Friday, June 29, 2007

Oh You Shouldnt Have!

This is my new best friend!! Why you may ask? Because she awarded me my very first blog bling.

Every time one of these nifty little awards come around, I have to admit I am scouring every one's blogs just hoping for a glimpse of my name. It had never happened, until now and I would kiss your feet if I could. I feel so special!! You totally rock out!!!

Now for the 5 people I want to award this to.

Holly over at Its nice to read her sweet blog and actually know I see her from time to time. Oh, and work with her cool ass husband. She was one of my very first blogs that I stalked. Her blog name alone should win something.

And of course Min from because she is my hero!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

What The Hell Is That On The Wall??

I am the first to admit that I am not a clean freak! My biggest pet peeve with cleaning honestly is clutter, I dislike clutter something fierce. The house may get a little untidy by the end of the week but the rule in our family is, Sunday is House Cleaning Day! I promise, if you tell the kids this you will hear the giant groan that I hear very Sunday morning. But being a full time working mom and dad and having 2 little ones and a butt load of pets, it is the perfect day for us to get down and dirty. Bryan is in charge of the outside and mopping and I tackle the rest. By Sunday afternoon our place is spotless and reeking of bleach. I am not kidding, you could probably get high on the fumes if you closed yourself in the restroom.

But what about when you go to other people's houses? Should you care whether their home is dirty or clean?? Here is why I ask, I have been complaining the past few months that I need more friends. I truly only hang out with one friend and that is Sheila. Sheila has another friend named Nicole as well that she has been trying for the past year to get us together. In all actuality that Nicole and this Nicole have a lot in common. So the past few times Sheila and I hung out Nicole was there too and we got along just peachy. I went out on a limb the other night and invited her over. She declined with her daughter having to get up early with summer school but responded with an invitation to her place. I agreed and eagerly waited for Bryan to get home so I could get some girl time in.

People, I got over there and after walking through her front door my little balloon of excitement just blew the hell away! I cant even begin to describe the filth and just ick that was her home. And I saw her two little babies sound asleep in beds that were being used as closets basically. There was just shit everywhere. What really shocked me was her husband starts to apologize for the mess (this was not a mess, this was more like burn the fucker down and start over) and she interrupted him and said "Oh honey its okay, she knows she has kids too". My mouth just kinda hung there. Good thing I didn't swallow a damn bug.

So what did I do? I freaked and within 5 minutes made up a lame ass lie and hauled ass home. Please tell me, does this make me a bad person??

Peeing In The Pool

I was listening to a radio program this morning and they were asking people to be honest and admit if they peed in the pool. Giggling to myself, it brought back a few pool memories of my kiddos.

When Claire was about 4 years old and Taylor was 3 we lived in an apartment complex where we were regulars at the pool. The problem was our apartment was not close enough to the pool for us to run back and forth for potty breaks. Claire came to me and said she needed to go pee pee. I told her to go and pee in the pool, every little kid in here does it and it was not big of a deal. Claire looked at me like I was crazy and I did my best to justify this action with a 4 year old.

Claire slowly walked back to the pool, stood on the first step, and pulled her little bathing suit aside so her popo (our family word for vagina) was exposed. I ran over to her with a "what are you doing?" as she calmly explained to me that she was NOT going to pee pee on her "babin suit".

Not much longer after our little episode with Claire, we were out at the pool again. Taylor was happily splashing on the top step when he froze, stood up, and started to scream his head off. We had no idea what the hell was wrong with him! My x goes to him and grabs him by his little hand to walk him over to me. Before he even takes his third step, a huge turd falls out of his swim shorts and plops onto the floor where x accidentally steps on it. I was laughing my damn head off!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

New Way To Blow A Bubble

Bryan just had to get bubble gum out of our daughter's right nostril because she was trying to blow a bubble. Alrighty then.

Do Ya Feel Lucky, Punk?

Things have been a little hectic here in my world so I have not been able to let you guys know what is going on with our little family. Last Friday, I was listening to Sunny 99.1 (if you're a Houstonian you prolly know this station but for every one else, it is like the perfect work station during the day and plays love songs at night) and all week long they had been having little trivia questions about Corpus Christi, TX. Guess who one that morning?? Hot damn you're right, it was me!

The prize was amazing, they are sending me and hubby to Corpus for a weekend getaway! We will be staying at the Omni Hotel, visiting the Texas Aquarium, and so much more. And yes, Sunny is picking up the tab!! I am so freakin excited I can hardly stand it. I don't know when we're going yet, I have to hurry up and wait for the promotion people to give me a ring. I can see me now, a Bud Lite in one hand and a bottle of tanning lotion in the other. I so love the beach!

Friday night the kids and I went over to my bff Sheila's new town home to break it in. She cooked a big ass pan of Hamburger Helper, the kids screamed and ran around the joint, and us mommas sat outside on the porch with a cold one and some tunes. Good times. Bryan showed up later, like around 9 and I decided to call it an evening because the kids were getting tired and honestly, so was this ole' lady. I had been sound asleep for a good 2 hours when I hear hubby stumble in. I know I have posted before about Bryan having a bit of an issue with liquor, but the real issue was he was using it as a crutch. Ya know, not just dealing with reality. So it isn't that he shouldn't drink at all, its called moderation. So he climbs into bed and I pretend to sleep because he can be annoying/silly when has had a little too much. He isn't even still 5 minutes and I hear him get up and go to the closet. He turns on the light and just stands there staring for like, ever. Then he hobbles into the restroom, turns on that light and I hear him peeing. The next sound I hear is him washing his mouth out and I am all "What the hell, I know he is NOT going to NOT flush the damn toilet!" So I politely say "flush the toilet dear" and the dude just ignores me. So I throw the covers back, charge into the bathroom intending to flush the damn thing myself when he braces himself in front of it and slurs "the potty is missing" at me. I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or push him into the toilet. I "nicely" shove his ass out of the way and flush the invisible toilet.

The next morning Bryan tried to deny the whole thing, but me and the toilet no better. Karma totally bit him in the butt literally when a wasp stung him Sunday on the right butt cheek!!

Me Likie!!

Hi mommiebear2, Congratulations!!! You have entered into final for the contest Who gets this Wedding Date DVD?

*Ya'll go on over there and help me win it!!! Pretty please?? ;)

Monday, June 25, 2007


Let me ask you guys, how do ya'll manage to find the fantastic blogs (like mine) that you love to read? What do they have to contain to score a spot on your favorites list?? I know if you are anything like me, I usually find new blogs through some of my regular reads. You know, people linking to this person or that person or I have even checked out others comments and thought, "that person sounds pretty dang funny" and made my way over to their blog. Back when they were having those Nomination Award thingies I found a butt load of new blogs that I quickly fell in love with.

MomJunction gives you a a whole list of new or maybe some you already read of blogs to check out. What is even more freakin awesome is when I found out they were "spot lightin" my blog over there.

So go and check it out, they have a H U G E variety of stuff to filter through - they've defiantly got my attention!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

America's Got Talent (Chicago) - Kashif

Have you guys been watching this?? This guy cracked my ass up!

Rules of Houston

Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3-rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty 3rd, or whatever you wanna call it.
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, it is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not"San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you idiots!
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston . We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a "Scenic Drive."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.
8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena !" or "God, I hate Baytown !" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City !"
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably afactory defect.
11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have totalright-of-way.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph...
13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.
16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana .
22. If you live in south side of Houston and I live in Katy we'll never hang out.
23. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus.
24. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if you were just given a ticket.
25. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.
26. Else-where, they are called frontage roads... Here in Houston , they are called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road."If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but toall of us who call this home..nothing but the truth.... and you know it!!!

*Not sure what happened to the numbering there, but I love this!*

Saying The Right Thing....

A husband wakes up with a huge hangover the night after a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose!

The husband sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:

Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping
Love you!

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. The husband asks, Son . . . what happened last night?

Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

The husband asks, so, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?

His son replies, Oh, THAT! . . . Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married!!

Broken table--$200
Hot breakfast--$5
Red rose bud--$3
Two aspirins--$.25
Saying the right thing, at the right time . . .PRICELESS!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Nintendo Wii

I know if you have a television you guys have seen the commercials for this new video game. The most played commercial at our house is the one where the Oriental guys show up at some one's front door and says "Wii would like to play."

After seeing it again last night (for like the 20th time) Taylor comes over to me.

Taylor: Momma, can you call those guys and tell them they still haven't shown up at our door yet?

I giggled to myself and told him I would see what I could do.

Becoming A Milf Part 1

Good Morning all!! I was talking to Lotta over at about making the decision (finally) to get my fat ass on a diet and exercise program. Yep, that's right - I have finally decided to jump on the band wagon (Hopefully it can hold me....)!

This morning I got up at 6 am and walked for an entire mile. This is a big deal in my little world because I have never had to exercise before and I hate to sweat. It was actually a pretty funny scene because there I was doing the speed walking with my dog and one of my cats following my every move. I looked like Noah with my little trail of animals, 'cept I was the ark.

I will not be posting my actual weight because it is way too scary for even me but I will be posting the lbs that I lose (hopefully).

So wish me luck and God speed! ;)

Monday, June 18, 2007

Five Moms

Every parent has rules and guidelines that they try to follow when they have children. I can remember when Claire was born I had already put my foot down with candy, sodas, and pretty much anything I could think of that would harm her health/teeth. As the kids have gotten older, mom has gotten a little slack on some of these things. I do allow them sodas once in awhile (preferable no caffeine) and they both go crazy over holidays where candy is a given (Christmas, Easter).

As the kids have gotten older, more and more things pop up that may be a "danger" to them. Both of my kids are very different when it comes to their "brave bone". Claire is a scaredy cat, always has been and maybe always will be. At 13 months old we used to have to pick her up and carry her over the welcome mat because she refused to step on the damn thing. But then you have Taylor who dives in head first into the pool (scaring the shit out of mom), although he does not know how to swim.

Claire and Taylor are only 6 &5 right now and I frequently lie in my bed as I fall asleep and wonder about the future. I see how snotty Claire can be right now and wonder if she will be one of those bratty little girls that no one can stand when she is 15 or 16. I think about Taylor and how he is still a little behind in his development and wonder if he will be that boy that gets picked on because he is "different". The world is just full of unknowns, and really all I can do right now is wait - and be that mom that knows what is going on in their children's lives. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a "helicopter" mom (that term still cracks me up), but I do want my kids to feel like they can come to me with anything. One of my favorite childhood memories is my aunt telling me "Just tell me the truth, no matter if you are wrong or right I will back you up, just tell me the truth".

I have heard on the news and of course through emails about all of the "new" drugs, games, etc that are out there to entice your children. Scary isn't it? One thing that I had not heard of until recently was kids using cough medicine to get high. Who in the hell thinks of this crap?? I remember as a child having to be held down to even take my cough medicine, and now kids are using it for pleasure!?!?! - These 5 moms have made it their goal to educate parents about the misuse of this product. Honestly, I say two thumbs up for them because I had no idea this was even a problem. So go on over and check it out! At least now we all know who to point a finger at when the damn Robitussin goes missing.....

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day!

Sippy Cup Battle

TSA has banned most fluids at airport security checkpoints for nearly a year because of concern about possible liquid explosives.
"I was distraught. I opened my son's sippy cup. I twisted off the top. I wanted to drink the water. It spilled out," Emmerson said Saturday.
Emmerson said an officer threatened to arrest her after the water spilled, telling her she was "endangering the public." She said there was no place to dump the water near the security area, and that she was worried when her son started wandering away from her.
The story quickly spread on the Internet this week after blogger Bill Adler, a Washington author, saw a note Emmerson wrote on a Web site for city parents. Adler interviewed Emmerson and relayed her account.
He wrote that a TSA screener seized her 19-month-old's cup after asking if there was water in it, causing Emmerson's son to cry. Emmerson was told she would have to leave the security checkpoint and dump out the water if she wanted to keep the cup.
Emmerson said she accidentally spilled the water because she was nervous and traveling alone with a toddler.
TSA, however, said Emmerson dumped, not spilled, the water on the floor.
A TSA report said Emmerson told an officer that she was a Secret Service agent, flashed her credentials and said she was exempt from the "stupid" policy restricting liquids on planes.
But Emmerson denied that she flashed her badge, saying the video footage shows her digging in her luggage for identification.
"That's a gross lie," she said.

*After reading the article I was all on the mom's side, but after watching the video - in my opinion this lady looks pissed off and throws it on the floor deliberately. What do you think??

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Did everyone else already know about this place?? How cool is it to be able to win stuff with really having to do very little. Basically you cruise through all of the free stuff and sign up for something you would like to win. Then, wait for people to vote for you and hope you win whatever it was you were going for. For free. No money whatsoever. So go check it out,

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Bros Before Hos

I have always thought that saying was kinda funny, but in this case I guess it is sorta true. Although I do not consider any of my blogging friends hos. I am afraid I will not be making the DramaMamaConQueso party because of this guy. I hope everyone has a blast!!!!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Oh You Bad Girl.....

We were hiding in a closet totally sucking face when this annoying noise broke us apart. I reluctantly pull myself away from his beautiful lips and then..... I wake up because that noise was my damn alarm.

I was having a dream about this guy from One Tree Hill. And we were totally going at it all hot and heavy. I woke up feeling a tad bit guilty as I look over at my sleeping hubby.

After I get out of the shower, Bryan is awake.

Bryan: Good morning baby!

Me: Morning hon.

Bryan: Did you give me back the debit card?

Me: Yes, why?

Bryan: I was dreaming about it for some reason.

Great, he's dreaming about our finances as I am swapping spit with Chad Michael Murray (sp).

Monday, June 11, 2007

Walmart Greeter

A very loud, unattractive, overweight, sweaty, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The angry woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins ... the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
Why the hell would you bloody well think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike????"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Keep The Duck!

I am guilty! You may be asking what the hell is she talking about, well if you pop on over to you'll see the topic is pretty much about stealing. Now I am not talking about tvs, stereos, or cars people but smaller things like gum, tiny stuffed animals, and the infamous Gap duck. It is quite funny because I just heard a radio station discussing this same topic the other morning. The d.j. was talking to a mother who's little girl had been stealing packs of gum from different stores that they would shop at. When the mother discovered what had been happening, she took her daughter down to the police station, had her confess, and basically threatened her with jail. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions here but I was thinking damn, that's a bit harsh.

I still remember babysitting my cousin (who at the time was about 3) for the weekend and I took him into a Target to pick up a few things I needed. While I was getting him situated in my car, I noticed him gripping a little tube of M&M's that I knew I had not paid for. Honestly, at the age of 19 I was too embarrassed to even think about taking him back inside and returning the stolen candy. At 29 and the mother of two, I am still guilty of allowing Claire and Taylor pick a candy out of the Brach's candy dispenser in the grocery store and looking the other way. I have also gotten out to my car after a shopping trip with two screaming children and you can bet your ass I did not go back inside to pay for the forgotten soda/water/whatever underneath the shopping cart. The fact that we got out of the store alive is a miracle in itself.

Do I think stealing is okay? No, and although I tell my children not to be "jacking shit" from the stores, it is hard to drill that bit in when mommy just looks the other way on some things. But hey, I am just one of those Mommas who prefers to pick her battles.

So lets hear it, what is your take on the duck??

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


Have you checked sk*rt out yet? It totally rocks! - Makes me feel special being a girlie and all! ;)

This Little Piggie Cried Wee Wee Wee All The Way Home

My grandfather's party was a huge success, as usual. We had over 50 people attend (friends, family, neighbors, etc) and my aunt had even had t-shirts made saying something along the line of "I survived the 10th annual......" because really by Sunday most are feeling pretty crappy. Friday night is what we all call the pre-party. Immediate family come down and start helping by setting up tables, chairs, decorating, and so on but we usually stop around 6 or so and start the tunes, karaoke, dancing, and drinking. Normally I am out there with everyone else hammin' it up but old age got the best of me this year and I was sound asleep with the kids by 9 pm. Saturday was much better as we all sweat our asses off in the heat and had a brisket, sausage, and a variety of other foods for lunch/dinner and then the party started again that evening. I did much better and managed to hang out with the best of them, well until around 1 and then couldn't take any more. This year's get together included family quarrels (my brother can be a real ass) and I don't think he will be coming back next year. Oh well, less for me to have to worry about.

So, answering everyone question, yes we had a great time but I was thrilled to be back home in my own bed Sunday night. And I am super happy that it is only once a year.


Have you heard about MamaDramaConQueso yet? If you haven't, check it out!! I am soooo going and I hope to see you there too.