Friday, June 11, 2010

Stop & Smell The Flowers

The other day we were getting ready to go somewhere and after getting the kids all dressed and ready to go, I got myself all gussied up and decided to play around on the computer while Bryan finished up. I saw a nice picture of some tulips and decided to change my background with it. No one was in the living room at the moment except for Taylor so I called him over so he could see it.

Me: "See my new background?"

Taylor: "Yeah, what is it exactly?"

Me: "Tulips, it is a type of flower."

Taylor: "Oh okay, they're pretty."

*Now during this conversation Bryan & Claire had wandered in.*

Taylor: *Still standing next to me & looking at the picture* "They even smell good too."

Me: "That's my perfume....."

Bryan: "It's not a scratch & sniff son."

Monday, March 8, 2010

I Thought It Was Blondes.......

Overheard while Claire & Taylor were playing a wrestling game on PlayStation 3....

Claire: "Just because I am a red head does not mean I am stupid."

Bryan and I looked at each other and said "where did that come from?"

Friday, March 5, 2010

What Not To Do For A Chapped Ass.

I am embarrassed to even show my face around here, and it's my blog! I guess I really shouldn't be considering it since I don't really have near the readers I used to but, I'd really still like to stop by and write down what funny thing Claire said the other day or what Taylor broke this time. I decided to take some time out of my day and do just that, except this isn't a funny of theirs, this is actually a funny of mine.

Back in high school I dressed the part of a cowgirl, being a "kicker" was hip and I hung out with the FFA crowd. My boyfriend was also a "kicker", Ford truck and all. Now if you have never seen a man in Wranglers or worn a pair yourself, you might not know how damn tight these jeans can be. The women's Wranglers make your butt look like a square so us girls would usually wear a brand called Rocky Mountains. The tighter the better.

Now of course if you think about it, wearing these tight jeans doesn't give your lower half much air, and being outside in the hot-ass Houston weather tends to make you sweat, so, it wasn't uncommon for your ass to literally become "chapped". I was in a bit of discomfort one evening so I looked in our hall closet to see what I could apply to my burning ass, and instead of asking my aunt (I was embarrassed), I grabbed the bottle sitting on the shelf thinking it'd do the trick. The bottle, was rubbing alcohol. I got undressed, stood in the shower, bent over, and poured.

I screamed. And screamed. I wrapped myself in a towel and ran into the living room where my aunt was, tears streaming down my face, trying to fan my blazing booty, jumping from foot to foot. I told her what I did. She laughed HER ass off.......