposal?  I believe I have asked this question before when I was posting about the movies, I watched that day.  But we have some newbies so if you haven't, a married couple down on their luck money-wise are offered a proposal from another man to sleep with the wife.  Bryan said he wouldn't do it, but I would.  I love my husband and the idea of having sex with another man is not on my top 5 for sure, but if it meant we were set for life, sign me up and consider me yours till it's done!  I can't lie; I have done my fair share of things sexually for money back in the day.  Only with actual boyfriends, but I have.  Not sex though.  What can I say, my Mother taught me well......

My Mother was all about her looks, and yes, she was beautiful and an amazing body, but inside she has a black heart.  It's all about her.  In my opinion, she should have never had children because she is too selfish.  Us 3 kids had savings accounts our parents helped us set up.  We were young but would save our coins etc. and my dad would match it.  When she left my dad, she drained all 3 accounts.  She taught me at a young age men would do or give just about anything when you are beautiful and sexy.  Yes, I know, this is not a good thing but that was not how I raised by her.  I remember one time when I was living with Anne and Vashti when I was around 20, that is when I met Bryan and Drew.  Feel free to search in my previous posts to refresh yourselves or learn.  Anne actually called my Mother to complain about me receiving constant gifts from the boys.  I am not sure if they were just jealous or what, but them my Mother chose to belittle me about it.  I remember thinking, I am doing what you taught me, but I would never argue with her for fear of getting slapped or who knows what else.

Now, have I used sex with Bryan when he is in a bad mood - Hell Yeah, I have and he knows it.  I used to be hot AF, then I got older, a desk job, discovered beer, ya know but no matter what, Bryan has always been attracted me.  It helps that we "grew" together because I had an old work friend and she got fat and he didn't and lost interest in her which is sad.  We both lost a lot of weight, which makes me feel more attractive although I weighed a few days ago and asked Bryan if the scale was broken because damn, that shit sneaks up on you like "Mr. Deeds".  I had gotten down to 174 while Doordashing, but since trying to find a career that I really wanted, which means sitting at my computer all day in the home office, and drinking, well my ass is up now to 200.  At my heaviest I was 240 but the last time I weighed I think I was 290 and then apparently didn't step back on that bitch for like a month.  What does this mean?  Well, it makes me not feel so confident especially with Bryan now.  I know I saw his ass looking at my stomach yesterday.  Which makes me not want to be really sexually active because I don't feel like the sexy bitch I normally do.  I know I am still sexy with curves and all, but it makes me proud to have lost that weight.  Which means I need that new job pronto, so I don't drink as much and I need to get more active for sure!!  In the meantime, I will channer my inner Anna-Nicole so I can be the bad-ass bitch I know I am.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Be Kind!

This morning the hubs and I ran to our Kroger to grab a few things. There was a young gentleman by the front doors, and he asked us if we had any change so he could get something to eat from one of the fast-food places around. I don't know about y'all, but we never have cash. Bryan nor I are really in the place financially to help but I went ahead and got 3 bucks out for him as cash back. Bryan asked me what for and I told him. We have been blessed over and over in many ways, and I am a full believer in paying it forward. So, if you get a chance today to bless someone, pay it forward.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Twilight's First Halloween 🦇

 Happy Almost Halloween Twilight!!!  We love you!

XOXO ~ Momma

First Halloween Party In Forever!

 What a time we had!!!  OMG, I am so glad we went to that Halloween party.  I don't do well with crowds, small talk, and even though I knew most of the people attending (I thought, there was one new person) I still got super anxious on our way over (walking of course since she is in the cul-de-sac) and wanted to go home.  But Bryan to the rescue, and even better when we walked in, it was just Christine and the baby.  We still call her a baby, but she is walking pretty well now, but she isn't even 2 yet.  Bryan made a red velvet cake with white icing to bring.  It was supposed to be a mummy, and he even made eyes out of cookies but then decided to cover it in fruity pebbles.  It was cute, but then you totally lost the mummy vibe and couldn't even see his eyes and he had no mouth.  But the folks loved it and gobbled it up!!!  She had let us know she would have snack-foods, but not actual meals which was fine with us.  I don't do sweets, so I stayed away from all of those, but she did have cheese dip! and salsa with the scoop tortillas chips.  That is definitely up my alley.  A little later she brought out these mummies that were like a jalapeno popper with the crescent dough wrapped, it was cute, but I am not sure what all was in there.  It kind of fell flat.  Like no bacon or sausage, just I think the jalapeno scraped out so it was like skin, and then maybe cream cheese?  My man always has my back though so when I made my plate, just a small one, he told me everything was hot, so I sat like a good girl and not burn my damn mouth which I am so known for.

Like I said, I was happy it was just Christine and the baby because then my nerves disappeared.  Then, a car pulls up that I wasn't familiar with and Christine says oh, Kay is here!  Now Kay is her soon to be ex and there is a lot going on there including Kay's family coming and they aren't speaking with Kay due to all of this.  Plus, I always found Kay hard to bond with and Christine knew.  She made me feel like I was on an interview.  When they were together, Kay was normally working so it was usually just Christine, I, and Baby.  She came in, Bryan and I did our best to act normal, and I could tell Baby was hesitant.  She was way more interested in what Christine was doing.  Kay's parents show up, and y'all it was like you could cut the air with a knife!!!  We ended up outside for a bit, we vape and outside was also Kay (alone).  But the weather is beautiful, so we go out there anyway.  I do my best to strike up a conversation, talking about things I know she likes etc. and thanks to alcohol, it wasn't too bad.  She spent most of her time with her face in her phone and pacing so, fun!  I do care though so I did the best I could to keep the conversation going.  We ended up all outside, her backyard is big and fantastic, swing set as well for the littles, by all I mean us, Kay's parents, Christine occasionally would come out (she is definitely a hostess with the mostess and barely gets to rest), one of the "boys" is what we call them because they have similar names and we see them so infrequently, we forget and the rest were still inside which we knew them except for one girl that came.  One of the brothers' said she was Christine's oldest friend which was nice.  She smoked cigarettes though and that was gross, especially when she would put them out in a paper plate.  Gross.  I wanted to throw up.  But luckily, she spent most of the evening inside with the littles and a few others.  Kay had left earlier because she said her stomach was bothering her.

I got to try the first cocktail!  I was down until she said tequila but agreed when it was the clear kind because I heard that was more expensive and not so throwy-uppy.  She mixed it in a sugar free juice with papaya and some other fruits which made the juice smell like thro-up which kinda sucked.  But you got used to it with and it covered the "tequila" smell.  I knew I needed more than Bud-Lite for this crowd.  Kay's rents, well they are definitely a show.  She is like a HOA queen and sounds like real estate as well, and he seems to do real estate as well.  She can definitely polish off some wine.  And wooooohoooo does she know everything!  You know the type.  She finally went inside and then just the Dad was there.  He is a pretty funny guy but then he started talking numbers and blah blah blah, and I was getting tired, so I wandered into the house to get my grub on.  Bryan said he mouthed thank you sarcastically when I left him, but I didn't see him.  I beelined for a few leftover mummies, figured at least the bread will give me some sustenance and then there is the cheese dip.  With the scoop chips don't forget!  She had made the cheese dip in like a homemade double boiler, and she would keep it warmed in the tiniest crockpot I have ever seen.  It was like the size of my hand.  So, my ass proceeds to grab like 3 scoops, because for some reason I can't eat just one chip with dip, and scoop that cheese out of Tinkerbell's crockpot!  Not only did I stab under my tongue with one of the chips but burnt the fuck out of my mouth.

We finally get home an hour later because Christine had wanted to show us the moon on her new telescope, but she struggled until her friend helped.  I told Bryan who is a big fan of the movie Can't Buy Me Love" to get his ass over there.  If you haven't seen the movie, I'm sorry.  We did finally see it, but when you finally get your eye aligned after basically busting both knees and possibly your back out, it is so bright, it was like being at the doctor's when they shine that bright ass light in your eyes.  Yesterday I was definitely feeling sluggish, mostly because Olivia's fat sassy self, decided she wanted to sleep with me that night and that is like sleeping with a furry heater that doesn't allow me to move freely.  And sometimes scratches you!  The funny thing is when we got home from the party, Bryan tells me do you realize I didn't have one drink the entire time we were there (since he doesn't drink alcohol).  I was like, well who's fault is that dumbass?  He died laughing.

XOXO ~ Stay Cool My Ghouls!! ~ Nicole

"Do You See Dead People?"

It's almost Halloween y'all!!!!!  We still have about a week until the actual date, but today we are going to a Halloween party down in our cul-de-sac at our friend's Christine & Ellie.  It's a kids' party but there will also be adults.  And alcoholic beverages are allowed!  Otherwise, I would be in and out, them kids give me a headache after a bit.  We are going to walk down when it starts to get dark per her request and Bryan made a cake!  I am going as Ace Venture: Pet Detective where he dresses up for the mental hospital, tutu and all.  Bryan was supposed to a retired man that plays golf all the time, but then he went to a referee, and now has landed on a fly fisher because he has the whole get up.  He used to do it when he lived in Georgia, but I always thought it was a Halloween costume for the longest time, till he told me.  I had to just walk away with him changing his damn mind, it was annoying me.

Which leads me to my conversation with my aunt.  She knows I adore horror movies, Halloween, etc. and she recently had to have a back molar removed.  They tried to do a root canal, then she had to go to a specialist, yadda yadda yadda.  When she was up for talking on the phone, she proceeded to tell me that her bone graft was from cadaver bones.  Come on you guys, you know me ~ I thought it was cool as shit.  I told her I couldn't wait for Halloween to see if she saw or heard the dead people!  She wasn't impressed.  Earlier, we texted and I had to share because if you knew my aunt, she can be one mean bitch when she wants to, but she loves me.  LOL.

XOXO ~ Nicole

My Husband, My Best Friend.

 It's the little things that mean the most.  Sweet surprises from Bryan Aruthur.  <3

Burnt!?!? I think not......

 I have posted before about my husband's cooking.  He has always been an amazing chef, he used to work in a restaurant kitchen when we first met.  He was my water, but he would pick up extra shifts in the kitchen.  When he drank, it was a 50/50 thing.  The food would either be amazing, or raw/burnt, fell on the floor, you never knew. He is still an amazing chef but since he doesn't drink anymore, it is always on point.  He smoked a pork shoulder yesterday.  If you know about barbequing and smoking, you want that bark on there when you smoke your meat.  I used to think it was gross, looked burnt, but it is like meat candy.  It is the outside of the pork, the fat basically, that he has scored and then during the smoking process, it turns into deliciousness.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Ew - No! **And then some**

 Bryan:  Babe, there is doodoo behind the couch.

Me:  Oh no!  Is it Loretta or Twilight?

Bryan:  It's diarrhea.

Me:  Oh no, is it Lou or Twilight?

Bryan:  I don't know, come look.

~Yeah, sure buddy, I am all over that. ~  Men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yall know sometimes I like to ramble.  The past few days I have wanted to write, like my kind of writing, and I wouldn't say I have been having writers block, but sometimes it seems almost like a chore so then I just don't.  I love writing and do not want to turn it into that.  

I got that career!  I am not even sure if I have written about it yet but so going to paste a copy of what I posted on ND.

******

I know a lot of my friends on here have reached out to me asking for updates about the job hunt and my last assessment I passed and was waiting for her to get back to me to schedule the next steps. She did email me yesterday but, I had to let her know I would not be able to continue with the hiring process. Why? Well, I landed me a new career!!! I will be starting a company's new customer service/freight department, which is what I did for one of my last two companies! And it is salary based! I am so excited. The drive, ew, but I will have my own office again and get to be on the ground floor of something about to be big! Just like my first two careers!!! I am not supposed to be talking about it yet until they announce it, but I wanted to at least let you all know! You guys have been amazing and remember, God has his own time.******

So, my hire date was supposed to be 11/1. Which I thought perfect, I can finish October out which we all know I love and start our new chapter. But they are in the middle of a merger which is why they need me. Their franchise is booming but then he reached out and said he would possibly not be able to hire me until the first of the year! Which sucks. However, I think maybe God has a plan because I am supposed to go to Kansas for Claire's baby being born around the 24th. Booked the rental car yesterday thank goodness from Bryan's parents. I had planned on going anyway and work from her home since he said eventually, he wouldn't have an issue with me working remotely some. I know that's a big difference, but God has a plan. That's all I have to say about that for now.

**************Look away - caution - R-Rated**************

So, ever since Bryan had his heart attack, eating right, exercising, his penis went back to the original size. Now I know this sounds odd, but I would not have married a man that didn't satisfy me and then we got heavier, drinking, and just in poor health, it was NOT the same. Eventually it got to where I didn't even want to have sex with him because I disliked him so much. Fast forward, he has muscles like he used to in his chest and arms, his face reminds me so much of him when he was younger, and those eyes! I also got heavy and uncomfortable with myself, so I wouldn't be as exotic as I used to be. But now, I am a sexy bitch and you put some Sade on, watch out. For the second time now, he rocked my world last night. He was all no I am not interested and then you whip out a tittie or two, the game was on. I love how me makes me feel, so sexy. And he puts his head and hand on my tummy, I don't feel all self-conscious about it, he looks me in the eyes. Yum. I could go on and on but, I slept very well last night. Him and the cooler weather.

This morning when I woke up, I told him, I slept great last night! He said "Damn right you did, dick so deep, put your ass to sleep" and I died laughing. I was referring to the coldness in the house but I aint gonna lie - that helped too.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cocoon Part Dos

 Yes, I know I said I was going to do part 2 yesterday but the day got away from me.  Sorry!!!

Ok, we left off where I started getting anxious and Bryan grabbed my hand, and in we walked.  Now the lady who had invited me, Debra, said they would be on the left side of the bar.  Why did I think the actual bar?  I don't know but that is where I prefer to sit.  But no, it was some tables that have been pulled together and luckily Debra waved and said hello Nicole, because like I told Bryan, I don't really know what these people look like etc.  Now I knew she was older, but you guys, the whole table was full of people in their 60's-70's.  Not a one drinking alcohol, and mainly just there for lunch and conversations.  Which is awesome!  Just, not what I thought I was getting into.  There were 2 empty seats towards the end of the table so Bryan sat at the end so he could try and hear folks, he did put in his hearing aids but later he told me it was so loud in there, he couldn't hear much of anything as far as conversation goes.  To my left was a lady who never stopped talking.  Thank God for my Bud lite and shot I finally ordered.  Turned out she taught Spanish which I took two years of Spanish 1 and still wouldn't say I can speak or understand it, but I do alright.  Our janitor at Ledge was Cuban and spoke mostly Spanish so I learned a lot from him.  One Hispanic lady even commented on how well my "tone" was or something like that.  I would call myself a chameleon because I do very well copying after being around someone for a bit.

She said she still taught so I asked her if she knew my old Spanish teacher who I adored.  She did not.  I told her I graduated in 1996.  She graduated in 1969.  She joined the Peace Corp following her man, got shipped to Peru where she had to learn Spanish, used latrines which I was confused AF about.  She had to wear long skirts and bugs ate her legs up.  She has a daughter that had twins and somehow lost her poop chute which she said is common in ladies with multiples, thank God I never had multiples!  And since it is considered diseased you can't do the organ donor thing.  Then, she asked me if I sewed.  I thought she was referring to my dress, so my dumb ass said oh heck no, I got this at the Goodwill!  I didn't.  I actually paid over 50 bucks for this dress at Kohls but whatever Nicole.  She just never stopped talking.  Finally, it was time to leave, I had to go to the restroom, everyone else had left so I was hoping she would leave as well.  Nope, I came out of the restroom, and she was standing with Bryan at the door waiting.

She gave us her number so we could reconnect, but I am kind of disappointed to say, I haven't reached out but things have been busy and I am not sure I want to either.  She's a lot.  I noticed all of these marks on her hands and arms, she told her dog, which is a dachshund, which I am familiar with being rude ass dogs, bites her and scratches her to get bites of her food when she is eating.  And sometimes when she comes to sit on the couch and he is there, he growls at her, so she goes and sits elsewhere.  I felt by the end of the visit, my energy had just been sucked out of me!  😂   Very sweet and nice people, just not really our crowd for sure.  The waitress/bartender, she was HOT.  Bryan was thrilled when she leaned over the table and her boobs all out there, she apologized to him, and he was like oh no problem.  Heck no, not a problem!!  She was awesome to me though, and Bryan even ordered some wings.  He said they were medium but at one point I looked at him, and his forehead was all sweaty.  Next thing I knew, he excused himself to the bathroom, but he told me later the sweat literally started dripping into his lap so he had to go "wash up!"  But tasty he said!!!!  LMAO!

I can't see me ever doing that again, but it was an experience for sure!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cocoon Part 1

 Happy October!!!  I know, I feel like I have been a bit gloom and doom lately.  Not sure if it is just my perspective or what but although I didn't sleep well last night, I am still happy.  Remember, I am one of those who needs like 9+ hours and that didn't happen.  We will get to why a little later.  This is my favorite month if you don't already know this from reading my blog.  I adore Halloween and have even gotten better about dressing up since I am not such a fat ass anymore.  I am also a huge fan of horror movies so of course October is not going to disappoint.  So many that are not usually free on any of our platforms.  And Bryan allows me to watch them 24/7 if I choose. :)  And that is a big deal because it is football season!  But I have to admit, sometimes I don't mind watching them with him.  It has been so long, I can even at times figure out which team is which.  And he doesn't get loud and scary like he did when we drank.

**********Started writing this yesterday********

I was too tired.  Let's see, I started yesterday which was Sunday so Saturday, Bryan and I went to a "gathering" at a bar I used to frequent called Crazy Frogs.  It was kinda crazy going there and thinking about past memories where I would go just to get out of the house and away from Bryan and the kids. Especially Bryan back then because he was that mean drunk.  Sometimes he would meet me there on his way home from work and have a few drinks, then I was always proud to show him off.  But honestly there were many times I went up there on my own, sat at the bar like the other "singles", and would meet the coolest people, or the weirdest people.  I think I also smoked cigarettes back then as well which would make sense because now the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit.  But I wasn't a "small" girl back then, so it wasn't like I had men falling all over me often.  And the bartenders knew me, so I didn't feel like I was going to get stolen.  Anywho, Bryan and I went to that "gathering" there which was folks from Next Door.  I am not sure if I have spoken of it before, but it is a community website that I joined a long time to ago to be nosey.  But then it also turned into a place to meet new friends, buy/try homemade foods, and also even help other neighbors.  While I have been "unemployed", many folks on there have stepped up and helped us out and I have been blessed enough to have been first on a lot of posts that were giving away free foods.  There is a group that meets every Thursday at Denny's, and recently they started trying new spots.  I got the invite and of course was like hell yea, it's a bar!!  I told Bryan and he offered to take me/go with me since technically I didn't know any of these people.  I was pumped until we got there and while we were walking in, I got nervous.  My anxiety kicked in, my stomach started hurting, but Bryan grabbed my hand and in we went!

Part 2 Tomorrow - Didn't have the greatest start to this morning either but will tell you then.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Couponing!!!!

 Guys and Gals, if you have a Kroger - run don't walk to get this deal!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you would like to learn more!

Extreme Couponing Deal!!!

Yall - All of these for 11 bucks!!  Yes, one is missing because the hubby put it in the fridge lol.

X0X0 ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you want me to help.  Remember, you have to spend money to make money at first.

What Color Do You See?

Have you ever seen the movie The Color Purple?  I watched it as a young child actually.  I know, strange, I was around 6 or 7.  But I loved it and my grandma on my dad's side would pop in the VHS for me.  They had the big furniture tv, you know what I am talking about, and I would sit on the carpet as close as I could to watch the movie.  As I got older, I loved the books we had to read in school like A Raisin in the Sun, To Kill a Mockingbird, you get it.  My family, they are actually quite racist so maybe I bonded with that, being abused myself, no food, feeling like a slave.  And it is quite ironic to me when I as my aunt says, "was drunk and lost your mind over us using the N word" when I brought up the fact that what happened if Claire or Taylor decided to date a black person.  And now here we are, Claire is engaged and having a baby with a black man!  LOL 😂 I personally find it quite humorous.

Most of our family has passed away on my dad's side, well, just his parents because he is a family of 6. and then on my side, very few of us left.  By my side I mean maternal.  My younger years spent many weekends over at Grandma's and Pops with my dad's family and kids. It was a blast!  All of the adults drank, us kids ran "wild", there were different rooms with card games, board games, domino games...  Plenty of snacks, sodas, and like a quarter to bring someone a beer.

We played inside, outside - I mean just think 6 children that are now adults and their children.  We had a playroom, filled with toys that Grandma has collected over the years from each kid etc.  Sometimes we would sleep over as well.  Not one of us kids would ever complain about going over there.  There was a tree in the backyard I tried to climb.  I was big about climbing trees - tomboy of course but I also loved using my imagination up there.  There was a tree that was "naked", like no bark.  I got all the way almost to the top and I slipped.  I held on as I slid down, had shorts on, and lost all the skin on the inside of my legs.  Now when I see those trees, I look at them with daggers.    One of the "game rooms" my grandma also had a station bicycle and then a large area where she cut her fabric.  Us kids would take turns riding that bike, one foot on each pedal, like a ride at Chuck E Cheese to us.  Now that I think about it, I think us three were there more than the others, but I am sure Grandma babysat us as well.  And if you have been following, my Mother wasn't aways in the picture.  Her choice.  We always wait and hope and wish to get older, and now, we look back and how I wish we could go back to those younger simpler days.  Hell, what happened to the damn ice cream man?  Even my kids had those.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Let Me Be Who I Am Meant To Be

How are we doing today?  I am feeling pretty awesome today!  Still no job, but I did manage to win almost 500.00 on an app on my phone playing slots.  Yes, I know - lots of scam artists out there but Bryan and I both did lots of research prior.  He still didn't believe me and had won over 600.00 bucks but gave it all back.  If you have ever played slots in real life, that can happen easily.  When I first started, I was up a lot and gave it back as well.  But then out of the blue, I started hitting big and decided to try and cash out.  After getting my identity confirmed, etc. - honestly, it was a lot of steps but made me feel safer as well, the money was in my bank account!  We went to Kroger to get some stuff, got me a little vodka, paid bills, it was a good day.  Of course, now I am trying hard to win again but the cool thing is, you really do not have to pay to play.  Just collect - but I can't lie and say I haven't thrown some cash here and there over the month I have been playing.  But I can say that win, I hadn't spent a dime to get, had just been collecting so I am still feeling pumped!

Of course, when I told my aunt, her first statement was oh you have to pay taxes on that.  I said woman, we will cross that bridge when we get there.  She also mentioned trying DoorDash again which I told her yes, I have thought about it, but gas is so expensive now.  She said Well it worked before paying your bills and you have to do what you have to do, which frustrated me.  But then I reminded her I had unemployment then, that paid the majority of the bills, along with Bryan's SS.  I have been applying and applying.  I am not sure what else to do.  I am going to call the unemployment office again Monday to see if they have anything that might help.

I have been playing around with the idea of OnlyFans or Fans Only; I always confuse the name.  My biggest concern is that working against me to get a job/career in the professional field.  I have it mostly set up - Just need to add my info to get paid and get started.

Bryan is worried about me being too naive, and someone finding out where we live, and I completely get that.  We need money though.  And I am too old and chunky for the pole!!!   LOL

***Update- Still waiting to hear back from OnlyFans but last night I also stumbled along a sports bar/strip club hiring.  So, I sent over my information, and they asked me to come in for an interview.   I put on a dress, did my hair, put on my boots and away we went!  It is not in the best area, but I was determined to do it on my own because of course Bryan was already nay saying it.  It is literally on a corner right by the freeway - again odd place, I think.  I went in, and of course there was a young girl working the front desk looking like she hadn't eaten in a month.  She wasn't very nice either and I don't believe I ever saw her teeth once.  I explained to her and then another manager that came out.  He didn't seem impressed either.   He asked what I was interviewing for and I told him I needed a job and would be willing to do just about anything.  He ushered me to a table with an application to fill out.  Filled it out based on the same information I had sent via email, showed him where my cell # was, thanked him for his time, and left.  I felt rejected but still proud of myself for going.  Then, this morning I check my email and it is from them telling me how they are looking forward to seeing me Saturday night.  I responded and let them know what happened.  So, we shall see!!

***One more update:  I reached out to one of the companies I had done an assessment for and hadn't heard back.  She said you have to get a 70, and I got a 67 but said she would resend it and I could do it again.  That morning was the morning Billy Jean passed away so I hope today is better.  Come on 70!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole  💗💖💋😎

Angels Among Us.

 Ok, have to share this. Last night, Billy Jean came and visited me multiple times. I had just gotten in bed, got under the covers, and then I felt and heard a cat jump up at my feet. Grabbed my phone to use the light, assuming it was Olivia cause even for a big girl, she nimble- but there was nothing there. Later, I woke up and heard her twice under my bed. She had just taken to sleeping under there when she got sick. The last night, she went into the living room like normal, so we thought even then, YAY she is getting better!!

Thank You, Princess, for coming to visit with me, even if it is the last time. <3