I Wish We Could Choose Our Mom.

 Must be a "talking" day for me, but, if you have been reading long enough, you know I can be a bit of a rambler.  But that is what I like about blogging.  It's my blog and if I want to jump around like I am on crack-cocaine, I can.  😂 

I don't know why, actually I do, I saw a scene earlier in a movie that made me think about it.  Back when I was younger, I mentioned I went and visited my Mother every summer.  There was no choice.  I lived with my aunt in Houston from the age of 10 until I graduated high school.  My aunt had "custody" at the time I was with her, but she didn't realize that because she never got any paperwork at all.  So, my mother ruled over me through her.  I wasn't allowed to cut my hair.  And I HAD to go visit her every summer no matter what.  My Mother used me as pawn to make my aunt do what she wanted.

The only good thing about going to visit my Mother in the summers was I got to see my BFF Vashti.  We met in elementary school, and she also happened to live in the same town homes as we did.  I have fond memories of trekking through the woods, trails, etc. to get to her area.  When I did live with my Mother there, going to Vashti's house was amazing in the fall.  My very own Terabithia.  I thought it pretty amazing how each time my Mother moved, we were always right next or close to Vashti and her mom.  I found out later from Vashti's mom that my Mother purposedly moved to where they were because they were built-in babysitters.  I thank God for that because without Anne and Vashti, I would have been starving all the time, and I got to see what a family was supposed to be like.

One night, we were living in an apartment complex where Vashti and her mom were literally next door.  I do not remember everything.  I remember being confused, scared, and that my Mother was trying to kill herself.  I found out later in life from my aunt that my Mother had called her while she was in the bathtub (I do remember her taking a bath -she loved taking bubble baths with music and wine and candles) and told her she was going to commit suicide and wanted me to find her.  ME!  A child.  And her in a tub full of blood after cutting her wrists.  My aunt ended up calling Anne and she brought me to her apartment.  My aunt then called the police.  And you know what, my Mother was angry at her!  I know she went to a mental hospital for a bit.  I don't recall if I stayed with Vashti and her mom or not.  I do remember when she came back, she acted like it was the best "vacation" she ever had.

A lot of my childhood wasn't pretty.  But I can tell you that back then, I poured all of my imagination into writing stories, playing Barbies - Man Vashti and I could play for hours - No one ever compared to her when it came to Barbies.  We could turn ANYTHING into Barbie land.  I miss her.  Sadly, we lost her to cancer, and I believe someday her aunt and uncle are supposed to be bringing me the Barbie stuff.  I will need to check on that.

XOXO ~ Nicole