Tuesday, January 30, 2007
My whole family and in laws know how much I adore that store. So of course for Xmas I got a few gift cards and immediately hit the sales after the holidays. I am a bad shopper. I give women every where a bad name. I hate shopping. I do not try on anything. And usually, once I get it home and it doesn't fit -- it's off to Goodwill. Do I have the money to be so frugal? No, certainly not. But I do not do returns. Besides, I hate telling the young hot size 1 cashier chicks that umm, yeah I need a larger size. One time I actually told the girl that I was returning these for my sister and they were too small for her. Sad huh?
Anyway, so yesterday at work my zipper came off it's little track on my favorite Old Navy jeans. I was so not happy. I remembered I still had a pair of jeans I had purchased in one of my drawers that were too small with the tags still on them. I decided I was going to take them back and exchange them for a pair that didn't suck my will to live. Here is how it went...
Me: Yes I would like to exchange these.
Chick: Do you have your receipt?
Me: No, I bought it with a gift card.
Chick: Do you still have the gift card?
Me: No, I used it all so I threw it away.
Chick: Okay well without either of those you can either try and find the exact same type of jeans or you can fill out some paperwork and wait for your refund in the mail.
(Hmm, you would have thought I was trying to return a tv or something)
Me: Okay I will see if I can find them.
*****************15 minutes later after staring at their huge selection of jeans***************
Me: Okay I think these are the same jeans.
Chick: (Staring intensely at the tags) Looks like it!
She puts them in a bag and I head home feeling all cheery that I have a new pair of jeans that will hopefully fit my fat ass. I get home and go into the bedroom to put my new jeans up. As I start to rip off the tags, I do a double take. No way, this can't be happening!! After all of that!!!
Bit** gave me the same jeans that I had returned back....
Old Navy sucks.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Claire: Mom, look at the sky!!
Me: Yes it is so pretty huh?
Claire: It looks like Cheetos!
I sat there while waiting for light to turn green and took another look at the sky. Why yes, I guess it does look like Cheetos doesn't it?
I smiled for the rest of the day every time I thought about the Cheetos sky.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Friday, January 26, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Hubby knows Aunt Flo hasnt visited yet and well his only response was it really just isnt a good time. And I know what he is talking about. He and I just took a huge step and bought a house. We move in next month and I am thrilled. I have never owned a home before. I feel all grownup. But if you want the honest truth, I would be really happy to have another baby. I was not "technically" ready for the first two and we've done fine. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. I'll keep you posted. :)
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
The picture on the left (please ignore the x boyfriend in it) was taken in 2004. Yes people that is me. The picture on the left was taken on New Years with hubby. Who the hell is that fat girl holding my man??? Oh wait, that's this fat girl. *sniff, sniff*
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
My day goes on to turn out to be a real hum dinger. I don't think my phone ever stopped ringing and I am pretty sure there was smoke coming from my cubicle. When I finally thought oh god it's almost over as 4 o'clock rolled around, I thought this day can't be any fuc**ng worse I finally made a run to the restroom. Now I work in a very nice office. It is family owned and pretty much everyone that works there has been there for at least 2 years or more but with every job, people quit or get fired. Recently, we hired about 4 new people in the office. Great, right? Well I hauled ass into the bathroom after holding it for a good 2 hours and sat down with great relief. But..... wait, what is that wetness all over my butt?? It's wet. Wait, oh wait, you have got to be kidding me. No fuc**ing way!!! I wipe quickly and with my pants still down, I slowly turn around and look at the toilet. SOMEONE HAS PEED ALL OVER THE DAMN SEAT!!!! AND I SAT IN IT!!! Now at this point I don't know what is worse, the seat completely still covered in someone else's pee that is clearly still on the seat where my ass hadn't soaked it up or, or the fact that someone had just sprayed the toilet with urine? How is this even possible people????
Sunday, January 21, 2007
She used to say she was going to get a tattoo of Tweety Bird on the inside of her inner thigh (yes people you know where I am talking) and she would usually show them if drunk enough (with clothes on) and they say something to the likeness of " I tink I saw a putty tat, I did I did!" which c'mon people is funny but not so funny to a young girl watching her mother. Don't feel sorry for me people, the past has made me who I am today right? Right??
See, what I like to think of as a long, long time ago I was married to someone else who was not the greatest man in the world. He didn't start off that way but by our second child and his addictive personality, I just couldn't take it any more. I left my heart behind when I came back home to live with my aunt with two small babies and absolutely no money.
It wasn't always bad, as I mentioned before. There was a time that when he saw me and Claire his eyes lit up and my heart skipped a beat. There was a time when we had the sweetest little house in Florida, he worked, and I was a stay at home mom to two beautiful children and was able to do all of those Gymboree classes, etc. My life was perfect on the outside. I will save more of The Beginning as I refer to it now for another time.
Back to the razor, we were staying with his grandparents for awhile waiting for our house to be ready for us to move in. Claire was not even 2 yet and just toddling around the house. I was pregnant with my son and having to deal with eating dinner at 5pm, his grandmother cleaning the kitchen at 5am while singing Kenny Rogers, and the smell of bleach on the dishes. They had this really old, stinky dog that was their baby. It had arthritis and barely moved from its spot. The spot that everyone either tripped over him or stepped on him every time. Claire was teetering past the dog with a mouthful of noodles, tripped, and fell on the dog. The dog BIT her. In the face. Right above her eyebrow. There was so much blood, I couldn't tell where she was bitten and I honestly thought this geriatric bitch had eaten half of my precious baby's face off. 6 stitched and a dramatic er visit for mom and daughter, she was fine. Did I mention through all of that my little girl never once dropped 1 noodle out of her mouth?
4 days later after this, my brilliant husband left his razor laying on the edge of the sink in the bathroom. In perfect reach of a toddler, a very curious toddler. I was making Claire's breakfast and the old people were out and about, when I noticed it had gotten very quiet in the living room where she had been watching Barney. I start calling her name and she pops her little head out of the bathroom with the razor hanging out of her mouth!! My baby girl was sucking this thing like a lollipop. I run to her and take it out as carefully as I can and tell her to say "ahhh". She does and I see all of these little cuts on her tongue. I am freaking out, and terrified that if I take her to the er again they are going to think I am this unfit mother and take my daughter away. I call my aunt and tell her what happened and what I was scared of. She promised me no one thinks that and you're a great mother and accidents happen. She told me to let Claire suck on a cold wet washcloth for a good hour and the bleeding stopped on its own.
Sometimes it amazes me that they are still alive...... :)
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Anyway, so this lamb turned out to be way more work then I was wiling to give. It turned out to be a "chore" for me really. I wasnt really all that interested in showing the animal and well honestly, the newness had worn off. the end of the story, my lamb ended up breaking its leg, turning anerexic on me, and had to be shown by someone else in my group who knew what the hell they were doing. Basically after the show someone is supposed to buy the animal for meat or something, winning some kids lots of big bucks. But who the hell wants to buy a 10 lb lamb that you may get half a chop for. My aunt ended up having to basical give it away to what I am guessing to be like a slaughter house or something, its a day I prefer to block out.
So of course rodeo time always remind me of Reba the lamb and I choose to pretend she is living in sheep land living happily. Just another mistake under my belt for being friggin lazy when I was a kid.
My daughter and I will also be having a girls night out. We got tickets to see The Cheetah Girls and Hanna Montana. For anyone who doesnt aleay know, The Cheetah Girls are Disney and they have that girl from Thats So Raven in their group. Hannah Montana is also Disney and the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus, you know Mr. Achy Breaky Heart. My mom once took my sister (who was 6 at the time) and I to see him perform at Six Flags one summer. My sister stood on her chair and screamed "take it off" as my mother laughed and I looked around like I didnt know these people.
My daughter is super excited and asks me every day if today is the day, even though the concert is not until March. So who is your favorite performer and are they at the rodeo this year?
Friday, January 19, 2007
This reminded her of something that had happened in my family about 2 years ago. On some one's blog, cant remember who's now, the person was talking about leaving her children in the care for a minute while she ran into the store and came out to cops banging on the car windows. I commented about the time my babysitter left my children unattended while her family fled the city due to the coming hurricane. I mentioned how I had to go through the whole CPS spiel and it really wasn't a big deal to me because I know I am a great mother and that lady just sucked for choosing to leave my children unattended, whether they were asleep or not. I just hank God nothing happened to my babies.
Anyway, when the social worker came to my home he required questioning each child alone. I took my then 2 yr old son into the other room while he talked to my daughter who was 4 at the time. He asked the usual questions I supposed that they do, like has anyone ever touched you, hit you, etc. But one question always stands out in my mind because my daughters response made me crack up.
Him: Does your mommy smoke cigarettes?
Him: Does your mommy ever roll her own cigarettes?
Him: Where does your mommy get her cigarettes??
Her: Well at the gas station of course, like everyone else.
Hee, hee. I love my daughter. To think that man thought I was creative enough to make my own.... "cigarette". I cant even draw bubble letters.
So I am dying to know how every one's Great Freeze of 2007 went??? Monday was actually supposed to be the night that were supposed to freeze over and it was the happenin topic at work. Hubby called me many times telling me he was getting ready for it, make sure we have plenty of supplies, etc. Of course while listening to him on the phone, one eyebrow goes up as I am thinking what in the world is he talking about. I should tell you that I am a Houston native but dear hubby is from Georgia. So, as I am sure you can guess, their weather is WAY different then what we have here. As I calmly tell him on the phone "honey, its really not that big of a deal" he gets irritated with me. Now I was waiting to post this because I wanted to take pictures of some things to go with the post but well, it just didn't happen so you're gonna just have to use your imagination.
I come home to bags of stuff sitting in front of our bookshelf in the living room. (The living room in the pic from yesterday's post but way cleaner.) Husband is on the phone with his mom who is still in GA and I hear him talking about having lots of blankets, charged all of the portable dvd players, and so on and so on. I have not even budged from when I came in from the front door, still shocked by all of the crap in the living room that he has purchased. He gets off the phone and here is how the conversation went:
Me: What the hell??
Him: Well, after I got off the phone with you I headed over to Target and bought some stuff we're probably going to need.
Me: *surveying some of the bags* Propane??
Him: Well you see I bought this little outdoor camping stove and these little propane cylinders so we can cook out on the porch if we lose electricity.
Me: I see, and the flashlights?
Him: Well, it was 5 for 5 dollars and this way each person has their own flashlight and well, 1 doesn't work.
Me: Of course it doesn't. (said very sarcastically) And this gigantic like old timey heater thing sitting in front of the tv??
Him: Its a portable heater.
Hmmm, I guess our regular heater isnt good enough for him. I really wanted to take a picture of this thing because, well it honestly looks like one of those old accordion looking things you see in movies or old ladies' homes. It is a big hit with the animals though, they lounge around it and bask in it's warmth. Every time it clicks on and off, it dims the lights in the living room. Gotta love it. People, we live in an apartment. It's not that big. But obviously it is now part of the household.
Now of course I told my husband not to take anything out of the bag, because IF we don't need it, we can return it. Guess what hubby did yesterday??
Him: I guess I overreacted a little bit.
Me: Just a little sweetie. Don't forget to return the tents......
Thursday, January 18, 2007
I have lots to post but it will have to wait for another night. Happy Thursday!!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Sunday, January 14, 2007
So, after thinking about it for a bit I have decided to just use things that I THINK will end up in my blog, sooner or later.
So here goes:
A: All of the times I am sure that I will hear "AAAAAGGGGHHHH" coming from the kitchen after I burn yet another thing up.
B: Beer, for sure because in case you didn't know, I L.O.V.E. beer.
C: My cats, because we have 2 of them - Binx and Tinkerbell who extremely dislike eachother.
D: Our dog, Paris because who else has a dog that assists them in waking up the kids by simultaneously biting them and rubbing her umm we'll just call it her po on their heads.
E: Elephants because I have to write about the time a coworker told me this super lame ass yet funny joke that took me like 10 minutes to get it. (And that was after he had explained it to me)
F: Funky butts - a huge topic in our house daily.
G: Dare I say it but yes I will, gas, because frankly I plan on asking your help on some "issues" with our family. A good hint is to see the letter F topic.
H: Hair because I hate mine and am sure I will complain about it.
I: Well hell yeah I am going to talk about myself. Duh! ;)
J: I'm not going to just lay it all out there for what I would discuss that starts with that letter, but it does involve hubby.
K: My kuntry family
L: Love of books -- I adore books. I will buy books and may never read it, but I bought it. I think it may be an obsession of mine.
M: Makeup, because I do not wear any and I am amazed when I see my mother put her "face" on. Its like friggin magic.
N: Nicole, cause that's me.
O: Now c'mon you know I am going to talk about the big "o".
P: Paul and other x boyfriends that I am sure will crack ya up. Why wouldn't I tell you about the time that I farted silently but deadly and an x totally called me out on it by sticking his damn head in my lap and sniffing. WTH? Who does that kinda thing??
Q: All of the questions that randomly pop into my head that noone seems to know the answer to. Like, and I even googled this one -- Why do we have butt hair? Any takers??
R: A word I will never be, rich. With 2 kids, pets galore, a hubby, and a book buyin freak -- well, its just not going to happen.
S: Sex because we all know it's gonna happen. Why wouldn't I want to share my bedroom secrets with the rest of the world?
T: Too many damn letters in the alphabet!
U: The fact that I have never owned a umbrella in my life. Does anyone else think this is odd?
V: Whatever you want to call it, in our family it is called a popo -- but it will be discussed, I am sure. As a matter of fact while the topic has come up, can someone please tell me why anyone would want a shape created on theirs? And how do you go about doing that anyway? Do they have like little cookie like cutters that you could purchase for this?
W: On my good days the subject will never come up, but on others *sigh* weight. For example, this past Friday night I went out with hubby and some friends and ran into a guy I used to babysit for way back when. He actually looked at me and said, "Wow, well you sure have grown up" as he made the gesture that people do with their hand referring to a small child that was like 2 the last time you saw them and is now 18. The thing is, we ran into him just a few years ago -- it just so happens that I am not the 109 lbs that I was. Not hardly. *See above with the letter B for one of the reasons why* I wanted say something just as "nice" back but chose to take the high road. Yeah me!!
X: I have never had an xray before until a few months ago when I got pneumonia. Talk about making me feel fat, I think those apron thingies are supposed to be one size fit all?
Y: Why did I ask to do this? Just kidding, it was actually kinda fun even though I couldn't do exactly what it was intended for. Just bare with me people.
Z: The zoo that we have in our home. My hubby says as soon as we get the llama we can start charging an admission fee. What can I say, I love animals! FYI - We have 2 cats, 1 dog, 2 fish, 1 hamster, and a turtle.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Son: Mom, I have to poop! (he is doing his little poopy dance while saying this and squeezing his butt cheeks together)
Me: *sigh* Fine, hurry up hon,
Just so you know, this is not uncommon. We only have 1 bathroom so it never fails that someone has to use the potty while I am in there. Even if I am already on the pot.
I yell from the bath for hubby to come and wipe son's butt. Dad comes in, wipes, and I am back to my bath and book. 2 minutes later, daughter who is 6 comes in.
Daughter: Mom, I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: *Rolling eyes* Hurry up please. Wait, do you have to go pee or poop?
Daughter: Poop! (as she wiggles her little booty into position on the seat)
You have got to be kidding me? I cannot believe this. How the hell am I supposed to soak and be whisked away by my book to some far away world while she is grunting and groaning over there??
She finishes up and goes on about her merry way. I minute later, and I am not exaggerting here people, the door flies open and son runs in.
Son: Mom I have to poop again!
Me: What in the world??
Son: It's okay mom, its just a little one.
Who needs candles or smelly bath oils when I have my very own personal aromatherapy.