Butterflies 🦋

 The other night I went over to a friend's house (Chrstine's), and she also had another friend stop by. We ended up in the backyard, and my friend has these plants where the caterpillars can build their cocoons after feasting and then hatch into beautiful Monarch butterflies. Out of the blue, one lands on her friend. We got to watch it try to figure out how to use its little legs and wings. It even ate a little fruit out of her hand! I mentioned that usually that means departed family or a friend came to say hello. She told me how her dad just passed away a few days ago. I'm not crying, you are!! 💗

XOXO ~ Nicole

Becoming A Woman.

Welcome back!  If you are new, see the previous post.  If you're not, I knew you'd be back.  😂

Ok, so I have written before that my aunt raised me from 11 (she says 10) until I graduated high school.  I spent every summer with my Mother, it was "required" while I was living with my aunt.  Now don't get me wrong, there were great times but there were also "Mother" times.  Ok so I get my first period, unfortunately on Mother's time.  I wasn't shocked or anything, her and my aunt had talked to me about it and the whole "sex" chat.  My Mother made a huge deal out of, which I was down with because her attention was on me!  Next thing I know, we are in her room, and she is showing me a tampon and explaining to me how it works.  Now I was not sexually active AT ALL, hadn't even French kissed a boy, but she made it seem ok even though shoving anything into my vagina sounded horrific.  You guys, she had me lay down, naked from the waist down, on a towel on her bedroom floor.  She then covered the applicator with lotion, and told me how to push it in etc.  My biggest fear was it was going to hurt, but right there with it was thinking the tampon would get lost in there.  I DO get it in, or so I think.  I could still feel it inside me though.

We go downstairs and I call my aunt to tell her the amazing news about me "becoming a woman".  She also pours me a glass of wine.  My younger brother and sister thought it was cool as hell, but I wasn't a fan of alcohol seeing as how bad things seemed to happen in our family due to it.  I remember sitting at the kitchen table, my mom drinking her wine and smoking a cigarette while we talked to my aunt, and I sat there with my wine sipping as little as possible.  They said something funny and I laughed.  You guys, that tampon shot out of my vagina like a missile and into my panties.  I was mortified.  Needless to say, it was pads from them on until I was about 18 or 19.

XOX0 ~ Nicole

 

Halloween Update & We Are Having Wine?

 I feel like last night was a big success Halloween wise!  The weather was beautiful which sounds old, I get it, but they were talking about rain, so we didn't have to all shack up in the garage.  Christine ended up not coming because they had some sort of emergency at her mom's house, nothing with the baby, she just said a friend - so no cheese dip which I was super bummed about.  And just getting to hang out with her and the baby and not fighting for attention from her family and friends.  But I finally went over to the Cubans and knocked on the door after Bryan and I got everything ready, and the wife and their son (he is so sweet 8 years), answered and she had forgot!  LOL.  He immediately threw on his Batman costume, his mom made her way over and then Tony, their dad/husband later, showed up and surprised me because I had no idea, he was still going to make it.  He drives far for work and usually comes home Friday late or early Saturday morning.  But we had fun and enjoyed the few trick or treaters we had visit.

I was looking at peri & menopause symptoms (why TF am I growing these thick black hairs out my chin!?!?) and a memory popped in my head, come back tomorrow so I can tell you about my adventure with me getting my first period when I was staying with my Mother during the summer and her take on how to use a tampon for the first time.

PS. Come back tomorrow - this day just got away with me!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Do You Know What......... NSFW - RATED -R!!

Hey y'all, it's me again.  I just wanted to write this separately and not with the Halloween stuff.  So last night I said I went to bed, well fell asleep around midnight kind of - well it was even more perturbing because I used one of my "friends" before it was time to go to sleep, and usually after having an orgasm a few times, I just pass out.  And it was a great session!!  Like, one of the bests I have had in like forever because I was able to quiet my mind, focus on the Sound Baths I put on (which I highly recommend for pleasuring yourself as well as tarot reading or just a good 'ole soul cleansing) and just relax.  Relaxing is hard for me.  For one, my mind seems to be constantly thinking so I try to focus on the "Music" but sometimes it is hard.  I am really bad about tensing up and trying to force it which is no bueno.  You might get off, but you feel like you worked for it so hard, was it worth it?

A long time ago, you can find it in the blog, I hosted a party for sex toys, etc.  I myself was not familiar with them at all.  I had always heard about the Rabbit, so of course I went for something like that, but it was the whole shaft shall we say?  I remember it had these pearl looking beads that rotated around towards the bottom of it.  It was pretty, and of course it was pink, but not sure what those were supposed to do.  Different speeds, all that jazz but my issue was you're basically trying to shove a whole "penis" in your vagina and I am sorry but, that was not a turn on.  My favorite was the bathtub.  I think I saw it on a movie once, tried it, and that was eye-opening!  Then we got one of those fancy shower heads that was removable, OMG.  Did Bryan know?  No.  I was always taught men need to think they are "KING" when it comes to sex lol.  But the big thing for me also was I learned I was a squirter.  If you do not know what that is ladies, it means when you have an orgasm, it's very wet.  Gets messy like put a towel down or maybe two just in case.  Some men think it is hot, some don't.  I have always been self-conscious about it since finding out it could happen when I got older and Bryan was as he calls "finger-banging" me.  Later on in our marriage I asked his thoughts, he said he doesn't mind it, but it is messy.  LOL. 

And like I said earlier, realizing I could do it in the shower or tub, way better and cleaner and I didn't have to be embarrassed of it.  But the thing was, that hardly ever happened with the rabbit.  I didn't really care for the whole penis inside; it was what was happening to my clitoris.  I didn't realize that is what felt so good until, I bought a vibrator that was literally just a stimulant for it.  I now own one that is comparable to I think they call it the bullet, but it is completely chargeable via a phone charger!!!!!!!!!! and then one that stimulates and sucks!!!!!! your clit.  Now that one, you definitely need to make sure you're in the mood cause sometimes it feels like it is going to suck but a lip or two if you don't have it positioned just right.  I also highly recommend darkness, fans pointed on you, and make sure you either sprayed down your bedding with your favorite scent or at least have a candle going.

Last night, it had been a while since I had that many orgasms because like I mentioned earlier, I get stuck in my head not to make a mess and squirt, but Jesus was it worth it.

So, if you are anything like me and need suggestions before you take 20 plus years to figure out YOU - Ask me!

PS.  Someone just messaged me - yes, both get warm as well.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Happy Halloween 2026!!

 Happy Halloween!!!  It is finally here!  I am SO excited!  Now the sucky part is, I didn't sleep well last night.  I have no idea why not.  I am excited for Halloween but not THAT excited.  Went to "sleep" at almost midnight, and each time I would start to doze off, my mind would startle me awake.  What I mean by that is I used to have issues sleeping, I would start to feel like I was suffocating, and my mind would race and tell me to get up, get moving.  I would pace and pace the house or outside or sit out in the Livingroom watching tv with Bryan.  Poor guy.  But after getting on Celexa and then Zoloft, especially the Zoloft, I stopped feeling that way.  With the Zoloft, when I kind of start to feel that way, another part of the brain (I refer to as the Zoloft part) tells me everything is fine, relax, don't be dumb, go to sleep and it works.  But last night, I would start to doze off and then my brain would startle me awake.  Over every little noise, sound, EVERYTHING.  I don't normally sleep that poorly unless I have Oliva with me, although she is getting better.  I felt like I finally fell asleep around 4 am and then when I woke up at like 8 am, I texted Bryan and told him I was going to try and go back to sleep.  I did off and on, till almost 11 and then wanted to get up.

We are going to be "hosting" a little get-together in our garage.  Gonna hand out goodies for the kiddos, and Christine and the baby are coming down with CHEESE DIP!!!  Yes, you know I requested that again!  LOL.  We invited our Cuban neighbors but haven't heard back yet.  I am sure we will either later or they will just pop by.  Bryan is grilling ribs, making his famous cowboy beans, I'm not sure about the other sides yet.  If the Cubans come, I am sure they will bring things as well which is always a 50/50.  Sometimes, especially their proteins, are tasty but other things, not so much.  They get confused on the holidays so that is why I say they will probably show up.  And they finally invested in some Vodka instead of all of their dark liquors so YAY!  We are not dressing up since we did last weekend, and we are just gonna chill in the garage.  I am excited and a little nervous because we don't normally have people over, especially littles and I worry about all of our animals and crap on the floor.  Not literally, but you never know.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Vashti Gifts

 Vashti, I have written about her and her mom and their meaningful relationship to me as a child, teen, and then early 20's.  Anne, her mom, mentioned about sending me her old Barbies and asked me a few months ago about these little angels that Vashti had collected, if I would like them?  Well of course I said yes - Having anything of Vashti's in my home would be a blessing.  To get the Care Bears as well, that was just icing on the cake.  I immediately wanted to take them out and play with them, but I didn't.  Thank you, Anne, AKA Mom!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

"Cloud Couch"?

 I was just facetiming with Claire, my daughter, so I could see their new place out there in Kansas. I noticed her fiancé trying to open a vacuum sealed package. I asked Claire what it was and she said their couch! Somehow, this thing is supposed to pop out of there and become a couch. I can't wait to see this.....

The below is what I imagine lol.

Like Mother Like Daughter, Kinda.

Have you ever seen the movie The Indecent Proposal?  I believe I have asked this question before when I was posting about the movies, I watched that day.  But we have some newbies so if you haven't, a married couple down on their luck money-wise are offered a proposal from another man to sleep with the wife.  Bryan said he wouldn't do it, but I would.  I love my husband and the idea of having sex with another man is not on my top 5 for sure, but if it meant we were set for life, sign me up and consider me yours till it's done!  I can't lie; I have done my fair share of things sexually for money back in the day.  Only with actual boyfriends, but I have.  Not sex though.  What can I say, my Mother taught me well......

My Mother was all about her looks, and yes, she was beautiful and an amazing body, but inside she has a black heart.  It's all about her.  In my opinion, she should have never had children because she is too selfish.  Us 3 kids had savings accounts our parents helped us set up.  We were young but would save our coins etc. and my dad would match it.  When she left my dad, she drained all 3 accounts.  She taught me at a young age men would do or give just about anything when you are beautiful and sexy.  Yes, I know, this is not a good thing but that was not how I raised by her.  I remember one time when I was living with Anne and Vashti when I was around 20, that is when I met Bryan and Drew.  Feel free to search in my previous posts to refresh yourselves or learn.  Anne actually called my Mother to complain about me receiving constant gifts from the boys.  I am not sure if they were just jealous or what, but them my Mother chose to belittle me about it.  I remember thinking, I am doing what you taught me, but I would never argue with her for fear of getting slapped or who knows what else.

Now, have I used sex with Bryan when he is in a bad mood - Hell Yeah, I have and he knows it.  I used to be hot AF, then I got older, a desk job, discovered beer, ya know but no matter what, Bryan has always been attracted me.  It helps that we "grew" together because I had an old work friend and she got fat and he didn't and lost interest in her which is sad.  We both lost a lot of weight, which makes me feel more attractive although I weighed a few days ago and asked Bryan if the scale was broken because damn, that shit sneaks up on you like "Mr. Deeds".  I had gotten down to 174 while Doordashing, but since trying to find a career that I really wanted, which means sitting at my computer all day in the home office, and drinking, well my ass is up now to 200.  At my heaviest I was 240 but the last time I weighed I think I was 290 and then apparently didn't step back on that bitch for like a month.  What does this mean?  Well, it makes me not feel so confident especially with Bryan now.  I know I saw his ass looking at my stomach yesterday.  Which makes me not want to be really sexually active because I don't feel like the sexy bitch I normally do.  I know I am still sexy with curves and all, but it makes me proud to have lost that weight.  Which means I need that new job pronto, so I don't drink as much and I need to get more active for sure!!  In the meantime, I will channer my inner Anna-Nicole so I can be the bad-ass bitch I know I am.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Be Kind!

This morning the hubs and I ran to our Kroger to grab a few things. There was a young gentleman by the front doors, and he asked us if we had any change so he could get something to eat from one of the fast-food places around. I don't know about y'all, but we never have cash. Bryan nor I are really in the place financially to help but I went ahead and got 3 bucks out for him as cash back. Bryan asked me what for and I told him. We have been blessed over and over in many ways, and I am a full believer in paying it forward. So, if you get a chance today to bless someone, pay it forward.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Twilight's First Halloween 🦇

 Happy Almost Halloween Twilight!!!  We love you!

XOXO ~ Momma

First Halloween Party In Forever!

 What a time we had!!!  OMG, I am so glad we went to that Halloween party.  I don't do well with crowds, small talk, and even though I knew most of the people attending (I thought, there was one new person) I still got super anxious on our way over (walking of course since she is in the cul-de-sac) and wanted to go home.  But Bryan to the rescue, and even better when we walked in, it was just Christine and the baby.  We still call her a baby, but she is walking pretty well now, but she isn't even 2 yet.  Bryan made a red velvet cake with white icing to bring.  It was supposed to be a mummy, and he even made eyes out of cookies but then decided to cover it in fruity pebbles.  It was cute, but then you totally lost the mummy vibe and couldn't even see his eyes and he had no mouth.  But the folks loved it and gobbled it up!!!  She had let us know she would have snack-foods, but not actual meals which was fine with us.  I don't do sweets, so I stayed away from all of those, but she did have cheese dip! and salsa with the scoop tortillas chips.  That is definitely up my alley.  A little later she brought out these mummies that were like a jalapeno popper with the crescent dough wrapped, it was cute, but I am not sure what all was in there.  It kind of fell flat.  Like no bacon or sausage, just I think the jalapeno scraped out so it was like skin, and then maybe cream cheese?  My man always has my back though so when I made my plate, just a small one, he told me everything was hot, so I sat like a good girl and not burn my damn mouth which I am so known for.

Like I said, I was happy it was just Christine and the baby because then my nerves disappeared.  Then, a car pulls up that I wasn't familiar with and Christine says oh, Kay is here!  Now Kay is her soon to be ex and there is a lot going on there including Kay's family coming and they aren't speaking with Kay due to all of this.  Plus, I always found Kay hard to bond with and Christine knew.  She made me feel like I was on an interview.  When they were together, Kay was normally working so it was usually just Christine, I, and Baby.  She came in, Bryan and I did our best to act normal, and I could tell Baby was hesitant.  She was way more interested in what Christine was doing.  Kay's parents show up, and y'all it was like you could cut the air with a knife!!!  We ended up outside for a bit, we vape and outside was also Kay (alone).  But the weather is beautiful, so we go out there anyway.  I do my best to strike up a conversation, talking about things I know she likes etc. and thanks to alcohol, it wasn't too bad.  She spent most of her time with her face in her phone and pacing so, fun!  I do care though so I did the best I could to keep the conversation going.  We ended up all outside, her backyard is big and fantastic, swing set as well for the littles, by all I mean us, Kay's parents, Christine occasionally would come out (she is definitely a hostess with the mostess and barely gets to rest), one of the "boys" is what we call them because they have similar names and we see them so infrequently, we forget and the rest were still inside which we knew them except for one girl that came.  One of the brothers' said she was Christine's oldest friend which was nice.  She smoked cigarettes though and that was gross, especially when she would put them out in a paper plate.  Gross.  I wanted to throw up.  But luckily, she spent most of the evening inside with the littles and a few others.  Kay had left earlier because she said her stomach was bothering her.

I got to try the first cocktail!  I was down until she said tequila but agreed when it was the clear kind because I heard that was more expensive and not so throwy-uppy.  She mixed it in a sugar free juice with papaya and some other fruits which made the juice smell like thro-up which kinda sucked.  But you got used to it with and it covered the "tequila" smell.  I knew I needed more than Bud-Lite for this crowd.  Kay's rents, well they are definitely a show.  She is like a HOA queen and sounds like real estate as well, and he seems to do real estate as well.  She can definitely polish off some wine.  And wooooohoooo does she know everything!  You know the type.  She finally went inside and then just the Dad was there.  He is a pretty funny guy but then he started talking numbers and blah blah blah, and I was getting tired, so I wandered into the house to get my grub on.  Bryan said he mouthed thank you sarcastically when I left him, but I didn't see him.  I beelined for a few leftover mummies, figured at least the bread will give me some sustenance and then there is the cheese dip.  With the scoop chips don't forget!  She had made the cheese dip in like a homemade double boiler, and she would keep it warmed in the tiniest crockpot I have ever seen.  It was like the size of my hand.  So, my ass proceeds to grab like 3 scoops, because for some reason I can't eat just one chip with dip, and scoop that cheese out of Tinkerbell's crockpot!  Not only did I stab under my tongue with one of the chips but burnt the fuck out of my mouth.

We finally get home an hour later because Christine had wanted to show us the moon on her new telescope, but she struggled until her friend helped.  I told Bryan who is a big fan of the movie Can't Buy Me Love" to get his ass over there.  If you haven't seen the movie, I'm sorry.  We did finally see it, but when you finally get your eye aligned after basically busting both knees and possibly your back out, it is so bright, it was like being at the doctor's when they shine that bright ass light in your eyes.  Yesterday I was definitely feeling sluggish, mostly because Olivia's fat sassy self, decided she wanted to sleep with me that night and that is like sleeping with a furry heater that doesn't allow me to move freely.  And sometimes scratches you!  The funny thing is when we got home from the party, Bryan tells me do you realize I didn't have one drink the entire time we were there (since he doesn't drink alcohol).  I was like, well who's fault is that dumbass?  He died laughing.

XOXO ~ Stay Cool My Ghouls!! ~ Nicole

"Do You See Dead People?"

It's almost Halloween y'all!!!!!  We still have about a week until the actual date, but today we are going to a Halloween party down in our cul-de-sac at our friend's Christine & Ellie.  It's a kids' party but there will also be adults.  And alcoholic beverages are allowed!  Otherwise, I would be in and out, them kids give me a headache after a bit.  We are going to walk down when it starts to get dark per her request and Bryan made a cake!  I am going as Ace Venture: Pet Detective where he dresses up for the mental hospital, tutu and all.  Bryan was supposed to a retired man that plays golf all the time, but then he went to a referee, and now has landed on a fly fisher because he has the whole get up.  He used to do it when he lived in Georgia, but I always thought it was a Halloween costume for the longest time, till he told me.  I had to just walk away with him changing his damn mind, it was annoying me.

Which leads me to my conversation with my aunt.  She knows I adore horror movies, Halloween, etc. and she recently had to have a back molar removed.  They tried to do a root canal, then she had to go to a specialist, yadda yadda yadda.  When she was up for talking on the phone, she proceeded to tell me that her bone graft was from cadaver bones.  Come on you guys, you know me ~ I thought it was cool as shit.  I told her I couldn't wait for Halloween to see if she saw or heard the dead people!  She wasn't impressed.  Earlier, we texted and I had to share because if you knew my aunt, she can be one mean bitch when she wants to, but she loves me.  LOL.

XOXO ~ Nicole

My Husband, My Best Friend.

 It's the little things that mean the most.  Sweet surprises from Bryan Aruthur.  <3

Burnt!?!? I think not......

 I have posted before about my husband's cooking.  He has always been an amazing chef, he used to work in a restaurant kitchen when we first met.  He was my water, but he would pick up extra shifts in the kitchen.  When he drank, it was a 50/50 thing.  The food would either be amazing, or raw/burnt, fell on the floor, you never knew. He is still an amazing chef but since he doesn't drink anymore, it is always on point.  He smoked a pork shoulder yesterday.  If you know about barbequing and smoking, you want that bark on there when you smoke your meat.  I used to think it was gross, looked burnt, but it is like meat candy.  It is the outside of the pork, the fat basically, that he has scored and then during the smoking process, it turns into deliciousness.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Ew - No! **And then some**

 Bryan:  Babe, there is doodoo behind the couch.

Me:  Oh no!  Is it Loretta or Twilight?

Bryan:  It's diarrhea.

Me:  Oh no, is it Lou or Twilight?

Bryan:  I don't know, come look.

~Yeah, sure buddy, I am all over that. ~  Men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yall know sometimes I like to ramble.  The past few days I have wanted to write, like my kind of writing, and I wouldn't say I have been having writers block, but sometimes it seems almost like a chore so then I just don't.  I love writing and do not want to turn it into that.  

I got that career!  I am not even sure if I have written about it yet but so going to paste a copy of what I posted on ND.

******

I know a lot of my friends on here have reached out to me asking for updates about the job hunt and my last assessment I passed and was waiting for her to get back to me to schedule the next steps. She did email me yesterday but, I had to let her know I would not be able to continue with the hiring process. Why? Well, I landed me a new career!!! I will be starting a company's new customer service/freight department, which is what I did for one of my last two companies! And it is salary based! I am so excited. The drive, ew, but I will have my own office again and get to be on the ground floor of something about to be big! Just like my first two careers!!! I am not supposed to be talking about it yet until they announce it, but I wanted to at least let you all know! You guys have been amazing and remember, God has his own time.******

So, my hire date was supposed to be 11/1. Which I thought perfect, I can finish October out which we all know I love and start our new chapter. But they are in the middle of a merger which is why they need me. Their franchise is booming but then he reached out and said he would possibly not be able to hire me until the first of the year! Which sucks. However, I think maybe God has a plan because I am supposed to go to Kansas for Claire's baby being born around the 24th. Booked the rental car yesterday thank goodness from Bryan's parents. I had planned on going anyway and work from her home since he said eventually, he wouldn't have an issue with me working remotely some. I know that's a big difference, but God has a plan. That's all I have to say about that for now.

**************Look away - caution - R-Rated**************

So, ever since Bryan had his heart attack, eating right, exercising, his penis went back to the original size. Now I know this sounds odd, but I would not have married a man that didn't satisfy me and then we got heavier, drinking, and just in poor health, it was NOT the same. Eventually it got to where I didn't even want to have sex with him because I disliked him so much. Fast forward, he has muscles like he used to in his chest and arms, his face reminds me so much of him when he was younger, and those eyes! I also got heavy and uncomfortable with myself, so I wouldn't be as exotic as I used to be. But now, I am a sexy bitch and you put some Sade on, watch out. For the second time now, he rocked my world last night. He was all no I am not interested and then you whip out a tittie or two, the game was on. I love how me makes me feel, so sexy. And he puts his head and hand on my tummy, I don't feel all self-conscious about it, he looks me in the eyes. Yum. I could go on and on but, I slept very well last night. Him and the cooler weather.

This morning when I woke up, I told him, I slept great last night! He said "Damn right you did, dick so deep, put your ass to sleep" and I died laughing. I was referring to the coldness in the house but I aint gonna lie - that helped too.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cocoon Part Dos

 Yes, I know I said I was going to do part 2 yesterday but the day got away from me.  Sorry!!!

Ok, we left off where I started getting anxious and Bryan grabbed my hand, and in we walked.  Now the lady who had invited me, Debra, said they would be on the left side of the bar.  Why did I think the actual bar?  I don't know but that is where I prefer to sit.  But no, it was some tables that have been pulled together and luckily Debra waved and said hello Nicole, because like I told Bryan, I don't really know what these people look like etc.  Now I knew she was older, but you guys, the whole table was full of people in their 60's-70's.  Not a one drinking alcohol, and mainly just there for lunch and conversations.  Which is awesome!  Just, not what I thought I was getting into.  There were 2 empty seats towards the end of the table so Bryan sat at the end so he could try and hear folks, he did put in his hearing aids but later he told me it was so loud in there, he couldn't hear much of anything as far as conversation goes.  To my left was a lady who never stopped talking.  Thank God for my Bud lite and shot I finally ordered.  Turned out she taught Spanish which I took two years of Spanish 1 and still wouldn't say I can speak or understand it, but I do alright.  Our janitor at Ledge was Cuban and spoke mostly Spanish so I learned a lot from him.  One Hispanic lady even commented on how well my "tone" was or something like that.  I would call myself a chameleon because I do very well copying after being around someone for a bit.

She said she still taught so I asked her if she knew my old Spanish teacher who I adored.  She did not.  I told her I graduated in 1996.  She graduated in 1969.  She joined the Peace Corp following her man, got shipped to Peru where she had to learn Spanish, used latrines which I was confused AF about.  She had to wear long skirts and bugs ate her legs up.  She has a daughter that had twins and somehow lost her poop chute which she said is common in ladies with multiples, thank God I never had multiples!  And since it is considered diseased you can't do the organ donor thing.  Then, she asked me if I sewed.  I thought she was referring to my dress, so my dumb ass said oh heck no, I got this at the Goodwill!  I didn't.  I actually paid over 50 bucks for this dress at Kohls but whatever Nicole.  She just never stopped talking.  Finally, it was time to leave, I had to go to the restroom, everyone else had left so I was hoping she would leave as well.  Nope, I came out of the restroom, and she was standing with Bryan at the door waiting.

She gave us her number so we could reconnect, but I am kind of disappointed to say, I haven't reached out but things have been busy and I am not sure I want to either.  She's a lot.  I noticed all of these marks on her hands and arms, she told her dog, which is a dachshund, which I am familiar with being rude ass dogs, bites her and scratches her to get bites of her food when she is eating.  And sometimes when she comes to sit on the couch and he is there, he growls at her, so she goes and sits elsewhere.  I felt by the end of the visit, my energy had just been sucked out of me!  😂   Very sweet and nice people, just not really our crowd for sure.  The waitress/bartender, she was HOT.  Bryan was thrilled when she leaned over the table and her boobs all out there, she apologized to him, and he was like oh no problem.  Heck no, not a problem!!  She was awesome to me though, and Bryan even ordered some wings.  He said they were medium but at one point I looked at him, and his forehead was all sweaty.  Next thing I knew, he excused himself to the bathroom, but he told me later the sweat literally started dripping into his lap so he had to go "wash up!"  But tasty he said!!!!  LMAO!

I can't see me ever doing that again, but it was an experience for sure!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cocoon Part 1

 Happy October!!!  I know, I feel like I have been a bit gloom and doom lately.  Not sure if it is just my perspective or what but although I didn't sleep well last night, I am still happy.  Remember, I am one of those who needs like 9+ hours and that didn't happen.  We will get to why a little later.  This is my favorite month if you don't already know this from reading my blog.  I adore Halloween and have even gotten better about dressing up since I am not such a fat ass anymore.  I am also a huge fan of horror movies so of course October is not going to disappoint.  So many that are not usually free on any of our platforms.  And Bryan allows me to watch them 24/7 if I choose. :)  And that is a big deal because it is football season!  But I have to admit, sometimes I don't mind watching them with him.  It has been so long, I can even at times figure out which team is which.  And he doesn't get loud and scary like he did when we drank.

**********Started writing this yesterday********

I was too tired.  Let's see, I started yesterday which was Sunday so Saturday, Bryan and I went to a "gathering" at a bar I used to frequent called Crazy Frogs.  It was kinda crazy going there and thinking about past memories where I would go just to get out of the house and away from Bryan and the kids. Especially Bryan back then because he was that mean drunk.  Sometimes he would meet me there on his way home from work and have a few drinks, then I was always proud to show him off.  But honestly there were many times I went up there on my own, sat at the bar like the other "singles", and would meet the coolest people, or the weirdest people.  I think I also smoked cigarettes back then as well which would make sense because now the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit.  But I wasn't a "small" girl back then, so it wasn't like I had men falling all over me often.  And the bartenders knew me, so I didn't feel like I was going to get stolen.  Anywho, Bryan and I went to that "gathering" there which was folks from Next Door.  I am not sure if I have spoken of it before, but it is a community website that I joined a long time to ago to be nosey.  But then it also turned into a place to meet new friends, buy/try homemade foods, and also even help other neighbors.  While I have been "unemployed", many folks on there have stepped up and helped us out and I have been blessed enough to have been first on a lot of posts that were giving away free foods.  There is a group that meets every Thursday at Denny's, and recently they started trying new spots.  I got the invite and of course was like hell yea, it's a bar!!  I told Bryan and he offered to take me/go with me since technically I didn't know any of these people.  I was pumped until we got there and while we were walking in, I got nervous.  My anxiety kicked in, my stomach started hurting, but Bryan grabbed my hand and in we went!

Part 2 Tomorrow - Didn't have the greatest start to this morning either but will tell you then.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Couponing!!!!

 Guys and Gals, if you have a Kroger - run don't walk to get this deal!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you would like to learn more!

Extreme Couponing Deal!!!

Yall - All of these for 11 bucks!!  Yes, one is missing because the hubby put it in the fridge lol.

X0X0 ~ Nicole

PS.  Leave a comment if you want me to help.  Remember, you have to spend money to make money at first.

What Color Do You See?

Have you ever seen the movie The Color Purple?  I watched it as a young child actually.  I know, strange, I was around 6 or 7.  But I loved it and my grandma on my dad's side would pop in the VHS for me.  They had the big furniture tv, you know what I am talking about, and I would sit on the carpet as close as I could to watch the movie.  As I got older, I loved the books we had to read in school like A Raisin in the Sun, To Kill a Mockingbird, you get it.  My family, they are actually quite racist so maybe I bonded with that, being abused myself, no food, feeling like a slave.  And it is quite ironic to me when I as my aunt says, "was drunk and lost your mind over us using the N word" when I brought up the fact that what happened if Claire or Taylor decided to date a black person.  And now here we are, Claire is engaged and having a baby with a black man!  LOL 😂 I personally find it quite humorous.

Most of our family has passed away on my dad's side, well, just his parents because he is a family of 6. and then on my side, very few of us left.  By my side I mean maternal.  My younger years spent many weekends over at Grandma's and Pops with my dad's family and kids. It was a blast!  All of the adults drank, us kids ran "wild", there were different rooms with card games, board games, domino games...  Plenty of snacks, sodas, and like a quarter to bring someone a beer.

We played inside, outside - I mean just think 6 children that are now adults and their children.  We had a playroom, filled with toys that Grandma has collected over the years from each kid etc.  Sometimes we would sleep over as well.  Not one of us kids would ever complain about going over there.  There was a tree in the backyard I tried to climb.  I was big about climbing trees - tomboy of course but I also loved using my imagination up there.  There was a tree that was "naked", like no bark.  I got all the way almost to the top and I slipped.  I held on as I slid down, had shorts on, and lost all the skin on the inside of my legs.  Now when I see those trees, I look at them with daggers.    One of the "game rooms" my grandma also had a station bicycle and then a large area where she cut her fabric.  Us kids would take turns riding that bike, one foot on each pedal, like a ride at Chuck E Cheese to us.  Now that I think about it, I think us three were there more than the others, but I am sure Grandma babysat us as well.  And if you have been following, my Mother wasn't aways in the picture.  Her choice.  We always wait and hope and wish to get older, and now, we look back and how I wish we could go back to those younger simpler days.  Hell, what happened to the damn ice cream man?  Even my kids had those.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Let Me Be Who I Am Meant To Be

How are we doing today?  I am feeling pretty awesome today!  Still no job, but I did manage to win almost 500.00 on an app on my phone playing slots.  Yes, I know - lots of scam artists out there but Bryan and I both did lots of research prior.  He still didn't believe me and had won over 600.00 bucks but gave it all back.  If you have ever played slots in real life, that can happen easily.  When I first started, I was up a lot and gave it back as well.  But then out of the blue, I started hitting big and decided to try and cash out.  After getting my identity confirmed, etc. - honestly, it was a lot of steps but made me feel safer as well, the money was in my bank account!  We went to Kroger to get some stuff, got me a little vodka, paid bills, it was a good day.  Of course, now I am trying hard to win again but the cool thing is, you really do not have to pay to play.  Just collect - but I can't lie and say I haven't thrown some cash here and there over the month I have been playing.  But I can say that win, I hadn't spent a dime to get, had just been collecting so I am still feeling pumped!

Of course, when I told my aunt, her first statement was oh you have to pay taxes on that.  I said woman, we will cross that bridge when we get there.  She also mentioned trying DoorDash again which I told her yes, I have thought about it, but gas is so expensive now.  She said Well it worked before paying your bills and you have to do what you have to do, which frustrated me.  But then I reminded her I had unemployment then, that paid the majority of the bills, along with Bryan's SS.  I have been applying and applying.  I am not sure what else to do.  I am going to call the unemployment office again Monday to see if they have anything that might help.

I have been playing around with the idea of OnlyFans or Fans Only; I always confuse the name.  My biggest concern is that working against me to get a job/career in the professional field.  I have it mostly set up - Just need to add my info to get paid and get started.

Bryan is worried about me being too naive, and someone finding out where we live, and I completely get that.  We need money though.  And I am too old and chunky for the pole!!!   LOL

***Update- Still waiting to hear back from OnlyFans but last night I also stumbled along a sports bar/strip club hiring.  So, I sent over my information, and they asked me to come in for an interview.   I put on a dress, did my hair, put on my boots and away we went!  It is not in the best area, but I was determined to do it on my own because of course Bryan was already nay saying it.  It is literally on a corner right by the freeway - again odd place, I think.  I went in, and of course there was a young girl working the front desk looking like she hadn't eaten in a month.  She wasn't very nice either and I don't believe I ever saw her teeth once.  I explained to her and then another manager that came out.  He didn't seem impressed either.   He asked what I was interviewing for and I told him I needed a job and would be willing to do just about anything.  He ushered me to a table with an application to fill out.  Filled it out based on the same information I had sent via email, showed him where my cell # was, thanked him for his time, and left.  I felt rejected but still proud of myself for going.  Then, this morning I check my email and it is from them telling me how they are looking forward to seeing me Saturday night.  I responded and let them know what happened.  So, we shall see!!

***One more update:  I reached out to one of the companies I had done an assessment for and hadn't heard back.  She said you have to get a 70, and I got a 67 but said she would resend it and I could do it again.  That morning was the morning Billy Jean passed away so I hope today is better.  Come on 70!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole  💗💖💋😎

Angels Among Us.

 Ok, have to share this. Last night, Billy Jean came and visited me multiple times. I had just gotten in bed, got under the covers, and then I felt and heard a cat jump up at my feet. Grabbed my phone to use the light, assuming it was Olivia cause even for a big girl, she nimble- but there was nothing there. Later, I woke up and heard her twice under my bed. She had just taken to sleeping under there when she got sick. The last night, she went into the living room like normal, so we thought even then, YAY she is getting better!!

Thank You, Princess, for coming to visit with me, even if it is the last time. <3

RIP Princess Billy Jean Moore

 It is with a heavy heart that I have to say this. We lost Princess Billy Jean around 6 am this morning. She was the runt of the litter, and what a little fighter she has been since day one. Billy Jean, you have gained your little wings, and I know we have family members there in Heaven to give you lots of love, treats, and toys. We love you always!!!!

PS. Bryan woke me up at 6 am, still dark outside and in my room. The rest of the house was flooded with light. He heard a noise, he looked behind the couch, and there was Billy Jean passed away. I hate that he woke me up and showed me her like that. She could have been sleeping but I knew she wasn't. I also know Bryan was just as upset and needed my strength. And I was strong for as long as I could be. I miss you already so much Billy Jean. <3

I Wish We Could Choose Our Mom.

 Must be a "talking" day for me, but, if you have been reading long enough, you know I can be a bit of a rambler.  But that is what I like about blogging.  It's my blog and if I want to jump around like I am on crack-cocaine, I can.  😂 

I don't know why, actually I do, I saw a scene earlier in a movie that made me think about it.  Back when I was younger, I mentioned I went and visited my Mother every summer.  There was no choice.  I lived with my aunt in Houston from the age of 10 until I graduated high school.  My aunt had "custody" at the time I was with her, but she didn't realize that because she never got any paperwork at all.  So, my mother ruled over me through her.  I wasn't allowed to cut my hair.  And I HAD to go visit her every summer no matter what.  My Mother used me as pawn to make my aunt do what she wanted.

The only good thing about going to visit my Mother in the summers was I got to see my BFF Vashti.  We met in elementary school, and she also happened to live in the same town homes as we did.  I have fond memories of trekking through the woods, trails, etc. to get to her area.  When I did live with my Mother there, going to Vashti's house was amazing in the fall.  My very own Terabithia.  I thought it pretty amazing how each time my Mother moved, we were always right next or close to Vashti and her mom.  I found out later from Vashti's mom that my Mother purposedly moved to where they were because they were built-in babysitters.  I thank God for that because without Anne and Vashti, I would have been starving all the time, and I got to see what a family was supposed to be like.

One night, we were living in an apartment complex where Vashti and her mom were literally next door.  I do not remember everything.  I remember being confused, scared, and that my Mother was trying to kill herself.  I found out later in life from my aunt that my Mother had called her while she was in the bathtub (I do remember her taking a bath -she loved taking bubble baths with music and wine and candles) and told her she was going to commit suicide and wanted me to find her.  ME!  A child.  And her in a tub full of blood after cutting her wrists.  My aunt ended up calling Anne and she brought me to her apartment.  My aunt then called the police.  And you know what, my Mother was angry at her!  I know she went to a mental hospital for a bit.  I don't recall if I stayed with Vashti and her mom or not.  I do remember when she came back, she acted like it was the best "vacation" she ever had.

A lot of my childhood wasn't pretty.  But I can tell you that back then, I poured all of my imagination into writing stories, playing Barbies - Man Vashti and I could play for hours - No one ever compared to her when it came to Barbies.  We could turn ANYTHING into Barbie land.  I miss her.  Sadly, we lost her to cancer, and I believe someday her aunt and uncle are supposed to be bringing me the Barbie stuff.  I will need to check on that.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Now That's A Woman Who Knows What She Wants.

 I called our Insurance Agent lady because since my car is now paid off, I wanted to remove the full coverage to see if it would save us some money.  Boy, did it!!!  And I kept PIP, and whatever it is called for if an uninsured motorist hits me.  I barely drive these days so no need to spend money we do not have.  Of course, I had to call because Bryan was all I don't know and you handle that....  I am sure you get it.

Anyway, I am chatting with her, and we get to talking while she was looking into prices based on our policy.  Perimenopause & Menopause popped up.  I was telling her how I had the ceiling fan on, a box fan pointed at me, and a bladeless fan right next to my head on the bedside table.  She proceeded to tell me she has all of, kept the house AC on 67, AND had a window unit installed in their bedroom!!!!

She said anytime her husband gets up to change the house thermostat to even a degree higher, she wakes up and knows.  So, then she gets up and changes it back.  I thought this lady is awesome and her husband must get really frustrated with her.  But then she said that it is the only reason I work.  I pay for the electric bill, and I am paying on that unit window.  Well worth it.

I want to be like her when I grow up.

X0X0 ~ Nicole

Tarot Cards 🎴

 What do you know about tarot cards?  I am not sure if I have posted about them yet, but funny enough. my Mother turned me onto them when I was 9 or 10.  Her bed was always super comfy, pretty, with tons of pillows.  It always smelled like her perfume in her room, and she normally burned candles every evening.  It was a dreamy experience, and my Mother was actually bringing me into something she cared about.  She was showing me attention as well!  At that time, I was only spending summers with her, so I did not have my own room.  I slept with her.  I had gotten swimmers ear and was miserable in the bed.  She was out.  She came home with a gentleman, and he scooped me up and deposited me on the couch so they could have sex.  I say all of that to try to emphasise how important this seemed to me.

She had me sit up there with her one the page and I remember her bringing out a small bag, and then cards.  I remember thinking how I had seen something like this is in horror movies, I have been watching those since as long as I can remember, but I wasn't scared.  I was excited.  I honestly do not remember anything else really about it.  But tarot cards have always been an interest to me.  Along with Ouija boards, the craft, crystals, etc.  I did post how I still feel like I got Bryan to have more interest in me by doing a spell from one of our books my BFF Vashti and I adored.  I just got my own cards.  It's a process.  You have to wait, look, search, until a deck speaks to you.  I didn't think I would ever find one, but I have.  I have given myself two readings and I can say the first one left me wanting to cry.  I had my music, fans, vanilla in the air, it was perfect.  What brought me almost to tears was how spot on it was.  How it made me feel!  I am going to give myself the third one today.  I have a whole ritual where I wash my hands, relax, and just get in tuned with my feelings, thoughts, and those cards.

I hope one day soon, I will be able to help others with it.  Bryan will be my first.  He has finally decided it will not steal his soul.

XOXO ~ Nicole

Cheaper Than Therapy

 I have told you guys about my dreams I believe.  I have always dreamed, I remember even now dreams, well nightmares, that I had as a small child, and they seemed to repeat often.  After getting older and taking mental health meds, they are like movies!!  During Celexa, a lot of them were scary.  I wanted them to stop as much as possible and would try to wake right myself up, even though sometimes I would go right back into them.

Now, with Zoloft, the dreams are definitely still movies, but they are so intense!!  Scary, not so much.  There are sometimes they get that way.  One night I had a dream that had snakes.  I hate snakes!!!!!  I woke up a few times, made myself go back to sleep, but then continued to fall back into it.  The final time was when one latched on to my foot and I woke up because my leg/foot it was on seemed to be on fire, I did a fast kick and scared myself awake.

Otherwise, I quite like them.  I get to see old family members, went to Disney so many times in my dreams (been once and that was enough) but seem to get lost in every dream there, see my two old favorite bosses often, etc.  

I started the above yesterday    -This part yesterday 9/26 - and then completely lost my train of thought.  Today I went and spent the day over at Amanda's!  I enjoyed hanging in her pool, ended just being her and as well because the kids' friends were busy.  So, it was just her, I, snacks, I thought there was going to be music, but I forgot she is a HUGE Texans fan, she even has season tickets.  She plans on letting Bryan and I go to one of the games.  Not thrilled about it but down to do it for Bryan.  So, pool, good time and chatting with my friend, y'all she is just adorable!  Blonde hair, freckles, she looks to me just like she did when we met in high school!  And she looks happy - that is the most important thing!!!  I also took my sunscreen and applied that bitch like a pro!  I got serious burnt last time and recently Bryan got a skin cancer scare.  She said I will be old by then, but I told her, I don't want to be Juno You're Case Worker from Beetlejuice when Grayson is on his way!  I am going to be a GIGI!!!  No kid gonna run to their grandparent or older relative when they look like the crypt keeper, smell like pee, you know what I mean.  Luckily for her, I think, her kids are young.  I know we are all going to die sometime, but I would rather it not be that.  Also, sleeping, showering, a lot of damn things, HURT, when you are sunburnt.    Now I did get a little red on my face and some on the shoulders, but I did it three times, so I know I did my best!

Ok so for the dreams.  I keep forgetting to go back to it because I try not to think about them too much.  Nightmares like I said, and at such a young age!!  The first one I remember was my dad driving our station wagon, my Mother in the passenger seat.  We were singing along to the radio, and I feel like I remember pulling into a drive-in movie because we had those then.  My Mother's laugh was contagious.  And when she smiled at you and her attention was on you, you felt like A Princess, or I thought ((I was going to write about being the favorite child, but my brother was maybe 4 or 5) and I have heard that my maternal grandparents preferred me over my brother.  Not surprised, I was born to a young mom, and I lived with them a lot back then.  But it wasn't my brother - it was my dad, it was other men in the neighborhood, her own brother and stepdad.  "I am beautiful, and I am the 🌟 she had to be the life of the party."  I thought she was beautiful and I am sure she still is, but eventually that blackness starts seeping out, you should and will infect the rest of your body.  

In the dream, I stood up in the back behind my Mother's seat and gave her a hug around her neck, not too hard, and she laughed and told me to give her a kiss.  So, I started to turn her head and I did, it fell off in my hands, my tiny child hands, and she started screaming at me for "breaking" her.

The other I am convinced is probably from The Shining because I am riding around on that big wheel in corridors like the movie.  But each time I arrive in the room I think should get me out, there is a damn pencil sharpener on the corner of it.  And no matter how many times I try to stop, I keep going and slam my forehead into the corner and pencil sharpener.  And I am like "Danny's" age.

Ok, So I have done word vomited on you guys and I am SO sorry.  Some days, the words just flow.  Other days, I don't struggle but don't have the feeling like I do now.  My fingers and brain feels like they are ALIVE!!!!!!  LOL

XOXO ~ Nicole

Do You Hear Voices?

 I do.  Now, I know you are going to start thinking perhaps I am like Taylor and need psychosis meds and so on, but I don't.  At least not yet anyway.  Although on my maternal side there is a high possibility of dementia and Alzheimer's.  But what I hear, I would compare it more like to PTSD.  Or so I have been told.

It's always at night.  It used to be mostly hearing the kids from when they were little.  And then of course I would hear what I thought was Bryan either yelling at the kids or yelling at something.  But the thing is, it isn't happening.  It feels like it is though.  It also goes back to my younger years where I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually - so if I think the bedroom door opens, I immediately start to wake.  It doesn't help that our Cuban neighbors seem to play their music ALL THE TIME.  I can hear it when it is low (because of the base), when they use it as an alarm, and when they have it blaring of course.  They are AMAZING neighbors, but my room is right there by their living room which stinks.

If I don't get enough sleep because of them, then I hear even more.  Ugh.  I have been trying different types of ZEN music to help but blessedly the past two nights, they have been super quiet and no music at all at times.  Could have something to when I went over there Saturday, I had been sad for I think 2 days by then, and they were bumping!  I just texted them; we are family-like, and I may have mentioned to one of our couple friends that I haven't been getting much sleep due to the music.  If they said something. God Bless.

So, if you couldn't figure that out, I didn't get the position.  He chose the lady who interviewed after me.  The HR lady still loves me and since they are an e-commerce company, she has a new position coming soon she wants me to apply.  In the meantime, I continue to apply.

XOXO ~ Nicole

When Did I Get So Old?

 *Singing*  Here I go, again on my own....

That is just a lame way of saying yes, I have been absent again from you guys.  I am still in the process of finding a job that is hourly or salary, and not just commission.  We can't live like this, if you want to even call it that.  And like I mentioned, the family and Claire have been helping.

I had an interview yesterday, well 2, the first one with HR and then the hiring manager.  It was all via Google Meet because the position is a work from home which I really need.  I'm old now.  I can't stand 8 plus hours like I could when I was younger.  This position is only paying 14.00 an hour, but I gotta start somewhere.  It's sad to think how much I was making and where I am now.  I really like the life insurance, but I feel like all of my hard work is just getting eaten up by chargebacks etc.  Doesn't seem worth it.

As I was saying, the interviews went alright.  Of course, both of them are around Claire's age.  I also had to take assessment tests and Lord let me tell you, when I saw the math portion, waaa waaa waaaa.  I am HORIBBLE at math.  That's why God made calculators!  There were percentages, subtraction of huge numbers, and what comes next on these weird shapes.  When she told me I fell below the score slightly, I figured it would be that one, considering most of my shit were guesses.  But nope, it was the email portion.  I failed to remember there was a certain number of letters that needed to be used.  She loves me, so she chatted with guy who would does the final interview and he agreed to interview me.

That was fun.  Not.  He mentioned he was in The Philippines.  Tell me why my dumbass said, Oh wow - How is Thailand?  Yup, I did.  That's another thing about me.  I suck at geography and get lost super easily.  Everything went great until we did the mock customer phone call.  Started off well, and then I started getting nervous and choked.  I talked to the HR girl after, and she pretty much told me that was the only issue and how he has one more interview the next morning.  She let me know she was going on vacation but stay by the phone because she wanted to hopefully get me rescheduled to try that part again.

I didn't sleep well because I kept waking up to look at my phone to see what time it was because I can easily sleep until 10-11 am.  Plus, Bryan and I went to Uncle Albert's for a few hours.  I needed out of the house.  Listened to music, watched people, I had 2 beers and a nasty shot.  Bryan drank his Coca-Cola.  He is so stinking cute!  I was in bed sound asleep by 11 pm which is not abnormal for us.  Makes me think of my great-grandparents because every night they watched the 10pm news and then went to bed.  I got up around 9 am, took some Tylenol because I'm old, ate, and just been dragging.  Definitely not my normal energetic self.  Oh, and there were some tears last night also prompting to want to get out of the house for a bit because I am trying so hard for this 14.00 an hour position.  It's hard to wrap my mind around it but God knows what is best.

I am still waiting.  I never heard from anyone this morning.  Now she did tell me she was going on vacation but begged and pleaded I be available.  So, I sit here thinking, is no news good news?

XOXO ~ Nicole

Happy 17 Years My Love!

 First, I wanted to start off apologizing for being kind of missing.  Been having what I call sad days.  Especially today.  I have no idea why, it is our 17th wedding anniversary, and I was so excited yesterday only to feel like impending doom was on its way when I woke up.  I know it has a lot to do with the fact that I still do not have a job, no income coming in but family and friends that help, Bryan has his social security, and we are still working hard on Taylor's.  I knew Bryan wanted to go and eat, and don't get me wrong, I love to eat especially out to eat because it is something we do not get to do very often being broke jokes.  But my stomach has still been a little cranky since I got so sick from Bingo.  I went though, and yes, the food was delicious and who doesn't like people watching?  We go to this buffet which I know sounds ridiculous for an anniversary lunch, but it is close to the house, and the variety and choices like sushi, veggies, honestly everything is so fresh and yum.  Came home, feeling a little stuffed, I tried hard not to shovel food into my face because after my sickness, I lost weight! LOL.  Imagine that!  Got home and decided to take a nap.  Yes, I know, awful for you but I hoped to "feel" better after mentally.

I didn't.  Actually, I started feeling a bit anxious in between catnapping.  Still not sure why.  Luckily, I was able to book an appointment for my refills and chatted with my doctor about it.  It was kind of ironic because she got up and closed the door and then talked to me about how she also was having a sad day.  She said she was normally happy, bubbly, (like me), but at lunch she was sad.  That made me cry again but smile as well.  Then I found out from hu hubby's step brother-in-law that he was gifting us the X-Box giveaway that I missed out on!!  Bryan and Taylor are going to be so excited! So, through all the tears and fake smiles, it has been a good day.  Happy Anniversary Husband-Of Mine!  Forever and Ever!!!!!!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

Holy Crap, Santa is Hiring!!

 The hubs found a good deal on a rack for the plants. He has quite the green thumb and keeps the outdoors and indoor plants happy and heathy. I kill them all. Anywho, he was so excited when the box arrived this morning. Like a little kid, it was super cute!

I continued doing my thing and then come out into the living room and see my man looking like he signed up for Santa!!!

All jokes aside though, he is enjoying doing this, said it is like big Legos. And it helps a lot for exercising his hands. I love him so much!!

XOXO ~ Nicole

PS. Final photo coming soon! <3🌱🌲🌷🌹🌸🍂🍁🌼🌺

Final product!!!  <3

You guys, I do not know what is going here with the black etc.  We shall just call it art!