I have told you guys about my dreams I believe. I have always dreamed, I remember even now dreams, well nightmares, that I had as a small child, and they seemed to repeat often. After getting older and taking mental health meds, they are like movies!! During Celexa, a lot of them were scary. I wanted them to stop as much as possible and would try to wake right myself up, even though sometimes I would go right back into them.
Now, with Zoloft, the dreams are definitely still movies, but they are so intense!! Scary, not so much. There are sometimes they get that way. One night I had a dream that had snakes. I hate snakes!!!!! I woke up a few times, made myself go back to sleep, but then continued to fall back into it. The final time was when one latched on to my foot and I woke up because my leg/foot it was on seemed to be on fire, I did a fast kick and scared myself awake.
Otherwise, I quite like them. I get to see old family members, went to Disney so many times in my dreams (been once and that was enough) but seem to get lost in every dream there, see my two old favorite bosses often, etc.
I started the above yesterday -This part yesterday 9/26 - and then completely lost my train of thought. Today I went and spent the day over at Amanda's! I enjoyed hanging in her pool, ended just being her and as well because the kids' friends were busy. So, it was just her, I, snacks, I thought there was going to be music, but I forgot she is a HUGE Texans fan, she even has season tickets. She plans on letting Bryan and I go to one of the games. Not thrilled about it but down to do it for Bryan. So, pool, good time and chatting with my friend, y'all she is just adorable! Blonde hair, freckles, she looks to me just like she did when we met in high school! And she looks happy - that is the most important thing!!! I also took my sunscreen and applied that bitch like a pro! I got serious burnt last time and recently Bryan got a skin cancer scare. She said I will be old by then, but I told her, I don't want to be Juno You're Case Worker from Beetlejuice when Grayson is on his way! I am going to be a GIGI!!! No kid gonna run to their grandparent or older relative when they look like the crypt keeper, smell like pee, you know what I mean. Luckily for her, I think, her kids are young. I know we are all going to die sometime, but I would rather it not be that. Also, sleeping, showering, a lot of damn things, HURT, when you are sunburnt. Now I did get a little red on my face and some on the shoulders, but I did it three times, so I know I did my best!
Ok so for the dreams. I keep forgetting to go back to it because I try not to think about them too much. Nightmares like I said, and at such a young age!! The first one I remember was my dad driving our station wagon, my Mother in the passenger seat. We were singing along to the radio, and I feel like I remember pulling into a drive-in movie because we had those then. My Mother's laugh was contagious. And when she smiled at you and her attention was on you, you felt like A Princess, or I thought ((I was going to write about being the favorite child, but my brother was maybe 4 or 5) and I have heard that my maternal grandparents preferred me over my brother. Not surprised, I was born to a young mom, and I lived with them a lot back then. But it wasn't my brother - it was my dad, it was other men in the neighborhood, her own brother and stepdad. "I am beautiful, and I am the 🌟 she had to be the life of the party." I thought she was beautiful and I am sure she still is, but eventually that blackness starts seeping out, you should and will infect the rest of your body.
In the dream, I stood up in the back behind my Mother's seat and gave her a hug around her neck, not too hard, and she laughed and told me to give her a kiss. So, I started to turn her head and I did, it fell off in my hands, my tiny child hands, and she started screaming at me for "breaking" her.
The other I am convinced is probably from The Shining because I am riding around on that big wheel in corridors like the movie. But each time I arrive in the room I think should get me out, there is a damn pencil sharpener on the corner of it. And no matter how many times I try to stop, I keep going and slam my forehead into the corner and pencil sharpener. And I am like "Danny's" age.
Ok, So I have done word vomited on you guys and I am SO sorry. Some days, the words just flow. Other days, I don't struggle but don't have the feeling like I do now. My fingers and brain feels like they are ALIVE!!!!!! LOL
XOXO ~ Nicole
No comments:
Post a Comment