Bryan bought a box of Pillsbury Funfetti Cake Pops to make with Claire about a month ago. I saw it in the pantry this past weekend and knew Claire had really been excited about making them but their schedules hadn't really lined up. Now I do not bake. When I have tried, it usually turns out poorly so I grabbed the box and checked out the back to see how indepth it was. I saw a picture of a microwave and immediately thought well shit I can do this, I don't even have to use the oven!
I went to Claire's room and asked her if she wanted to make the cake pops. She looked at me quizzingly and said, "But you don't bake" and I was all no baking, it goes in the microwave. She jumped up and off to the kitchen we went. I started with reading off of the ingredients that we needed. Simple enough, I thought. 1 egg, 1/2 cup of water, and 1 tsp. of oil. I had to call Bryan and ask which oil because we had veg and olive. I started to read the first paragraph for the instructions and it told me to preheat the oven to 350. Ya'll, that didn't even click with me. Claire was actually the one who was all why are we having to do that if we don't have to use the oven? Good point smart girl. Turns out after skimming though everything, the microwave was only used to melt the chips. Awesome.
Well I wasn't going to stop now because I knew she was all excited about it. The next step was to pour cake batter/powder, water, oil, and egg into a bowl and mix it. Not whip it with a whisk, but an actual mixer was being called for. We do not own one of those fancy KitchenAid mixers but I did remember Bryan had a hand held mixer thingie. I got it out and put the beaters in and then proceeded to set it on low only to find out it doesn't have a low speed. I ended up having Claire stand on one side of the bowl and hold up a towel around it like it it was changing out of a wet swimsuit outside. Believe it or not, it worked and the ingredients quickly turned into the cake batter.
The box called for an 8x10 pan which we did not have so I used a larger one. When I poured it, the shape resembled a mound on a golf course. I figured it didn't really matter since we were going to be smooshing it up anyway. Claire was stoked to be able to lick the bowl and the beaters. I actually couldn't get the beaters out of the machine but I made sure to unplug it before giving it to her.
15-20 minutes go by and my cake is done. I used a toothpick to check (believe it or not I do know that little baking trick) and it came away clean so I sat it on the stovetop to cool. I called Claire to come help once it was ready to work with and told her the next step was to crumble it into the bowl. She did and of course, tried a little nibble. She was excited and so was I that yes indeed it did taste like cake. Next step was to knead the icing stuff. I did and then squirted it into the bowl with the cake crumbles like the recipe said. It then told us to mix it all together and I thought it would be easier if Claire used her hands. Big mistake. The icing stuck to her hands like glue and refused to even bother to latch onto the cake. Fail. I had Claire wash her hands and hoped the balls would still form even though they didn't have much "glue".
I grabbed a small handful, squished it into the shape of a ball, and then sat it on the cookie sheet where it proceeded to fall apart immediately. Another Fail. I scooped up the pieces and poured them back into the bowl. I told Claire even though we couldn't make the balls, we could still add everything else and she could just eat it with a spoon. There were two bags still left to the recipe. One was these white chips (I guess chocolate) that looked like nipples and a bag of sprinkles. The recipe said to pour half the chips into a bowl and melt it in the microwave, stirring often. Now I know not to put metal in the microwave so I grabbed a plastic bowl. I poured half the chips, put them in, and turned it on. After a few minutes, I took it out to stir but the chips hadn't even began to melt. I stuck it back in, waited, took it back out to stir and still no melting. Claire commented on how they looked like candles to her. I decided to put them back and leave them a bit longer this time before stirring.
About this time, Bryan comes home for his lunchbreak. When he walks in, he says it smells like cake in here but I think it was really just the candle I had burning. He walked into the kitchen when I decided to take the bowl out to stir. As I brought it out and to me, a glob of what looked like melted chocolate fell from the bottom on the stovetop and some still hung from it. Turns out it was actually the plastic bowl itself that had melted and the damn white chips had barely started to do anything.
I was able to wipe it right off the stovetop but the plate I had the bowl sitting on was ruined because I couldn't get the melted plastic off of it. I threw the bowl away and when Bryan wasn't looking, I threw the plate away too. Miss Claire ended up eating a bowl full of cake crumbles with sprinkles. Bryan told me I was no longer allowed to bake. Betty Crocker I am not.