Monday, October 29, 2007

A Cookie Cutter Life

Sometimes, no more than just sometimes, a lot of the times I wish my family was more "normal". And when I say my family, I mean my mother. My mother has lived in GA since I was about 7, and it is better this way for me and the rest of my family. The best thing to compare her to is a ticking time bomb, you just never know when the shit is going to hit the fan.

She is a pretty pleasant person to be around, until she starts drinking. After one too many, she becomes an argumentative, mean, hurtful, and quite scary lady. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much but I can only handle her in small doses and not when she is drinking.

After I became a parent I promised to myself and to my babies that I would never treat them the way my mother treated me as a child, and I would never allow her to have the ability to "injure" my children in any way.

For the most part it hasn't even been an issue, what with her living many states away. And when we did go to GA to visit, we made our stays quick. Every time I have tried to let my guard down and try to have her in my life as my Mom and the kids Grandmother, I have been sadly reminded why she is not.

When Claire was an infant and I still lived in GA, my mother once threatened me with CPS because I refused to put these homemade ear drops in Claire's ear when she had an infection. I had already taken her to the pediatrician and got her antibiotics but that wasn't enough for my mother. The entire time I lived in GA she was constantly holding the threat of taking my daughter away over my head, and I didn't know any better that she couldn't ~ because I was a good mom.

A few years ago my Mom came in for Christmas to celebrate with the family, everyone lives here in Texas and we used to invite her to come and visit but she has pretty much burned her bridges with everyone. That year we were all at my aunt's house and at the time I was living there with my two little ones, this was shortly after I had left my husband and was trying to get back onto my feet. The big agreement was that my mom was not to spend the night at my Aunt's house because no one wanted to deal with her drinking and my Aunt had went out of town earlier.

I felt sorry for my Mom and told her she could stay only to be attacked later after she had drank a bottle of wine. To make matters worse my children were there to witness the whole thing. Now here we are a few years down the road and my mother is living in TX for the time being. She has been asking for my children to come and stay with her for a weekend. What kills me is even when I was actually thinking about maybe giving it a try, I then hear from my aunt how she is talking shit about my parenting skills again. So then I think what happens if while she is drinking and has my children she decides she could do better or some crap and steals them. It is just a thought but not something I wouldn't put past her. My mother doesn't seem to think the same way others do.

And then I think what if something should happen, like her hit one of my kids or say something so hurtful they never forget (shit she did to me many many times as a child) ~ why even give her the chance to "injure" my babies some way. How I wish things could be easier and I could gladly let her take the kids for the weekend. Oh, how I wish......


Jenny said...

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry.

Go with your gut. If you think the kids won't be safe then they probably won't. As much as you want her to be a good mother and grandmother that doesn't mean you can make her be one. And even worse, she probably doesn't even see the issues.

Trust yourself. You are a wonderful mother and the decision you make will be the right one.

Heather said...

So sorry. I grew up in a home like that. I still have nightmares to this very day. I had to cut all ties so they wouldn't hurt my children either. Thankfully I have my bio dad, but he lives many states away. :(

Hol&J said...

I agree with the others. Go with your gut.

I know of a similar situation. Their mother drinks a lot, and they came home to find their daughter in the bathtub (SAFE) but the mother/grandmother was plastered in another room. They said NEVER again to letting the mom watch their children.

It may hurt you to do it, but you have to protect your babies.

Ann(ie) said...

OH wow. That's a rough one. I have a dad like you describe your mom. But, maybe this sounds weird....I think it's different when it's a dad. A mom is supposed to be your soft place to fall, not talking shit about her kids. I'm sorry, love. You are a wonderful mother. You DO give your kids that soft place to fall. I agree, go with your gut.

Phoenix said...

That so sucks. Parents shouldn't be like that. But since she's like that, you're doing the right thing keeping the kids away. Especially while they are little and impressionable.

Having no grandparents is bummer, but it's better than mean hateful ones.