My Crazy Sister

My sister is always dieting so I had to share this little conversation because she friggin cracks me up!


Lyndsey : i took this shit to clean out my collan and needless to say the shit backed me

Lyndsey : up

Lyndsey : i had the worst night of my life last night.

Nicole : Yikes

Lyndsey : instead of pooping i was in pain all night long

Nicole : is there a reason why u were doing a colon cleanser?

Lyndsey : i had to take two ex-lax to help this process along, and now i'm suffering the conisquences

Nicole : Dude - that sux

Lyndsey : nah...someone said you hold 10 pounds of poo in your collan, so i decided to lose 10 pounds

Lyndsey : shit didn't work

Nicole : lol

Nicole : I thought u were past all of that silly girl. One of my fav memories is still u needing to go at the dang Kmart

Nicole : ur not fat anyways

Lyndsey : lol!!! i am passed that, but still....i thought it was would be quick and painless

Lyndsey : i was a pro at the whole ex-lax thing, but this shit is horrible and doesn't work

Lyndsey : never again will i take herbal laxitives

Nicole : lol

Nicole : good grief

OB Makes Earplugs Too.

This morning Claire was rifling through our bathroom drawer, one of her new favorite hobbies that drive me insane.

She holds up a box of OB tampons that someone had given me and I had never used because they freak me out. But, I saved them just in case of an emergency.

"What are these Momma?"

Now Claire is only 8 and a very young 8 at that, so I have not had the discussion with her about periods, the facts of life, nada. And I wasn't about to then either. Luckily I was brushing my teeth when she asked the question so I had a few minutes to try to think of an answer but before I could even spit, she replied.

"Oh I KNOW, they're giant earplugs!!!"

Yup. Now move along please.

Heimlich Manoeuvre

Last night the kids and I had to go and shop at the dreaded Hobby Lobby for things for the next Girl Scout meeting. If you know me, you know I do not like anything crafty only because I am horrible at it. Plus, all of the fake flowers always remind me of funerals. Anyway, afterwards we decided to eat a Mexican food restaurant that is located right across the street.

Towards the middle of the meal I am chasing a piece of enchilada around my plate when I look up and see Claire all over Taylor and squeezing him to death saying something about performing the "hylick" like the sign at the Chinese restaurant says to do.

Taylor had gotten a chip stuck in his throat and began to choke on it when my daughter realized what was going on and attempted to save his life. I told Taylor to drink some damn water which he did and the chip went down and all was good.

It is nice to know that my daughter really does love her brother enough to try and save him right?

Hello Jackson!

So I was pretty torn up about Charlie, my fondest memory was the night before when he and I watched Walk The Line together and I swear his little tail was keeping beat to the songs! Bryan was devastated that I was sad and decided he was going to give me something for Valentines to bring that smile back to my face.

And boy, did he do a WONDERFUL job!

Everybody, meet Jackson!!

PS. No more bad dog in the neighbor's yard, we're still not sure where he went but we are happy he is gone.

R.I.P. Charlie

Things have been a little hectic around here so sadly, I hadn't even had the chance to introduce our newest family member before he was brutally ripped out of our lives. We adopted Charlie just two weeks ago and fell in love him the moment we laid our eyes on him. He was perfect for us in so many ways.

Yesterday I received a call from Bryan hysterically telling me that Charlie was dead. I was honestly lost for words, he hadn't been sick, what could have possibly happened. He went on to tell me that our neighbor's behind us who have a pit bull and a chow, that their dog broke through the fence and murdered our Charlie. Flailed him around by his neck like a rag doll and bit him more than once.

Bryan freaked when he saw what that pit bull was doing to our little guy and went screaming into the back yard, waving his hands like a maniac to try and get the dog to drop him. His actions actually frightened the two dogs and they went back into the hole they came from.

Sadly it was too late for Charlie but here we are now faced with a dilemma. We called the police and animal control and were told by both that since it was a dog on dog attack, nothing will happen to this dog. The owners were notified, they fixed the hole, and we're being told what's done is done.

We argued the fact that we have two small children, what if it had been one of them? Their response? It wasn't, and dogs will be dogs. Wow.

Jealous

I know pretty much EVERYONE reads Dooce, but just in case there is that sole person who hasnt heard of this amazing family, go here http://www.dooce.com/. Her most recent post to her daughter turning 5? The entire clip I was smiling like a retard and thinking to myself how wonderful it would be to do something like this for my two. Isnt it amazing?

Claire's Joke

Normally when the kids tell us they have a joke for us it is usually something like Knock, Knock and then maybe something about a banana. I was shocked when Claire told us this joke and I grinned from ear to ear, pleased with how big she is getting.

Claire: Hey, I have a joke for you guys.

Me: Oh yeah? Well lets hear it.

Claire: There was a baker, a maid, a lawyer, and a doctor in a round house. Someone killed the doctor and they were trying to figure out who killed him. The baker said I was busy baking things so I didn't do it and the lawyer said I was busy reading books so I didn't do it and then the maid said I was busy cleaning the corners so I didn't do it so do you know who did it?

Bryan and I just looked at each other and told her no.

Claire: *Giggling* It is the maid sillies because the house is round, there are no corners!!