Monday, July 9, 2007

No, no Mr. Monster - not THAT kind of cookie. Yes ladies I am referring to your lady bits, the va jay-jay or whatever it is that you call her. I wanna hear your embarrassing stories or just something you think is funny that has happened to you and your *ahem* friend. I will go first,


I was 19 and my boyfriend and I were doing some wild and crazy 19 year old sex when I let out this huge scream, and it was not from pleasure. I clutched my abdomen and curled into the fetal position, begging for death. Boyfriend jumps off the bed staring at me like I have grown two heads. After laying there crying for a good two hours, he decides rubbing my back and pleading with me to feel better isn't working, so he fumbles my clothes back on and carries me to his car.

It is 2:30 in the morning and I am at the emergency room with a boyfriend of only a few months. They get me into a room and Boyfriend is in there with me, holding my hand and mumbling what I think was a prayer.

In walks the doctor and introduces himself as Dr. Hand - how appropriate. Boyfriend and I look at each other and can barely contain our grins.

Dr: So, what were you doing when this happened?

Me: *Thinking* Are you shitting me?? Like he doesn't know! Why is he making say this OUT LOUD?!? Uhhh, we were having intercourse.

Dr: How exactly were you positioned?

Me: *Grimacing*

Boyfriend: We were doing it doggie style.

Me: Aww, he is so damn helpful!

After some poking and prodding around and a quick ultra sound - turns out I had a cyst that burst on one of my fallopian tubes and Boyfriend had managed to tear my labia. There was much screaming every time I peed for quite some time.

So, now its yall's turn! Lets hear it!!


Margaret said...

Ummm. Ouch. Crap. Ouch.

I wear "the ring" and once the condom got a little tangled up and came off. and went WAY up there. I refused to go to the doctor. I manipulated myself into some wierd position and dug and dug and dug till both came out. Needless to say, the mood was ruined.

Phoenix said...

Oh my god. I would have died right there.

The worst that ever happend to me involved a tampon. A roaming tampon on a high school trip to Arizona. A roaming tampon that had to be removed by an ER doc with pliers or a screwdriver or something. The day before my sixteenth b-day. And when the trip was over and we had our processing meeting (I went to an alternative school) and all of other 11 oh so lovely people mentioned how funny it was too hear about my roaming tampon. I seriously think it was around my lungs or something.

Toni said...

OMG! You win that one! Out of all my friends though~ I win for the most scars obtained during sex. Not even going there.

Hol&J said...

I would have to say, "you win" as well. Holy hell!

I can't think of any story right now. But I'll let you know when I do.